


Before I Go

by tristinai



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, Anti-Android Sentiments (Detroit: Become Human), Asexual!Nines, Blow Jobs, Body Dysphoria, Deep Throating, Depression, Drinking to Cope, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Time, HankCon frenemies, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mentions of Suicide, Plant abuse, Pre-Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Habits, Unresolved Sexual Tension, crime-related violence, dumb reasons to deviate, hinted machine!Connor, mentions of police brutality, mentions of self harm, reed900, soft!Nines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 59,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27364672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tristinai/pseuds/tristinai
Summary: Months after losing his job at the DPD and living on the brink of poverty, Gavin decides to take his own life. Nines won’t let him.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 219
Kudos: 352
Collections: Reed900 Reverse Big Bang





	1. Fallen From Quite High

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! For those of you who have been following the [Reed900 Reverse Big Bang 2020](https://reed900reversebigbang.tumblr.com/), here is my contribution for the event. I was lucky enough to be paired with an amazing artist, [Karolina](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/8e5abq), who created all these lovely artworks of a winged RK900. Of course, since I can never take a fun prompt without adding an angst-filled twist, that is how I came to the idea of Gavin attempting suicide and Nines saving him. I strongly encourage everyone to read the tags before continuing and, if after doing so, you feel that the content of this story is not for you, please check out Karolina's artworks (they are gorgeous!) and other contributions to the event. I assure you that there will definitely be something for all Reed900 fans in this two-month long event :).
> 
> A special shout out to my beta-reader, [Plenicelune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plenicelune/pseuds/Plenicelune), for taking the time to sift through all the errors and clean this up. I would also like to thank the admins for the Reed900 RBB for organizing the event. It's been such a great opportunity to be apart of this and all of you are so wonderful! A final shout out again to [Karolina](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/8e5abq), who is the reason this fic exists in the first place. Please, please, please support her and send love her way.
> 
> Tags will be updated as the story progresses. The rating is for later chapters. Many liberties are taken on the D:BH timeline so any inconsistencies are intentional. 
> 
> Happy reading!

_August 2036_

The tips of his fingers are gray from the spilled cigarette ashes as Gavin sluggishly feels around for the ashtray. It’s fallen somewhere beneath the cluttered coffee table. With a cigarette dangling from his lips, Gavin half-heartedly stretches for it. He can’t be bothered to sit up and search, hardly cares enough to drag himself from the worn sofa to his room when the days fade into evenings. What’s the point?

Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. It’s all the same routine, the same day. An endless, monotonous loop. The worst part is always waking up and starting the cycle once more.

He grunts, fingers wrapping around the crystal-tray, and uses what little effort he can muster to place it back on the table. Glassy eyes stare at the soiled dish, covered in so much ash, he’s forgotten what color it should be. Beside it rests the empty bottle of escitalopram, his prescription having run out days ago. He can’t afford a refill.

The cigarette’s burned down to the butt and Gavin greedily sucks the scant remains before putting it out in the ashtray. His gaze lingers on a small mouse toy peeking beneath a stack of bills, its beady eyes staring back at him. The longer he stares at it, the more his vision begins to blur. It still has teeth marks from when his cat had nearly chewed off its nose.

Exhaling heavily, he rolls until he’s lying on his back and no longer on his side, pinching the bridge of his nose to stave off the tears.

Goose is somewhere better now, with someone who can afford to take care of her. Someone who deserves her. She probably doesn’t give a shit that Gavin’s no longer the one feeding her.

Sniffling, Gavin reaches for his phone. The cracked screen makes it almost impossible to read the notifications but it’s not as if he’s expecting anyone to message him. He’s always been shit with people and what little social life he had disappeared completely after he was laid off earlier in the year. Most of his coworkers hated him anyway and the rest were androids. Cold, emotionless machines that imitated people. What was it Fowler had said when he fired him?

“They’re cost effective and don’t shoot people.” Brows pinched in frustration, Fowler had made a derisive sound before settling back in his chair. “It’s all this damned downsizing and budget cuts. We can’t afford to keep people on the payroll.”

“Half the fucking department’s gone,” Gavin snarled. “You’ve been picking us off one by one and replacing us with every new plastic prick Cyberlife rolls out with. It’s not goddamn fair!”

“And what the hell do you expect me to do, Reed?” Fowler had snapped. “I’ve got a dead civilian plus the commissioner and all those protesters breathing down my neck! The public’s out for DPD blood—”

“The fuck’s it matter what the hell they think of us?! We’re the ones getting dicked over while that drunken piece of shit Anderson—!”

“Do not bring Anderson into this, Reed!” Fowler shouted. “ _You_ fucked up and now the entire department is paying for it! You can kiss that badge and promotion of yours goodbye because no other department in this state will take you after the shit you’ve put us through!”

Gavin had wanted to fight back. To tell Fowler _exactly_ what he thought of the commissioner’s push for more plastics in blue. His pride rarely took a backseat but Gavin saw everything he’d worked for fall apart before his eyes. He knew burning his last bridge wouldn’t keep the structure from collapsing beneath his feet. So, holding back the vitriol sitting at the edge of his tongue, Gavin had begged, “Y-You can’t do this, Fowler. You can’t _fucking_ do this to me! Please—”

But Fowler had had enough of Gavin’s shit. “Clear out your desk. I want you gone by the end of the day _._ ”

Shaking aside the uncomfortable memory, Gavin glances at the phone in his hand. He tries to unlock it but the damage is so severe that he has to press down extra hard on the cracked screen. After multiple attempts, he gives up. There’s a pounding in his head that’s been constant since he stopped taking his medication.

Giving up. That’s what he’s good at. He flushed his career down the toilet the one time in his 13 years at the DPD that he tried to do the right thing. Now, he’s just another casualty in Detroit’s rising unemployment rate.

Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Who knows what fucking day it is anymore?

Rent’s overdue. His apartment’s filthy. He’s been skipping meals all month to save on food. Worst of all, he doesn’t understand _why_ he bothers.

Sitting up, he traces the faded scars on his flesh and then the new ones, freshly carved. Stress relief. That’s what he’s always called it. But even that’s stopped working.

There’s only one solution, one that the shrinks he’s seen over the years have pried out of him and then drugged him up so much he could barely feel his own tongue, let alone entertain the only way out of this fucked up cycle.

Gavin takes his gun from the table.

* * *

The air should do him good. Maybe it does.

Gavin’s pace is slow but determined as he strolls along the pedestrian walkway on the Ambassador bridge. This late at night, only a few vehicles are on the bridge, traveling between the two customs checkpoints. The bright glow of the street lamps paint an almost eerie scene as shadows stretch to devour where the light has faded, masking the spaces between in darkness. Few want to enter Canada by foot and even less would do so after midnight, in spite of efforts over the last decade to boost tourism between Windsor and Detroit by building the walkway. Everyone’s too fucking poor these days to save a dying industry.

Glancing up ahead, Gavin feels a chill creep down his spine as he catches sight of what guards the bridge. Beneath each street lamp, stone-faced machines remain stationary at their assigned posts, their eyes following what little activity is before them. As Gavin walks by one of the androids, he can feel its cold, dead stare on his back.

“The fuck you looking at, Tin Can?” Gavin snarls, his voice rough and cracked. It makes him sound less intimidating so he glares harder at the android.

The android—RK900, according to its white and black jacket—says nothing.

“Fucking job stealing prick,” Gavin grumbles, continuing his trek.

He’s got no idea what an RK android does. He suspects those assholes at Cyberlife made them for the federal government to use and they, like every model that came before them, are now doing the kind of work that any capable human could perform. The fuck’s this world coming to?

No matter. Gavin’s no longer going to be part of it.

Seeing the next security android some ways off, Gavin puts as much distance as he can between himself and the RK900. He stops a few feet from the bridge’s edge and stands on the tips of his toes to peer over the railing. He can easily clear the four-foot bars and the fall should be enough to end the bullshit he’s been going through. All that awaits for him in his empty, miserable apartment is more of the same shit he’s endured every day for months now.

Feeling for the gun resting in the belt of his jeans, Gavin’s hand freezes when he once more detects the RK900’s stare. It’s more than a dozen feet away and most likely knows Gavin’s armed. Gavin’s licensed and there’s no law that says he _can’t_ have the gun with him. He just can’t bring it with him if he tries to enter Canada.

Taking his hand off the weapon, Gavin flips the android off. The RK900 doesn’t even blink and eventually, looks away.

“Asshole,” he mutters under his breath.

He thought of blowing his brains out—maybe a game of Russian roulette to make it more interesting. Play it every night until he gets lucky and the single time he pulls the trigger, unloads the sole bullet in the chamber. But then he’d be placing his life in the hands of Lady Luck and Lady Luck’s been a merciless cunt lately. So that’s how he ended up here, on the Ambassador Bridge and just seconds away from jumping. The gun is simply back up in case one of the plastic pricks figures out what he’s up to and tries to stop him.

Inhaling deeply, Gavin glances subtly to his left, then his right. Neither android has moved. _Good._ He then shifts his weight, preparing to bolt forward and jump off the railing.

_Don’t fuck this up._

Notorious klutz that he is, Gavin wouldn’t be surprised if he stumbles and face plants mid-jump.

“Sir, step away from the edge.”

_...shit!_

He can hear the RK900 approaching.

Gavin lunges.

“Sir—!”

He throws himself over the metal railing as the click of the android’s shoes echo behind him. Time seems to stop as he feels fingers stretch, ghosting the back of his old, leather jacket. But the android is milliseconds too slow, reaching for something out of its grasp. Gavin hangs in the air, legs curled beneath him, the crisp taste of late summer sitting heavy on his tongue.

And then, he falls.

The wind rushes up at him, tiny daggers piecing his skin. A scream sticks in his throat, a sharp sensation shooting up his spine. Gavin flails his arms as the water, lapping at the pier below, looms ever closer, his body seeming to pick up speed and drop harder the longer he falls through the air. It’s terrifying but also comforting to think he has to only endure a second or so more of this before it’s finally over.

Over the sound of his own flustered thoughts bouncing in the walls of his head, Gavin swears he hears a _whoosh!_ Suddenly, a pair of arms encircle him, pressing his back to a firm chest. Gavin sharply cranes his neck to the source and when he catches the cool, gray eyes of the android who shouted at him moments before, Gavin finally releases that scream he’s been holding. Then, he begins to frantically try and twist out of its grip.

“F-FUCKING LET ME GO!”

Metallic wings spread and then fold, flapping and lifting them higher. Gavin curses a string of obscenities, spewing every insult he can think of. But all that his attitude and his thrashing gets him is the android shifting to hold Gavin more firmly against its chest.

With Gavin fighting to get out of the android’s grip, the RK900 plops Gavin down not far from where he jumped and Gavin falls flat on his ass. His tailbone connects hard with the pavement and Gavin directs most of his rage at his ‘savior’, pulling his gun out and aiming it at the android. But all the anger dies momentarily as he stares at those large, metal wings, stretched so wide that their tips almost reach the protective railings at the bridge’s sides.

“...what the…?”

His voice is thick with awe and fear, grip faltering on his handgun. Those eyes—haunting in how intently they stare into his, swimming with confusion and curiosity—only make Gavin more enraged as he remembers what the fuck ‘angel-bot’ did. His hand tightens around the grip of his firearm.

“Since when do you fuckers _fly_?” Gavin sneers, trying to mask his panic.

The android says nothing, its head tilting ever slightly, expression stoic. There’s something obnoxious about its posture that rubs Gavin the wrong way and he has no fucking clue how the machine manages to be so condescending without uttering a single word.

“Hey, asshole, I asked you a fucking que—!”

“As a former officer, you must be aware that you are in violation of article 13-4 of the Android Protections Act passed in 2034,” the android interrupts. “By pointing your weapon at me, you are threatening federal property and should you choose to discharge your firearm, the damage inflicted could carry a sentence of up to 13 years imprisonment. Considering you value your life so little that you would risk ending it, perhaps this warning is of little consequence to you. However, I would strongly advise you to lower your gun before I am forced to disarm you.”

Gavin gapes as he listens to the android, not quite believing that he went from attempting suicide to being lectured on that stupid piece of legislation that resulted in those bullshit workshops Fowler made them take a few years back. ‘Extended training’ or whatever. ‘Useless’ is what it actually was.

The android takes a step towards him.

“S-Stay back!” Gavin demands, his distress spiking. “H-How the fuck do you know I was a cop?”

The gun shakes in his grip.

“I know everything about you, Gavin Reed,” RK900 says, dress shoes clicking with each calculated step it takes. It reverberates like thunder in Gavin’s ears. “Where you live, where you worked, the number of times you were admitted into juvenile detention. I have access to the same database that all federal agents have. Unlike the android models that assist the department you once served, I have the authority to physically intervene in scenarios where a citizen is deemed a threat to themselves or others.”

Gavin’s eyes widen in panic as the android looms over him and though he’s aware of the consequences, his heart’s pounding so rapidly that all he can think to do is _react._ Finger sitting heavy on the trigger, Gavin goes to pull it but the gun’s ripped from his unsteady grip faster than he can blink.

“HEY!”

He scrambles to his feet, only to have the android use the palm of his hand and push against Gavin’s forehead, sending the ex-officer back down. Then, still wearing that infuriating blasé expression, the android crushes Gavin’s gun.

“What the _fuck?_ ” Gavin screams, shocked at the destruction of his gun.

“I do not trust you with this weapon, Mr. Reed,” the android explains. He unfurls his fingers and the pieces of the gun clatter to the pavement. “Now, if you would not mind, you had best allow me to escort you from the middle of the bridge as we are now obstructing traffic.”

Gavin’s about to snap, “What fucking traffic?” when he hears the sound of bleating horns. Shit. Feeling his cheeks color a deep shade of crimson, Gavin moodily gets to his feet, pretending to not be at all curious as the RK900’s wings fold inward until the android, like the rest stationed around the bridge, no longer looks like some creepy robot archangel sent to make Gavin’s life a waking nightmare. The android indicates to the walkway and Gavin takes one quick glance to the bridge’s edge before he’s bolting towards it.

A rough tug on his coat sends him back, his shoulder connecting hard against the android’s chest.

“FUCK!”

“There is no use attempting another jump, Mr. Reed,” the android states, coolly. “You have already inconvenienced the public enough this evening.”

It’s the crash after the hit of adrenaline, a coldness that seeps into the marrow of Gavin’s bones. An _inconvenience._ That’s all he is. That’s the only reason this stupid asshole machine is getting in his way. It’s more convenient to force Gavin to live the rest of his days on food stamps than to fish him out of the river.

Miserably, he allows himself to be escorted off the road. They say nothing and the android’s hand never strays from Gavin’s shoulder as it leads him off the bridge and through customs. The only time the android speaks again is to explain the incident with a custom’s officer and to receive an order. Gavin has no clue what “initiate directive 43-1” means but he figures the sooner he ditches this android, the sooner he can get back to taking himself out. Maybe some place where he doesn’t have some creeper android spying on him.

“Understood,” the android responds, its LED spinning yellow. It’s the first time Gavin’s seen it change color.

The customs agent takes Gavin’s passport and stamps something red in it. Gavin’s ordered to follow the android and given a warning about threatening it. He mostly tunes out what is said and forgets it once he’s through the doors. None of it’s going to matter in an hour anyway.

Once outside, the android starts another of its lectures but Gavin’s had his fill for the night and cuts in, “Thanks for nothing, Tin Can. I can take it from here.”

He waves off the android and then walks to where he left his motorcycle. It takes all of two steps before he hears the android following in step with him. Humiliation fuels the fire that’s been building since the prick scooped him out of the air and dumped him back on the bridge. Pivoting sharply, Gavin snaps, “Would you fuck off already?”

“Mr. Reed, do you believe you are the first to attempt jumping from the bridge?” RK900 asks. The vicious glare the android receives is all the answer Gavin is willing to give. “I have been ordered to initiate directive 43-1. In instances where a civilian has exhibited behavior dangerous to their well being, a model as advanced as myself may be assigned to monitor said civilian’s behavior until they are deemed mentally fit to carry on with their day-to-day activities. For the time being, you may consider me your personal assistant.”

“Oh, fuck me,” Gavin groans.

“Unfortunately, that is not one of the services I am capable of, nor sanctioned, to provide. However, I can recommend some well known establishments with TRACI units that—”

“That’s not what I fucking meant!” Gavin interjects, his face coloring. Fucking Christ, as if he’d want to actually be fucked by one of those things! “I meant go bother some other asshole and leave me the fuck alone!”

The android tilts its head, scrutinizing Gavin for a moment. Its gaze is so intense, Gavin can’t help but feel as if he’s being silently picked apart and all his dirty laundry exposed every time the creepy-as-fuck plastic asshole looks at him like this. “I have been ordered by a federal agent to escort you home and monitor your behavior for the next few days. As an android, I am unable to ignore an objective once it has been assigned.”

“Then how the fuck do I get your stupid objective ‘unassigned’?”

“You would have to convince the border agents that your incident was merely an accident and not an active attempt at ending your own life,” RK900 answers. It narrows its eyes judgmentally and fuck, does Gavin want to punch it in its perfectly chiseled jaw. “You would also have to convince them that the weapon you aimed at me was done so in self-defense. Should they take your complaint seriously, they would then extract the visual evidence I have of the incident to corroborate your story.”

Gavin stares at the border checkpoint behind them. He fucking hates androids and being stuck with one for the next few days is nothing short of the worst torture he can imagine. Fuck, he’s been with RK900 for only 30 minutes and already regrets not blowing his brains out instead of being the dramatic bitch he is and jumping from the bridge. Without his gun, his backup plan is no longer an option.

He sighs in resignation. But, for as much as he hates dealing with the metal fucker, he’s spent enough time in law enforcement to know that low priority complaints get lost in the sea of bullshit they receive every day. He’s got no friends at customs and no one’s gonna listen or give a shit anyway.

“Fuck, whatever. But your metal ass stays on the fucking balcony.”

A few days. That’s all he needs. Play nice, convince the fucker he had a momentary lapse in judgment and once the plastic asshole is gone, Gavin will finally finish what he started.

* * *

“This apartment is filthy,” RK900 declares, lingering in the doorway as if it doesn’t want to ruin its fancy dress shoes on Gavin’s dusty floor.

“Don’t like it then fucking get cleaning, Princess.”

It stares at Gavin in that creepy way again. “Would you like me to register ‘Princess’ as my temporary designation?”

“Wh-what? No!” Gavin shoves past the android and peels off his leather coat, tossing it onto the nearest surface. “Why the fuck would you want to be named ‘Princess’?”

“By designating a temporary name, it allows me to establish a personal connection with the civilian in my care.”

“You’re a fucking _machine_ ,” Gavin sneers, “you don’t need a fucking name.”

The android tilts its head again. Fuck, does Gavin _hate_ when it does that, as if it doesn’t already have a million answers in its head to whatever the fuck its pretending to ‘think’ about. “Then what do you wish to call me?”

“Asshole, Tin Can, Plastic Prick, Plastic Asshole, Toaster—”

“Those suggestions are either derogatory or highly inaccurate.”

“So is ‘Princess’, genius.”

“Perhaps,” the android says, “however, it can also be used as a term of endearment.”

“...pretty sure I was trying to insult you...”

“I cannot be insulted, Mr. Reed, as that would suggest I have ‘feelings’,” RK900 replies.

“Then why the fuck are you making a big deal about what I call you?”

“It simply makes it easier to carry out my objective if I have a specific designation,” the android answers. “My programming also prevents me from registering names that are classified as inappropriate. If you would like, I could offer some suggestions—”

“For the last, fucking time, you’re not even fucking _human_ and I’m not gonna pretend you are by giving you a stupid name!” Gavin interrupts. He’s already getting sick of the asshole’s voice. With a jab to the model number plastered on the android’s jacket, Gavin says, “You’re an RK900. That’s what I’ll fucking call you. End of discussion.”

“Duly noted.”

Then, because Gavin’s convinced this asshole machine has been sent here to drive him so fucking crazy, he’ll probably end up destroying the thing and then himself, ‘RK900’ begins picking up discarded wrappers tossed to the floor.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

RK900 stares at Gavin, confused. “You ordered me to clean up.”

“Don’t fucking touch my shit!” Petulantly, Gavin slaps at the android’s hands and it immediately drops the old McDonald’s wrappers. “You wanna be fucking useful, go back to the fucking bridge and bother someone else!”

“I can only carry out objectives that will improve your overall mental health and do not violate the directive I have been assigned.”

“Then get your ass to the balcony and leave me the fuck alone!”

To Gavin’s surprise, RK900’s LED blinks red as it looks to the state of the apartment and then the partially opened balcony door. It seems more indecisive than it’s been in the last hour and Gavin’s almost afraid he’s broken the stupid thing until it finally speaks. “According to the perfunctory scan I have performed, the state of your home remains ‘unsafe’ and my pre-constructive software has concluded a number of scenarios in which the surrounding objects may present a danger to you. If you would only allow me to—”

“Do you always talk like a fucking robot?” Gavin demands. The almost monotone way in which it speaks is making his head pound so hard, Gavin feels as if his brain is trying to bash its way through his skull. “Cyberlife gave you those fancy wings but couldn’t give you a fucking personality?”

“I have a number of personalities installed and can run the appropriate software upon request,” RK900 answers. “I have chosen to remain in my default setting, as you have declared you are most comfortable viewing me as a ‘machine’. However, if you would like, I can consult my database and experiment with different personality profiles. How about I test my ‘humorous’ personality and tell you a few jokes?”

“Fuck no.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Gavin inhales deeply, holds his breath for a few seconds, and then exhales slowly. He doesn’t think he’s been this irritated since that time Fowler assigned him desk duty and Gavin spent the month answering phones and filing people’s complaints about dumb shit, like their asshole neighbors’ dogs shitting in their lawns. “There’ll be no cleaning and no fucking jokes. I’m gonna get some sleep—” and when the android opens its mouth to protest, Gavin loudly proclaims over it, “—and try not to fucking kill myself from being forced to put up with your shit for the last hour and you’re gonna get your ass out THERE and I’ll fucking deal with you in the morning!”

The LED spins and then blinks a violent shade of red.

So, Tin Can really _hates_ being told ‘no’.

Gavin smirks.

After a long, hard minute of staring each other down, RK900’s LED returns to blue. “...I will remain on the balcony and will resume evaluating your mental state in the morning.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic.”

With his arms folded over his chest, Gavin stares pointedly at the android and watches as it carefully steps around all the crap strewn across the floor. He finally gets a good look at the odd, round ‘shield’ it wears on its back, the metal wings folded in to make that shape. The android’s broad shoulders and long torso does a good job of hiding its attachment and anyone looking at RK900 from the front wouldn’t be aware that the android has wings. The suicide rates must be climbing higher than they were back when Gavin was at his job if Cyberlife has these winged fuckers hanging around the Ambassador bridge all hours of the night.

Sliding the door wide open, the android pauses before it turns to look at Gavin. It then gives Gavin a smile that’s more strained and unpracticed than comforting. “Have a goodnight, Mr. Reed. I look forward to seeing you again in the morning.”

Somehow, RK900 also makes what should be a warm gesture sound like it’s being delivered by the Grim Reaper. “Yeah, whatever, Hal9000. Have fun sleeping with the pigeons.”

“Hal9000? Would you like me to register that as my na—?”

Gavin slams his bedroom door hard behind him, cutting off what the android was saying. Without having to put on a front for the metal fucker, hot tears begin to burn and Gavin swallows a pained sound as they trickle down his cheeks. He doesn’t understand why even dying has to be this fucking hard. It’s like the world couldn’t let him go without one last humiliation.

Crawling into his bed, he slides beneath the covers and cocoons himself in the warmth of them, the only comfort that remains in his life. He promised to play along for a few days and that’s it. Just a few more days and then, he will finally be free of this shit.

* * *

Throughout the night, Gavin tosses and turns, strange images plaguing his troubled sleep. He dreams of sharp-edged feathers, the _whoosh_ of flapping wings, and an airborne shadow that pursues him as he drives his bike along the Detroit river. But he’s not trying to outrun it; he’s racing it, wind whipping through his hair as he swerves sharply around the bend in the road, a wide grin on his face. He’ll show that fucker who’s fastest.

But as he goes to shift his weight and straighten his bike, something goes wrong. His bike continues to accelerate and skids onto the shoulder, slamming into the railing. Gavin’s flung from his motorcycle and what was once the river’s edge has become a steep cliff with no bottom in sight. He panics, flailing to reach out for anything.

“Gavin!”

Fingers graze his, gray eyes wide as the shadow hovers over him.

And then, he falls.

Crying out, Gavin’s body twists in the covers and his back hits something hard. Eyes fluttering open, he immediately blinks them shut as they’re hit by the sunlight streaming through the partially open blinds. With a pained groan, he blindly tries to sit up, one hand rubbing at his eyes and the other at his back. He doesn’t know why it hurts this fucking much when all he did was roll off his worn mattress, barely three feet off the floor.

“Fuuuuck,” he moans.

Once his eyes stop watering, he cautiously opens them, focusing on the digital clock on his night stand. 8:47 AM. He never gets up this early.

Dropping his head back against the old mattress, he silently debates getting up. His sheets are sweat-soaked and his hair is matted to his forehead, feeling greasier than usual. He knows he’s overdue for a shower but it’s not as if he needs to see anyone, so there’s no one to be repulsed by his shitty hygiene. Showers take effort and effort is something he’s not willing to make these days. Fuck, why didn’t he do this shit yesterday?

_...wait, why the fuck am I not dead?!_

He jolts up, ignoring the pain on his lower spine. He remembers leaving last night, going to the bridge, and jumping. And then…

Gavin kicks away the blanket but still clumsily stumbles out of his room. Racing to his balcony, he rips open the sliding door, a number of insults sitting on the tip of his tongue. He’s ready to give that plastic fucker a piece of his mind for fucking up his attempt last night, is gonna let that fucking asshole know that—

The balcony’s empty.

Gavin deflates.

Thinking this can’t be it, he creeps towards the edge and peers over it. To his surprise, he sees the same sight that always greets him when he leans against the railing from fourteen stories up: just the same street below with its discount mart at the corner and broken sidewalk lining both sides of the street.

Taking a shuddering breath, Gavin tries to recount what he did last night.

He wanted to die. He _really_ wanted to. He recalls standing in this exact, fucking spot, thinking he can’t jump from here because he’d be damned if he landed on some other asshole by accident and took them with him to wherever the fuck the dead go. Probably only six feet under. Fuck, he hopes so.

Staring up, he glances to the skies for flying androids. But...that’s fucking crazy. Because androids don’t fucking _fly._

_Must’ve been dreaming,_ Gavin thinks, with a strange sense of disappointment.

The bridge. The fall. The rescue.

Gavin, spineless piece of shit that he is, likely went to bed after deciding he’s too much of a coward to give into his deadliest impulses. How many other nights has he wasted wanting to end it only to wake up the next morning and let that voice of self-doubt berate him for never finishing anything?

Well, not fucking today.

He backs up, stopping a few paces inside the apartment. Then, he springs forward, lifting himself over the bars and pushing off them into the air. A familiar sensation prickles down his spine, though it’s not the darkness he’s leaping into but blinding sunlight that has him squinting his eyes shut. He feels light, feels a headiness that comes with knocking at Death’s door. And as he begins to plummet, he pushes aside all that anxiety and doubt, blankets himself in the knowledge that none of it will matter soon.

_WHOOSH!_

He opens his watery eyes. It’s deja vu as he focuses on the winged shadow hovering in the air above him. For a split second, it feels as if he’s falling faster, each thud of his rapidly pounding heart creating more feet of distance between them. But then, those wings fold and cocoon and the shadow begins diving towards Gavin.

Suddenly, Gavin knows last night wasn’t a dream.

“N-No!”

Gavin falls into a pair of curled arms, caught bridal style. He struggles to get out of the android’s grip but he’s held vice-like and no amount of cursing will convince the fucker to drop him. The android stops mid-air, flapping its wings as it shifts upright, and then coolly tells Gavin to, “Stop fighting,” in that condescending tone it had used the night before. Then, they begin to ascend.

Landing on the balcony, the android finally drops Gavin, dumping him unceremoniously onto the concrete surface. Gavin yelps as his poor back takes more bruises but he’s not about to let that asshole keep staring down its perfect nose at him. Hopping to his feet, Gavin shoves at the android’s chest but in the cramped space of his balcony, there’s nowhere to push the android. Its wings are folded around them, preventing Gavin from going anywhere but back inside his apartment.

Fucking asshole.

“Why the _fuck_ won’t you stay the fuck outta my business?” Gavin snaps.

RK900 gives Gavin that same nonplussed look that always seems to be plastered to its face. “As your ‘business’ includes behavior that would result in the failure of my current objective, I am unable to accept that directive.”

“Go fuck yourself!”

“Again, I must inform you that I do not have the parts required to—”

“ARGH!”

Gavin screams out in frustration and instead of punching the snarky prick, he directs all his anger at the potted plant near his feet, kicking it over. The ceramic smashes, dirt spilling across the water-stained concrete, and Gavin stares down in horror at what he’s done.

“...shit!”

Dropping to his knees, he tries to frantically scoop up the dirt, not caring at all if he cuts his fingers on the broken pot. His vision blurs as he curses under his breath but the more he tries to fix what he’s done, the messier his balcony gets. Brittle, dried catnip leaves break off the dead plant, only adding to his frustration.

“Look at what you made me do!” Gavin shouts up at the android.

“I did not make you ‘do’ anything.”

But Gavin ignores the android’s confusion, swiping at his eyes with his dirt-covered hand. “Th-this is Goose’s favorite plant, you f-fucking asshole!”

There’s the sound Gavin’s come to recognize as the android’s wings retracting into that odd shield RK900 wears. He feels the android’s presence near him as Gavin sniffles and futilely collects the dirt. To his shock, RK900 begins to help him, plucking aside the broken pieces of ceramic. It’s pointless but if it’s not his own time he’s wasting, Gavin’s wasting others’.

_Don’t know why it’s still here,_ Gavin thinks, refusing to meet RK900’s inquisitive stare. _Shoulda sent him to babysit some other suicidal asshole._

“Who is Goose?”

The question takes Gavin by surprise. He imagines this is supposed to be the moment he opens up and gives the android a glimpse into his shitty life but Gavin’s never been good at cooperating, nor is he about to befriend pieces of scrap metal molded into a pretty face.

“Where the fuck were you?” Gavin demands. Anger is always easier. “Thought I told you to stay on the fucking balcony!”

“Actually, you merely ordered me outside your apartment and suggested I ‘have fun sleeping with the pigeons,’” RK900 answers, perfectly mimicking Gavin’s voice. Gavin gapes at him, more than a little disturbed to hear his voice coming from its artificial lips. “I did not find any pigeons on your balcony, however, there were a few on the rooftop. I believe one pecked this hole in the sleeve of my jacket. They are surprisingly quite social.”

Gavin stares at the android, not quite believing what he’s hearing. “Okay, first off: don’t ever do that creepy shit again.”

“Noted. I will no longer consort with pigeons on the rooftop,” RK900 confirms.

“No, not that!” Gavin snaps. Then pauses. “Er, uh, yeah, maybe stop doing that shit, too. That’s fucking weird.”

“My social programming informs me that many humans find comfort in feeding pigeons and socializing with them in parks and other natural spaces.”

“Look, just fuck off with the pigeon shit. If you’re gonna be my creepy ‘android stalker’, don’t be fucking around with the birds!” Gavin demands. “And don’t _ever_ use my voice again. I hear enough of that shit in my own head, don’t need it coming outta your creepy mouth.”

“...would you like to discuss this ‘shit’ that exists in your head?” RK900 asks, abandoning its cleaning to look intensely at Gavin.

Fuck, he hates when it does that.

Sneering, Gavin gets up and storms back into his apartment, flopping down onto his couch and squeezing his eyes shut. He pretends to not hear the android enter inside, silently counts down from ten. Maybe when he opens them, the android will be gone and he’ll no longer be stuck in this fucked up limbo of wanting to die and having all his attempts foiled by Cyberlife’s walking Ken doll.

He opens his eyes and glowers up at the android, who’s now hulking over him as if it’s never heard the concept of ‘personal space’. “Great. You’re still here.”

RK900 cants its head, its LED spinning yellow. “Where else would I go?”

“Away.”

“We already had that conversation, Mr. Reed, and I explained why I cannot do that.”

Who needs a gun when Gavin swears he can hear the sound of his own brain imploding in his head. Too worn to get into a losing argument, Gavin sighs and kicks his feet up onto the coffee table, knocking over wrappers and empty cans of beer. RK900 seems bothered by the continued presence of the garbage but if the android wants to say anything, it chooses not to. “If you’re gonna stick around and annoy the shit outta me, you can at least use my fucking name. None of this ‘Mr. Reed’ bullshit.”

“Would you prefer I call you ‘Gavin’?”

“Pretty sure that’s what I fucking said.”

“Alright,” RK900 says, forcing an awkward smile on its face. Shit. The dumbass must think getting promoted to a first name basis means Gavin’s warming up to it. “It will be a pleasure getting to know you better, Gavin. Is there anything I can assist you with this morning?”

If he’s stuck with an android, Gavin figures he may as well get something useful out of it.

“Make me a coffee, dipshit.”

The android’s LED blinks red. “My software does not allow me to register derogatory names—”

“Your software won’t stop me from calling you whatever the fuck I want,” Gavin says, with a glare. “Coffee. Now.”

RK900 stares at Gavin for a moment too long. Gavin’s almost convinced it must be malfunctioning. Then, that unnatural smile returns to the android’s face. “I will be back momentarily with your coffee.”

With RK900 now in the kitchen, Gavin releases a breath he hadn’t realized he’s been holding. Coming down from another failed suicide attempt leaves him both emotional and exhausted and if he had the luxury of being alone, he knows he’d crack. He already feels a familiar pang at his temple and rubs at it to stave off the headache.

“Your coffee.”

Gavin flinches as the drink is shoved in his face. Sneering, he takes it from RK900, eyeing it with mistrust before taking a small sip of it. He almost spits up the drink. “What the fuck did you put in this?”

“You had not specified how you prefer your coffee so I conducted an online search and made it according to the most common way Americans prepare it,” RK900 answers. “With cream and sugar.”

“Online search? You have a fucking smart phone or some shit I don’t know about?”

The android taps its temple and the LED spins yellow. “My processor has an application that allows me to access the internet. I function similarly to the police models you must have worked with at the station.”

Gavin tenses at the mention of his experience at the DPD, recalling the incident that inevitably led to him being laid off. It’s the only time he’s ever seen one of those things bleed blue…

Forcing himself to not dwell on the uncomfortable memories, Gavin once more glares.

“Make it again,” he demands, pushing the mug into RK900’s hands so hard, coffee spills onto the ash-stained rug. “And this time, don’t add any fucking sugar.”

RK900 obeys and once the new cup of coffee is in Gavin’s hand, he waves the android off and begins streaming a show he’s been watching on his laptop. Though he hears RK900 moving around the apartment, he pretends the android’s not there, offering little more than a grunt whenever the android asks permission to toss something away. If it wants to waste its energy cleaning shit, Gavin’s not gonna stop it.

“You done in there?” Gavin calls from where he’s sprawled on his couch. His clothing sticks to his skin, still slightly damp from the night sweats. Fuck, does he need that shower.

RK900 pokes its head out of the bathroom. “I will be finished cleaning the bathroom in approximately 2 minutes and 17 seconds.”

Gavin mutters under his breath and closes the app he’s using before another episode starts. Placing the laptop on the table, he’s shocked to see it’s no longer littered with garbage and spilled ashes. In fact, it’s spotless.

A quick glance around the apartment and Gavin notes that after a bit more than an hour of cleaning, the place is unrecognizable. Maybe he should be impressed but there’s something… discomforting about his home looking this pristine. A cold detachment to his living space, absent of a human touch.

That unsettling feeling burrows deep in his stomach.

_This_ is why Gavin fucking hates machines. They ruin everything they touch.

Just to make himself feel as if he’s not being held captive by Hal9000 aboard the Discovery One spaceship, Gavin takes his mug and dumps the remnants in the sink, allowing the cold coffee to sit and collect in it. Then, he sets the dirty mug on the counter. Much to his irritation, he realizes RK900 also managed to scrub out those stains on the counter-top he swears he’d given up on years ago.

“I will be taking out the garbage now,” RK900 says.

Gavin jumps. He didn’t even hear the plastic prick come up behind him. “For fuck’s sake, don’t sneak up on me like that. Asshole.”

“I’m sorry. I had not intended to startle you.”

Gavin flips him off, grumbling about ‘asshole machines’ under his breath, and storms off to the bathroom. Despite it being a hot day, he’s always been one for hot showers and blasts the water as high as he can handle it, kicking off his clothing and leaving it at the foot of the laundry basket RK900 must have placed in there. Just because it’s there doesn’t mean Gavin’s going to use it.

Once the water hits his bare shoulders, Gavin relaxes. In the living room, he swore he could feel the android’s eyes on him, even when RK900 was occupied with other tasks. With a closed door between them, Gavin no longer feels so scrutinized.

Leaning back his head, he soaks his hair, sighing as water drips down his face. Thoughts begin creeping into his mind, the kind of thoughts that always come when he’s without a visual distraction. The thrill running down his spine as he pictures himself plummeting, sweet release always eluding him as he fails to hit the ground. He wants in a way he hasn’t for anything else, lost any sense of purpose the day he lost his job. A string of doomed relationships and botched hookups killed his sex drive so long ago; he’s forgotten what it’s like to desire another human being. All he wants now is to stop living this despondent, empty existence that makes every breath of air he takes sit like lead in his lungs.

He blinks away water or tears—he can’t even be sure—and flicks his gaze to the edges of his tub, where he usually keeps his razor. Much to his irritation, that, and all the other items he keeps in here, have been moved. He checks the shelf behind him but finds only his shampoo and body wash.

“Where the fuck’s my razor?” he mumbles aloud.

“I removed it after finding traces of your blood on it,” a voice says.

Gavin screams. Standing near the edge of the tub and peeking through the crack left by the curtain is none other than RK900, its face expressionless. Grasping the shower curtain and ripping it off a few of the rings, Gavin tries to fold it around himself to spare what little dignity he has left.

“Who the fuck told you you can come in here, you fucking pervert?!” Gavin squawks.

RK900’s LED spins yellow, its eyebrows moving in that minuscule way it does when it’s confused. “You asked a question and I thought it best to save you the trouble of searching for an item that is no longer there.”

“How the fuck did you get in here so fast?” Gavin demands. “...fucking Christ, were you standing outside my fucking door?”

“I remained in close enough proximity to intervene should you indulge in harmful behavior, but also far enough to afford you privacy while you showered,” RK900 answers.

“What fucking privacy? You fucking saw my junk!” Gavin shouts, pulling the curtain tighter around himself.

“Nudity does not bother me as I cannot be titillated, nor repulsed.”

“Well it fucking bothers me!”

Its LED is now red and the android seems more perplexed than before. “...oh. You mean to say that you are embarrassed by my presence. I… had not considered that outcome. Please accept my sincerest apologies, Gavin, as I had not meant to—”

“Get the fuck out! NOW!”

The android snaps its mouth shut and does as it's told, closing the door quietly behind it. Gavin counts to ten slowly, his heart thudding loudly in his ears. It’s hard to calm himself down after that panic attack the stupid fucker gave him. Whoever programmed it forgot to teach it what personal boundaries are.

Finishing his shower as quickly as he can, Gavin hastily throws his sweat-damp clothing back on, too anxious to make the short trek from his bathroom to his bedroom in only a towel. Not with creeper bot determined to replace Gavin’s shadow. He’ll bear the disgusting feeling of soiled clothing a bit longer if it spares him the possibility of his towel slipping off his hips.

Swiping his hand across the steamy mirror, Gavin gets a good look at the hallowing of his cheeks and his once-snug clothing hanging loosely on him. His appetite’s been all over the place for months and the fact that most of what he gets in financial assistance goes to rent makes it harder to keep up a regular eating schedule. He can see the effect it’s had on him and never has he been more disgusted with his reflection.

A small knock at the door breaks his train of thought and Gavin’s grateful that the mirror’s fogging up again so he doesn’t have to endure staring at himself.

“What?” he asks, gruffly.

A pause. “... if you require your razor for shaving, I will return it to you. You must, however, allow me to supervise you as you use it.”

“You gonna pull the same shit every time I’m on the toilet?” Gavin asks sarcastically.

Another pause. He can picture that LED cycling through its various colors as the android decides how to respond. “I cannot preconstruct many scenarios where my presence is required as you perform a bowel movement.”

Imagery of Gavin sitting on the toilet with an android watching him like a hawk is something Gavin could have lived without.

Scowl already in place, he snaps at the android to get his plastic ass in there and then rummages around for his shaving cream. There’s little left in the bottle and of what remains, he squeezes out far less than he’d normally use. His face is scruffier than he likes it to be, hair coming in at uneven patches on his neck. He’s surprised customs let him on the bridge the night before since he looks as unkempt as the number of homeless filling the streets of Detroit.

At the thought of those poor fuckers whose only crime was having a job their asshole employers felt an android could do better, Gavin’s glare darkens and he all but rips the razor from RK900’s hand. The android is once again standing way too fucking close and Gavin would tell it to back the fuck up but he’s in no mood to argue with it. It’ll probably give some bullshit excuse about needing to be close enough to react in case Gavin does something he isn’t supposed to with his razor.

“Enjoying the show?” Gavin mutters, sliding the razor carefully up to the edge of his chin.

  
The mirror’s clearing up and Gavin can see RK900 in the reflection, standing rim-rod straight with its hands folded behind its back. It shifts its head slightly at Gavin’s question and he can see its LED swirling, meeting his gaze in the mirror. Growing too uncomfortable, Gavin drops his eyes and rinses off the blade.

“The rate at which human hair grows is fascinating,” RK900 remarks, speaking with a soft inflection that’s been missing from every other conversation they’ve had. Gavin was convinced it only spoke in monotone. “Facial hair grows at an average of 0.15 inches per day. The average man will shave 20,000 times in their lifetime, or approximately 66, 520 minutes.”

“Don’t I fucking know it,” Gavin grumbles, rinsing foam and hairs from his razor. “Got any other useless thoughts in that plastic brain of yours?”

It’s silent and Gavin’s grateful that it’s not about to list off every other stupid fact that must be puttering around in its head. Feeling its eyes on him every time he slides the blade over his skin is already unnerving enough.

But just as Gavin’s finishing up, T1000 speaks up.

“You are conventionally attractive for a human.”

Gavin nicks himself and drops the razor blade in the sink. He curses, beginning to flush as RK900’s words sink in. What the fuck is it thinking saying shit like that?! But he doesn’t want to give it the satisfaction of seeing him flustered and he insults it under his breath as he reaches for some toilet paper to press to the cut. He freezes when he realizes there’s a stinging pressure already on the wound.

“I am sorry, Gavin. I had not expected my observation to upset you,” RK900 says.

Gavin turns his head and his hip hits the side of the sink as he sees how impossibly close the tall android is. He can feel cool porcelain digging into his side but that’s not what causes him to shiver, no matter what lies he tells himself. RK900’s fingers press a face cloth to the cut, its eyes swimming with _something_ that shouldn’t be possible for an android. It’s mimicking _concern_ and if Gavin was born yesterday, maybe he’d be dumb enough to fall for the facade.

“Why the fuck would you say something like that?” Gavin demands. If he expected his voice to come out as a shout, he’s disappointed to hear a hoarse whisper hit his ears.

It's only a breath away, staring with those gray eyes that look cooler than the first hint of winter frosting glass. And then there’s those fucking freckles Gavin’s not noticed until now, stark on its otherwise alabaster skin. Why did Cyberlife give it so many?

“You asked what ‘useless thoughts’ I had,” RK900 answers, back to its creepy monotone. “I had determined that one to be the least relevant to our discussion.”

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Gavin replies, getting increasingly bothered the longer he remains under the android’s scrutiny. Worst of all, he doesn’t understand how an android who isn’t supposed to have ‘thoughts’ outside of what it’s programmed to do would suddenly ponder something as abstract as physical attraction. “Why in the hell would you _think_ about how I fucking _look_?!”

Its LED goes red.

RK900 looks confused.

Too disturbed to let the silence drag, Gavin angrily slaps RK900’s hand from his neck. That, more than anything, brings the android out of whatever weird ‘buffering’ shit must be going on with its computer brain. “Don’t ever say shit like that again. It’s fucking creepy.”

“Gavin—” RK900 begins to apologize.

“Get the fuck outta my way!”

It steps back, finally removing itself from Gavin’s personal bubble. Gavin doesn’t know what he’s feeling as he leaves the bathroom. All he knows is that he needs to put as much space as he can between him and it before he dwells on the flush that remains in his cheeks or the warm sensation coming from where RK900’s fingers had pressed to his skin.


	2. Making Friends With Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now under RK900's surveillance, Gavin's forced to bring the android with him while running errands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your kind comments last week! All of you are incredibly sweet and it's been so much fun getting to participate in the [Reed900 Reverse Big Bang!](https://reed900reversebigbang.tumblr.com/) Check out the event for works by other artists and writers in the fandom :)
> 
> I believe I forgot to mention this in the notes last time but for anyone who is wondering, this fic will be updated every Tuesday. So expect to see the new art and chapters up every Tuesday until mid-December. You can also follow the event on [Tumblr](https://reed900reversebigbang.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Reed900RBB) for updates. 
> 
> A shout out and much love to my lovely beta-reader, [Plenicelune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plenicelune/pseuds/Plenicelune). You've been so helpful and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to help me put the finishing touches to each chapter. I also want to thank [Karolina](https://www.artstation.com/kbotko) for all her lovely artwork, which can be found within the chapters and also [here](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/8e5abq). Please check her page every week for updates since she'll be adding the new artwork whenever I put up a new chapter.
> 
> As I like to remind readers, please check the updated tags before reading each new chapter. 
> 
> Happy reading ^^

  
The hunger pangs become worse the longer Gavin lays in his bed, eyes glued to the ceiling. He still hasn’t eaten but he doesn’t have the energy to move, nor the patience to deal with his unwanted house guest. He’s calmed down since the incident in the bathroom hours before, even convinced himself he’s only irritated because it touched him. Not because its words sparked something in him he hasn’t felt in a while.

His cheeks warm up as he thinks of its steely gray eyes. 

It’s pretty. He’d never deny that. Cyberlife makes them pretty so blowhards with money can buy them and install the right upgrades and do all kinds of perverse shit to them. Gavin’s _supposed_ to find it attractive because it’s that much easier to be manipulated into staying alive when the one telling you to looks hotter than the male models in the Calvin Klein underwear ads.

Rolling onto his side, Gavin presses a pillow to his grumbling stomach. It sometimes works in suppressing his hunger—or cigarettes, when he’s got them—especially on the days when he needs to skip meals. But since the universe hates him today, it’s only making the pangs more intense. 

_I’m not going out there,_ Gavin thinks, stubbornly. _Maybe I’ll rub it in that asshole’s face and die in here._

Wouldn’t that be a relief?

He groans as he hears a loud knock on his bedroom door. 

“Fuck off.”

“You still have not eaten today, Gavin,” RK900 says through the door. 

“I’m not fucking hungry,” Gavin lies.

His stomach growls louder. Gavin tries to hide the sound with a cough.

“Your body disagrees with you.” Of course, the asshole heard it. What is it, a goddamn bloodhound? “I made you some soup.” A pregnant pause. “May I come in?”

Unable to stand it any longer, Gavin sits up, throwing his threadbare blanket around his shoulders. He mutters for the android to come in and the door creaks open slowly, as if RK900 is concerned Gavin will change his mind if it bursts in with anything resembling enthusiasm. Fuck, if it did anything with an expression other than bored disdain, Gavin would almost welcome it as the android’s rare forced smile and its usual monotone always reminded Gavin that the ‘uncanny valley’ exists for a reason. But then, he would be dealing with something that not only _looks_ human but also _acts_ like it and there’s only so much mindfucking Gavin’s willing to endure.

RK900 glances around and it’s clear to Gavin it must be frustrated with all the clutter, unable to place the tray it’s carrying on the bedside table. The bedroom is the only room the android didn’t touch earlier when it cleaned. For that, Gavin’s grateful. His room may be filthy but at least it feels comfortable.

“Put it here,” Gavin mumbles, indicating to the empty space beside him on the mattress.

RK900 sets the tray down carefully.

Too hungry to keep ignoring his stomach, Gavin digs in. The soup must have been made from scratch since Gavin knows he’s got chicken stock and rice in his cupboards but definitely no more cans of chicken noodle or packs of ramen. It’s surprisingly good in spite of the lack of ingredients and Gavin’s quick to slurp most of it down before starting in on the fresh buns RK900 baked.

“I did the best I could with what was available,” RK900 says, standing rigidly as it watches Gavin eat. Gavin’s gotta teach it to stop looking at him like that. “Do you like it? It’s the first time I have prepared food.”

Gavin dips a piece of bun into the broth and tries not to moan as he chews on it. It’s better than the tasteless sandwich bread he buys but he’s not going to let the glorified toaster know that. “It’s alright. Could use some butter.”

“I was unable to find any spreads in your kitchen,” RK900 replies. “I will add it to the grocery list.”

Its LED swirls to yellow and blinks before returning to blue.

“Don’t bother. You really think I’m gonna take you shopping with me?” Gavin scoffs, derisively.

He’d rather have his kneecaps busted than be caught in public with one of those things.

“You have no choice,” RK900 points out. “How else do you plan on paying for your groceries and medication?”

The piece of bun Gavin’s tearing slips from his fingers and splashes into the soup. He licks at the bit of soup that gets on his hand and flushes as he sees the way RK900’s eyes follow him. Fuck, he really needs to have a conversation with the Tin Can about turning down its creeper behavior from an 11 to a 4. He can handle a 4. “I get my food stamps in a few days and welfare next week. Why? You offering to pay for my drugs?”

“Your ‘drugs’ are necessary to stabilize the chemical imbalance that is most likely contributing to your current self-destructive behavior,” RK900 says. “As you should not be off your medication, I have requested funds from Cyberlife and they have agreed to pay for your necessities while you remain in my care. So, to answer your question, yes: I will buy your ‘drugs’ for you.”

Gavin stares suspiciously at the android, his mind racing with all the wild possibilities. He’s learned the hard way that nothing in life is ever free and there _has_ to be some catch, something in the fine print that he’s missing.

Momentarily forgetting his appetite, Gavin asks, “Why in the fuck would Cyberlife do that? Those assholes don’t owe me shit. How do I know they’re not gonna spring some giant bill on me later for your ‘services’?”

He air quotes to get his point across because so far, RK900’s ‘services’ seem to be to violate what little privacy Gavin has. If Gavin wanted some mindless prick following him around, he’d get a dog. 

RK900 tilts its head, LED swirling. “You are...incorrect. Cyberlife does owe you.”

Gavin waits and when no explanation comes, he presses. “You gonna tell me or you gonna make me ask?”

The android becomes uncomfortable. Or, as uncomfortable as an android whose default expression is ‘resting bitch face’ can get. “As you have probably discerned, I am unlike other android models the US government utilizes.”

“Yeah, the wings kinda gave that away.”

“They are detachable. Any android can wear them,” RK900 says and Gavin would almost think he’s offended it by implying its attachment is what makes it unique. “I am referring to my specific model. I’m a new prototype, designed to assist humans who are undergoing severe stress as a result of the current economic crisis.”

“A ‘prototype’?” Gavin says, his expression darkening. 

“It means that I am still undergoing experimentation,” RK900 explains. “You are the first human in crisis to ever interact with my model.”

As Gavin processes what the android is telling him, he becomes angrier. “Are you saying Cyberlife is using me to beta test their shiny new plastic?

He doesn’t have to wait for RK900’s response as the android’s blinking LED gives away how bothered the android is admitting to all it has. Maybe because its confession violates whatever fucked up protocols it’s supposed to follow because there’s no way Gavin’s about to buy that it even understands what guilt is. “That is information Cyberlife was hoping would not be disclosed, yet I’m also required to confirm that what you have deduced is indeed the case. Depending on how successful I am in your rehabilitation, Cyberlife will either distribute more RK900s, improve my capabilities, or my model will be discontinued.”

“So if I die or give you a shit review, they’re tossing you in a trash compactor.”

“I...suppose that would be one of the more morbid ways they would deactivate me,” RK900 says and Gavin kind of wishes he could make the asshole squirm. But the prick’s still standing rigid, as if the possibility of its destruction cannot faze it. “Not that I have preconstructed the consequences of my failure. I was built to succeed and I _always_ accomplish my objectives.”

“Yeah, you’re a walking example of ‘Big Dick’ energy,” Gavin mutters. Before RK900 can ask what he means by that, Gavin cuts in, “Is that why you’re shit with people? Cuz I’m your ‘first’?”

RK900’s brows furrow ever slightly. “You requested I run none of my personality profiles. Without implementing most of my socialization programming, I’m limited in how I engage with you. It’s why you may find my lack of mannerisms ‘creepy’.”

“You’re an android; you’d be fucking creepy no matter what you say,” Gavin argues. “Like that bullshit from earlier. You don’t just tell people you think they’re ‘attractive’. Why the fuck do you think HR always drills that ‘workplace sexual harassment’ shit down our throats?”

“I am sorry for making you uncomfortable, Gavin, yet you did not give me an opportunity to explain,” RK900 responds. “I never said that I personally find you attractive. I merely observed that based on your bone structure and facial features, other humans would categorize you as ‘attractive’. I have no opinion on the matter.”

It should bring Gavin relief to know that Creeper-bot does not secretly want to bone him but Gavin’s surprised to be hurt by RK900’s explanation. Maybe it’s because he can count on one hand the number of people who’ve said anything positive about his appearance. He knows he’s not exactly racking up the Likes on Tinder. Whatever the reason, knowing that Gavin’s not even appealing to socially-impaired androids is not helping his self-confidence.

“Well, good. Wouldn’t want to give you a robo-boner,” Gavin sneers.

“As I have already told you, I do not have the necessary parts—”

“We gonna get my medication or you gonna stand around all day telling me you’re dickless?”

He’d like to think the way the android’s LED spins red means that it’s irritated but if it isn’t running one of its fake personalities, he’s guessing it will be almost impossible to break that poker face. No matter. Gavin’s always liked a challenge.

Hopping out of bed, he begins rummaging around for his cleanest pair of jeans and a shirt. Meanwhile, RK900 collects Gavin’s abandoned food.

“Your eagerness is somewhat unexpected,” RK900 says and it tries to smile but then stops when Gavin glares at it. “However, I think it is important to encourage the steps you are taking to improving your mental health. May I inform you of how proud I am that you are—”

“Save the fucking speeches and let me get dressed before I change my mind.”

“Of course. I will wait for you in the living room.”

Without the plastic there to monitor his every move, Gavin finally strips out of the clothing he had sweated through the night before. Once dressed, he pockets his broken phone and keys. While he knows he needs to start taking his medication again, he can’t say he’s thrilled to be seen in public with the walking Toaster and starts to get anxious. Many of his old coworkers hang around the area since he lives not far from the central station. What if he bumps into one of them and they see him with RK900?

Forcing down his panic, Gavin’s about to meet up with RK900 when his eyes fall to an old jacket that’s too long in the sleeves for him. On top of it is a barely worn Detroit Red Wings cap. Suddenly, he has an idea. 

“Hey, asshole! Gonna need you to do something for me before we go out...”

* * *

“This is pointless and somewhat deceptive,” RK900 declares, earning it a glare from Gavin.

Gavin grabs the android roughly by the jacket sleeve and pulls it into one of the pharmacy aisles. Then, reaching up, he yanks the cap down low enough to completely cover the android’s LED. RK900 kept adjusting it on the walk over and it left a sliver of blue peeking along the rim. “Would you stop your goddamn bitching? You want everyone to fucking look at us?”

“I am not ‘bitching’,” the android says and Gavin stifles a smirk at hearing it swear. “I am merely pointing out how flawed this disguise is.”

Since RK900 insisted on keeping its wings with it, the shield sits beneath the black leather coat and it makes the android look as if it’s got a beefy torso. A few times, Gavin found himself eyeing the android’s left side profile and thinking how hot it would be, were it human. Luckily, the robotic way in which it speaks never fails to snap him out of those ridiculous thoughts. 

“It’s not a ‘disguise’; it’s an improvement,” Gavin argues. 

“This is _not_ an improvement.” Its matter-of-fact tone is so obnoxious, Gavin’s tempted to slap it and probably would if he wouldn’t risk knocking off the cap. “You are aware that by law, I am required to wear a Cyberlife issued uniform that indicates my model number in _all_ public places. What you are making me do is in violation of article 7 of the Android Act.”

“Already gave me that speech back at the apartment,” Gavin says, shrugging, “and I told you, I don’t give a shit. If we’re gonna go places together, you’re gonna have to dress like you don’t have a giant stick up your ass.”

“I am not certain if this is worth reminding you but I do not have the—”

“I swear to fucking god, if you say ‘necessary parts’ one more fucking time, I’m shouting, ‘he’s got a gun’ and booking it outta here,” Gavin snaps.

Gavin doesn’t see it but he swears that the android’s LED is spinning red beneath the cap. “ _That_ is perhaps the most childish and irresponsible threat you have uttered in the last 24 hours and I will not be manipulated into—”

“Armedrobberssaywhat?”

“Why would an armed robber say that?”

Gavin sighs. Maybe he should have asked it to use one of its fake personalities because he’s not about to explain an outdated joke to it. “Look, you said you’re gonna help me get better. You not looking like—well, like a fucking Terminator with wings—makes me not want to die of fucking embarrassment if we’re gonna do all these stupid errands together. People in this neighborhood know me; I don’t want them thinking I’m a robot-fucker.”

If RK900 was human, Gavin would think twice before giving the ‘I’m ashamed of you’ speech. He may be callous but he’s not a dick. Not always, anyway. Luckily, he’s dealing with an android and not something with actual feelings.

“I would not want to cause you mental distress,” RK900 decides, after a long pause.

Gavin claps it on the shoulder. “Great. Now, you’re getting it.”

“I will cooperate with this ‘improvement’ of yours for tonight only and save this discussion for another time.”

“Yeah, that ain’t happening.”

“Gav—”

Gavin whistles loudly, ignoring the android’s protests as he starts plucking snacks and various items he could use for the apartment off the shelves. Cyberlife’s footing the bill anyway and if RK900 tries to make a fuss, Gavin will throw down the ‘mental distress’ shit to shut it up. Cyberlife’s worth trillions of dollars anyway so why not milk that cash cow for the few drops the company is willing to spare?

Strolling over to the prescriptions counter, Gavin drops the items on it and rings the bell. Then, he steps back and curses out loud as his back collides into RK900’s chest. It’s like crashing into a solid wall of brick and of course, the fucker doesn’t get the message that it should move away.

“For fuck’s sake, can I get a little fucking space?!” he hisses loudly, rubbing his shoulder.

RK900 turns its head slightly and then takes a very stiff step back, arms folded behind it as it stands to attention like it’s Gavin’s personal body guard. He really needs to sit down and have the ‘personal space’ talk with it.

“Is this adequate?” RK900 asks.

“Here’s a tip: if I can feel your metal ass breathing down my neck, you’re too fucking close.”

“Ah, so it is my simulated breathing that is causing you discomfort,” RK900 concludes and fails to notice the withering look it’s getting from Gavin. “In that case, I will cease that function.”

“No, that’s not—”

“Good evening. How may I assist you?” the pharmaceutical android assistant asks.

Gavin gives one more dirty look to RK900 before gruffly turning and snapping at the other android, “Name’s Gavin Reed. I’m here for my escitalopram refill.”

The android is all smiles, not at all bothered by the rude way Gavin’s treating it. It should know him by now anyway since it’s been dealing with him since the pharmacy purchased it a few months ago.

Fuck, does Gavin miss speaking to an actual person when he’s getting his meds.

The android’s LED cycles to yellow, blinking a few times. Then, with that every present smile on its face, it says, “I’ll get that for you immediately,” and disappears to the back to retrieve Gavin’s refill. To pass the time, Gavin leans against the counter and begins playing on his phone, mostly to ignore RK900. He can barely progress in the game due to the cracks in the screen.

After an unbearably uncomfortable minute that stretches for an eternity, Gavin glares up at the tall android who, of course, somehow went from two feet away to right in fucking front of him. “Need something, Lurch?”

“I am not lurching.”

Gavin doesn’t bother explaining the reference and goes back to his game, making a show of shifting away from RK900. The asshole, who couldn’t take a fucking hint if Gavin had it tattooed to the plastic’s forehead, steps closer and places itself in its favorite spot: in Gavin’s way. This time, Gavin’s patience is a lot thinner and he lasts about twenty seconds before snapping at the android, “What? My face dirty or something?”

“Your face is perfectly acceptable and an improvement over your appearance this morning. It is no longer in violation of social expectations on personal hygiene,” RK900 answers. 

“Stop talking like a goddamn robot,” Gavin whispers as he notices the sour look they’re getting from another customer. Shit. It’s that old judgmental asshole who lives on the first floor of Gavin’s building.

Without thinking, Gavin throws an arm around RK900 and laughs awkwardly, nuzzling his face against the android’s shoulder and then exclaiming, “Babe, you know how much I love your android impressions. But maybe save that shit for the bedroom, yeah?”

RK900 gives Gavin a blank look and it’s obvious the android is completely lost. Gavin’s smile becomes more strained.

“Ah,” the android says, as if something just dawned on it, “I understand. Registering the name ‘babe’.”

Gavin’s eyes widen and in his head, he’s internally screaming. But there’s no time to reprimand the idiot plastic since Gavin’s downstairs neighbor, Mr. Johnston, grumbles, “This is a family-friendly business, Reed. Keep your lifestyle to yourself.”

Gavin flips off the old bigot as he walks away, hoping the asshole’s only lashing out due to his run-of-the-mill Evangelical bigotry and not because he realizes RK900 is an android. With Mr. Johnston gone, Gavin pushes off RK900 as if the android is a walking disease factory, folding his arms over his chest with a scowl. He pretends to be oblivious to how hot his face feels. 

“That man is not very pleasant.”

“No shit,” Gavin says.

“Why would you want to incite his bigotry by pretending we are in a relationship?” RK900 asks. 

“Because...I dunno, I guess it was the first thing I thought of,” Gavin shrugs. Then, he adds, “But don’t fucking read anything into it. I wanted that asshole to think you were some prick I’m boning and not my plastic babysitter.”

“In light of this ‘social experiment’ you have conducted, I feel it imperative to inform you that my programming prevents me from engaging in any form of romantic or sexual intimacy due to the sensitive nature of your mental state,” RK900 tells him. The flush in Gavin’s cheeks deepens as RK900 explains, “It would be unethical.”

“What the fuck does an android know about ethics?” Gavin mutters. Rubbing his hand over his face, Gavin releases a long sigh. “No worries, Tin Can. They made you pretty but I ain’t that thirsty.”

That blank look is back on the android’s face. Gavin can’t quite explain how this is different from the usual expressionless stare it has but he just _knows_ he’s said something to confuse the android. “You may not be thirsty now but humans should consume liquids regularly. I will retrieve a bottle of cola that you can consume later. I noticed that this pharmacy sells the brand I found in your apartment.”

The urge for his palm to meet his face has never been stronger. “Great. You go do that.”

Gavin shakes his head as RK900 goes to the fridge to get him a Coca Cola. How is it that they’ve made sociable androids that are nearly indistinguishable from humans but he somehow ends up with one that takes everything quite literally?

The android pharmacist returns and Gavin could almost cry in relief as he’s saved from more awkward conversations with his live-in-nanny Terminator. “How will you be paying today?”

“I will conduct the transaction,” RK900 says and adds the Coke to the counter.

Then, the androids do that weird android shit Gavin’s witnessed before, where they stare at each other for twenty seconds and their LEDs blink. He can only see the pharmacist’s LED changing color and tries not to be bothered but it’s super unnerving to realize these two are communicating and he has no way of knowing what dumb shit androids say when they connect like this. Maybe it’s all zeroes and ones. 

With the purchase complete, the pharmacist smiles and thanks them for their service. Shoving the bag of items into RK900’s arms, Gavin keeps his head down as they walk past Mr. Johnston and leave the store. He’s always super anxious about coming down here and it’s only made worse by the fact he had to deal with that asshole from his building.

“You know what? Maybe I am thirsty,” Gavin declares, stopping in front of Jimmy’s only a few doors down. It’s been forever since he could afford drinking in a bar and he needs something to take the edge off.

His hand is already on the door when the android begins its predictable lecture. “I would not advise consuming alcohol, Gavin. You need to take your medication. Also, alcohol is diuretic and may leave you more thirsty.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“This establishment does not allow androids,” RK900 says and indicates to the sign.

“That’s why I love this bar; it’s one of the few places in the city where I won’t run into one of you plastic assholes.” Rolling his eyes as RK900 stares pointedly at the sign, Gavin then tugs impatiently at the android’s sleeve. “Look, you coming or not? No one’s gonna know you’re a Tin Can if you don’t act like it.”

“The sign—”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m not fucking illiterate. Just keep your damn mouth shut, don’t speak unless spoken to, and you let me deal with Jimmy if he starts giving you attitude.”

Expecting more resistance, Gavin’s shocked that RK900 allows him to drag it inside. Immediately, a feeling of catharsis hits Gavin as familiar tunes play on the radio and he sees some of the regulars quietly having their beers as they watch the Tigers’ game on the screens. It’s one of the few luxuries he gave up when he went on social assistance and he’s missed being able to unwind here after a long day at a crime scene.

“Evenin’ Reed,” Jimmy says, waving at the two. 

For the first time in weeks, Gavin’s got a genuine grin on his face as he walks over to the bar. “Hey, Jim, how’s it going?”

“Haven’t seen you in a while. Started thinking you’ve been cheatin’ on me with some other taphouse,” Jimmy jokes. He nods to the ever present plastic shadow Gavin’s now convinced he’ll never shake. “Who’s your friend?”

Gavin pauses, his mind drawing nothing but blanks as he tries to think up a name. He can’t say ‘RK900’ because then Jimmy will be pissed at him for showing up with a toaster. But what in the hell should he call the android who has zero personality and is a bigger buzzkill than whiskey dick?

“My name is Babe,” RK900 declares, with a proud confidence Gavin is not expecting at all, “I’m Gavin’s lover.”

Unlike his previous flirtations with death, Gavin’s life is suddenly flashing before his eyes. In a handful of seconds, he relives every moment of humiliation, from that time that asshole Brady in third grade dropped Gavin’s pants in front of all his classmates, to when Gavin walked in on his ex blowing someone else. All those moments pale compared to the savage murder of what little is left of his dignity as RK900 says the most embarrassing thing Gavin’s ever heard uttered.

So, this is why that winged asshole saved Gavin all those times: it was so the prick can murder Gavin’s character in front of an audience.

Face flaring hotter than it’s ever had, Gavin’s so embarrassed that he gapes in horrified silence, his mind running through all the ways he wishes he could punish the android. An uncomfortable cough snaps Gavin out of a train of murderous fantasies he’d love to inflict on his ‘lover’ and Gavin turns sharply to Jimmy with a strained grin.

“ ‘Scuse us, Jim. Gotta have a quick word with Nines.”

It’s the first word that pops into Gavin’s head that isn’t an expletive and the only saving grace of the dumb name is that it’s infinitely better than ‘Babe’. Nines—or whatever the fuck Gavin’s gonna call it—stares at Gavin in confusion but offers no resistance as Gavin drags the android back towards the exit. The sound of snickering can be heard from some of the other guys and if Gavin didn’t have 6 foot 2 of walking toaster to deal with, he’d be clocking those pricks for laughing at him.

Once outside, all filters are off and Gavin explodes. “What the _fuck_ was that? _Babe_? You trying to give me a fucking aneurysm?”

“Aneurysms are not usually caused by—”

“Not in the fucking mood for you to go Wikipedia on all the shit I say!” Gavin snaps at it, fists shaking at his side. The urge to strike it is almost impossible to ignore but even he knows he’ll only end up damaging himself if he hits it. He’s no believer but now he’s thinking there’s gotta be someone up there laughing at the shit he’s gotten himself into. “Why in the fuck would you tell anyone _that_?!”

Thankfully, RK900 doesn’t need clarification for what Gavin means. “Earlier, you had me register my name as ‘Babe’ and implied that we are in a relationship. When you requested that I not act like a ‘Tin Can’, I thought you wanted me to continue that deception.”

“I wanted you to pretend to be human, not tell everyone we’re fucking!” 

Gavin’s voice is so loud, even he flinches. He quickly glances around to make sure nobody can overhear them.

RK900 tilts its head. “I apologize, Gavin, but that part was not clear. You are a very confusing person.”

Gavin actually laughs, a raw and bitter sound because of fucking course he has to explain it to the plastic fucker as if he’s teaching a child. Fuck his life. “I’m confusing? I’m not the asshole who can’t put two-and-two together without melting my computer brain! Fucking Christ, if you pricks are built this stupid, no wonder Cyberlife has you guarding bridges for jumpers. It’s the only fucking thing you’re good at!”

The android stares quietly during Gavin’s tirade, the edge of its LED peeking from the cap. The LED is spinning yellow and then cycles to a deep shade of red. It doesn’t make any expression but there’s something quite different about RK900’s demeanor as Gavin keeps yelling at it, standing on the sidewalk pathetically and clutching Gavin’s bag from the pharmacy. When Gavin stops snapping at it, he almost feels guilty the way one would if they kicked a sick puppy. Almost.

“...I was not aware you are that unsatisfied with my services,” RK900 says, quietly. A sliver of red light blinks at the rim of its hat. “If you would like, I can contact Cyberlife and they will send another android immediately to replace me.”

Gavin startles. He remembers what RK900 said earlier. ‘Replace’ is just a nice way of reminding Gavin that it will get deactivated if it fails.

_Good. It fucking deserves it,_ Gavin thinks, maliciously. After the humiliation he’s suffered because the stupid asshole couldn’t figure out how to act around Gavin’s acquaintances, why should he care if Cyberlife destroys it?

But if Gavin does send the moron away, it means he’ll have to deal with yet another one of them and the next model Cyberlife sends could be even more annoying.

“Don’t fucking bother,” Gavin sneers, telling himself he’s not at all bothered by what might be the hint of hurt on RK900’s mostly impassive face. “Knowing those assholes at Cyberlife, they’ll send someone more fucking useless than you.”

Seeing a bench in front of the shop next door, Gavin points to it. “I’m gonna have a few drinks. You can sit your ass there and wait til I’m done.”

RK900 looks questioningly to the bar but when Gavin’s glare deepens, it finally obeys and approaches the bench. Before Gavin can leave, he hears it call back to him, “That name you used inside: Nines. Would you like me to register that as my designation instead?”

Gavin’s still so livid, he can’t give a shit. “Call yourself whatever the fuck you want.”

He returns inside, eager to get away from Nines before it has a chance to reply. He was planning on only having a beer or two but now he feels like he’s going to need at least half the bar’s whiskey to forget that horrifying shit Nines said to the owner. But his anxiety hits him like a freight train as he notices the eyes on him and the loud whispers. Fuck, he came here to forget his troubles, not start new ones.

“The usual?” Jimmy asks.

Gavin ducks his head and grunts.

He downs most of the lager within moments of Jimmy placing it in front of him. Wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his jacket, Gavin grumbles out an order of whiskey. There’s a tightness in his chest and a pounding in his head and beer won’t take him to where he wants to be quick enough.

After Gavin throws back the shot, Jimmy finally asks, “That your new guy?”

Gavin scowls and orders another shot. It’s not until the alcohol burns its way down his throat that he answers, “He fucking wishes. Asshole won’t leave me the fuck alone.”

That part is at least true. 

“He seems really into you. Might wanna go easy on him, Reed.”

Gavin’s face is once again a deep scarlet. With a sneer, he slaps down the last $20 in his wallet and snaps, “You gonna refill my drinks or you gonna keep playing ‘therapist’?”

“Keep the cash flowin’ and I’ll keep the drinks comin’,” Jimmy says, with a small chuckle. “The life advice is free.”

“Fuck, I shoulda went to Mike’s instead.”

“Mike woulda thrown your cranky ass out for all that attitude,” Jimmy quips. “Admit it, Reed: you’ve missed me.”

With the beginnings of a buzz hitting him, Gavin relaxes and smirks at the bartender. “Damn right I did.”

He chats with Jimmy for a little longer before turning his attention to the game playing on the closest screen, not really following it but welcoming the visual distraction as he starts on his second beer. When the whiskey hits, it hits hard, and Gavin’s soon slurring out his orders and only just holding himself up so he doesn’t pass out on the bar. He’ll have one hell of a hangover later but it’ll be worth it if it helps him momentarily forget the bullshit from the last few days. 

“’nother round,” he says, fumbling for a credit card that isn’t maxed out. Everything’s spinning and he drops some coins before he does the sensible thing and places his wallet on the sticky counter. He squints and scrutinizes each card carefully as his vision goes out of focus, tilting the cards to try and catch the dim light. Fuck, he can’t remember if it’s his Bank of America card or his VISA that’s maxed out.

“You’ve had enough, Reed. How ‘bout I get you a cab home?”

But Gavin doesn’t want to go out there and face his robot-babysitter. He might be so drunk that he can’t stand up without leaning on the bar but he’s not _that_ wasted. It’s not as if he’s forgotten what’s waiting outside Jimmy’s. 

There’s only one solution: more alcohol.

“Fuck you, I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough,” Gavin slurs, swaying and forced to keep both hands on the bar to stop himself from falling over. Not his goddamn fault the entire room decided to start spinning.

“This prick causing trouble, Jim?”

Gavin knows he’s heard that voice before but his brain won’t cooperate, failing to put an image to what he’s hearing. He turns too quickly, grabs a stool to steady himself as the sting of bile crawls up his throat. He swallows thickly and it hurts to keep it down but throwing up all over himself is not an option.

“The fuck you doing here, Anderson?” Gavin snaps. “Thought Jimmy banned you after that shit you pulled in December.”

“Go home, Reed; you’re so goddamn drunk, you can’t even stand.”

“You’re not my boss ‘nymore,” Gavin sneers, going to jab Hank in the chest but flailing and falling back against the bar. He settles back in his stool with a glare. It doesn’t deter him from biting out, “so fuck off,” with enough venom to drive home how much he hates his ex-superior. There was a time he might have looked up to the DPD’s most decorated cop. Maybe it even motivated Gavin to be better at his job. But after Anderson’s son died last year and the detective took to the bottle, Gavin has only resentment for the shell of a man that remains. Anderson’s friendship with Fowler is the reason the prick still has a job and the reminder of it leaves a sour, vile taste in Gavin’s mouth.

“You should listen to the Lieutenant, Gavin; if you continue to act in this manner, we will have no choice but to arrest you for disorderly conduct,” Hank’s companion says.

Gavin does a double-take, squints to the man standing protectively beside Anderson. It takes him a moment but when he sees that LED on that familiar face, he realizes it’s no man. Gavin’s lips curl in a vicious scowl and he snaps, “Thought I told you to wait outside. What the fuck are you doing in here?!”

The android makes a confused face, one more expressive than any it’s given him over the last twenty-four hours. Gavin’s got no clue where it got its gray jacket or where the hell its wing shield went but he doesn’t give a shit. Nines is disobeying the order Gavin gave it and Gavin will beat the shit out of the plastic prick if it’s in here to try and drag him home.

“What the hell are you talking about, Reed?” Anderson demands, glancing between Gavin and the android. “If you want him that bad, you can take him.”

“That wouldn’t work, Lieutenant,” the android protests and Gavin’s surprised to see it offended. Why the fuck does it care about Anderson, anyway? “I’m to report to you and no one else. Also, Gavin is no longer a cop.”

Way to rub salt in an old wound.

“Get the fuck back out there before I tell Cyberlife their little pet project is another fucking failure,” Gavin threatens. He wobbles off his seat and tries to shove at Nines but is then grabbed and tugged back by Anderson.

“Don’t rough it up, Reed, or we’ll both be in shit for damaging him.”

“Hank, you know the rules: you gotta keep your partner outside,” Jimmy says.

“You think I didn’t try? This asshole won’t listen to a damn word I say until I take him to the crime scene.”

“A crime scene we were asked to report to an _hour ago_ ,” the android admonishes.

Gavin rips out of Hank’s steadying grip, banging his side into the bar. He rights himself and gets a good look at the blurry android standing in front of him. As the android comes a bit more into focus, Gavin notices the small details that eluded him moments before: what stands out most is the android’s brown eyes, the model number RK800 glowing on its jacket, and a sharper jawline that’s less pronounced than what Gavin was side-eyeing hours before. All indicators that this android _isn’t_ the asshole he’d banished to the bench outside.

Well... _fuck._

Since when are there two of them?!

“Who the fuck’s this?”

“ _This_ is Connor, the asshole Fowler’s making me babysit,” Hank grumbles. He pulls some cash out of his wallet and slaps it on the bar. “Gimme a shot for the road. Make it a double.”

“I’m Lieutenant Anderson’s _partner,_ a prototype created by Cyberlife to assistant in police investigations,” Connor says, in a tone that makes it infinitely more obnoxious than its doppelganger. Gavin’s been in its presence for only two minutes and already, he wants to punch its perfect face. “You’ll excuse the Lieutenant. He gets cantankerous when he hasn’t had a drink in more than two hours.”

...is it being snarky?

Hank mutters something under his breath but Gavin ignores the obvious tension between the unlikely pair, his eyes narrowing as he studies the blurry android. The alcohol has definitely slowed his cognitive functions but Gavin’s still able to put two and two together. The conclusion he reaches is one that darkens the expression he’s already wearing. 

“Are you saying you’re some sort of ‘android detective’?” he asks, snidely.

Connor tilts its head in that same way Gavin’s seen Nines do. “I suppose my skill set would make me equivalent to a detective. However, I also perform DNA analysis in real time and a variety of tasks carried out by crime scene investigators.”

“He’s also got a giant stick up his ass and won’t shut up when you get him going,” Hank complains, throwing back his drink.

“Jim, you gonna tell ‘em to get the droid outta here?” one of the other patrons demands.

“You know the rules, Hank,” Jimmy says.

Hank drops another bill on the counter. “One more, then me and the plastic will hit the road.”

“That’s enough, Lieutenant. This is not what we agreed upon when I allowed you to come in,” Connor says, taking the bill off the counter before Jimmy can collect it.

Hank attempts to take it back but then Connor steps out of reach, earning him a glare. “For fuck’s sake, Con, it’s only one more drink—”

“You’re the asshole Fowler replaced me with!” Gavin exclaims, interrupting Hank’s argument with his partner. A sick sensation leaves Gavin’s blood cold as he thinks of the years he put into his work on the force, the time spent climbing up the ladder and passing the detective’s exam last year. All that to end up on food stamps and leaping from a bridge because he sees no way out of the cycle of poverty he’s now trapped in.

Both Connor and Anderson stop arguing, their attention now on Gavin. Connor’s LED spins yellow. “I’m certain there were a number of factors that resulted in your termination—”

“When the fuck did you start working there?” Gavin demands. “It was January, wasn’t it?”

Its LED blinks red. “I don’t know how that’s relevant—”

“Don’t answer him, Con,” Anderson orders, stepping between Gavin and the android. “He’s only looking for a fight.”

But Gavin’s not having it. He's sick of being treated like the DPD’s dirty laundry. Out of everyone he worked with, Anderson should have had his back and nothing stung as hard as Anderson’s betrayal when Anderson took Fowler’s side. That bitterness remains at the tip of Gavin’s tongue as he snaps back, “Fuck off, Anderson, me ‘n the plastic are having a fucking conversation!”

Anderson places a firm hand on Gavin’s shoulder, his dark expression sending a chill down Gavin’s spine. He’s rarely seen Anderson get this angry. “You’re drunk, Reed. Go home, sleep it off, and if you’re still pissed in the morning, blow off some steam at the shooting range.”

Sound advice and if Gavin had any sense, he’d know better than to poke the bear. Unfortunately, he never learned how to hold back. “The fuck you defending the Tin Can for? Thought you were one of us, Anderson. All that anti-android shit you used to spew off and the second Fowler gives you a pretty one, you decide you like getting your dick wet off plastic? You’re a fucking disgrace to the badge, you goddamn hypocrite!”

“Yeah, yeah. Ain’t nothing I’ve never heard over the dinner table,” Anderson remarks, with an exasperation that’s more tired than bitter. “Jimmy, call him a cab. Con, help me get this asshole outside.”

Not about to be baited into a fight, Anderson steers Gavin towards the door. But it’s the last straw for Gavin, who's done with Anderson’s patronizing. He swivels out of Anderson’s grip and uses the momentum to throw his right fist in Anderson’s face. His knuckles connect with Hank’s jaw and _fuck_! Even with the numbing of alcohol, his fist still stings. 

Hank chokes back a sound of surprise and Gavin stumbles and props against a nearby booth to keep himself from falling. Everything’s spinning faster, multiple Hanks appearing before Gavin’s eyes but he doesn’t give any of them a chance to react as he throws himself at the lieutenant.

But he doesn’t reach his target. Instead, Gavin cries out as he collides with a solid chest, a blue armband glowing brightly at the corner of his eye. The android—Connor—comes into focus, brows furrowed and red flashing at its temple. Gavin snarls and shoves it but it doesn’t move. A string of expletives spill off his tongue and Gavin throws a punch at it because he’s not about to let some pretty boy plastic make a mockery of him, not after all the humiliation that’s come with the loss of his badge.

But Connor’s reaction time, coupled with Gavin’s sluggish impulses, gives the android the upper hand. It catches Gavin’s fist, twists, and grapples the arm behind Gavin’s back. Gavin makes a pained sound as he’s shoved roughly against the booth.

“Let me fucking go you fucking job-stealing prick!” Gavin shouts, trying to twist himself free. He curses as his other arm is also forced behind his back and his struggling only makes it worse. He bites down on his lip to deny the android the satisfaction of hearing his discomfort.

“Gavin Reed, you are under arrest for assaulting an officer,” Connor declares and Gavin struggles harder as he feels cold metal being slapped onto his wrists. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used—”

“Release him immediately,” a voice demands, coolly.

Many heads turn towards the entrance, Gavin’s included. Standing in the doorway, Nines gives Connor a look that almost makes Gavin piss himself. The android’s LED is swirling bright red and though it’s expression is mostly unchanged from the neutral one it always wears, there’s the slight furrowing of its brows and a small pull at its lips to indicate how pissed off it is. Clad all in black, Gavin can’t help but think that if Death manifested itself in human form, it would be looking the way Nines does in that moment—if Death was a Red Wings fan.

Connor’s LED spins to yellow and it regards Nines curiously. Hank, however, stares between them and then makes a sound of frustration. “Con, you never said there were two of you.”

“This is an RK900,” Connor says, as if that explains everything. At the confused look Anderson gives him, Connor adds, “It’s a model designed to assist the federal government. We are not the same.”

Even Gavin’s got no clue why the two of them look so similar. It’s not uncommon to come across two androids of the same model who are identical but he’s never seen it across different generations of androids.

“You will release Gavin Reed this instant,” RK900 says, its tone so frigid, Gavin gets actual chills.

“I can’t do that,” Connor protests, glaring at Nines. “He assaulted an officer and has conducted himself in a disorderly manner—”

Nines’ wings fold out, spreading across the entrance of the bar with a soft, mechanical _swish._ Other drinkers murmur in surprise, some even shifting to put more distance between themselves and the pissed off android. It’s the Cyberlife equivalent of a pissing contest and right now, Nines easily has the upper hand.

“Jesus Christ, they can fly now?” Anderson grumbles.

“Perhaps you didn’t process my order the first time,” RK900 says to Connor, icily. “Uncuff him or I will report to both the DPD and Cyberlife this act of unlawful, forceful arrest I observed and submit what I witnessed as visual evidence.”

“There is nothing ‘unlawful’ about arresting a citizen who attacks an officer of the law—”

“But there are laws and coding in place preventing an android from engaging in a physical altercation with a human, unless all other means have been exhausted,” Nines finishes. “You intervened rather quickly. Perhaps there is something in your coding that Cyberlife _should_ review to prevent any future incidents of police brutality. I doubt the Detroit Police Department would like _another_ scandal on their hands.”

Gavin flinches at the mention of the scandal, the very shit that got him where he is now. More shockingly, he notes that Connor has become uncomfortably quiet, its eyes locked on Nines as its LED swirls wildly. It seems conflicted.

“Let him go, Con,” Anderson orders.

“He broke the law, Lieutenant.”

“Reed’s a dumb ass who’s always getting himself into shit,” Anderson says. “Let his android take care of him.”

“That fucker’s NOT my android!”

Gavin goes mostly ignored as the two androids continue to stare each other down.

Leaning in closer to Connor, Anderson adds, in barely above whisper, “Fowler will have our asses if you piss it off. And as much as I like Jimmy and the guys, they’ll have nothing nice to say about an android cuffing one of the regulars. Give this prick a pass and let’s get to that crime scene.”

The handcuffs _click_ and Gavin feels them slide off. He sneers at Connor, sways and catches himself on the table of the booth. His head’s pounding, his throat’s burning, and everything is moving so quickly, he can hardly tell up from down.

Hank whispers something to Nines and then, him and Connor are gone. 

“Fuck you, you goddamn drunk,” Gavin grumbles to the closing door. 

He strides forward and stumbles into Nines’ arms. Drool drips from his chin as he slurs and tells the android off, even tries to push the android away. But Nines’ grip on him is firm and Gavin hears its wings fold back into its shield before the android leads him outside. 

The first thing Gavin notes is the gentle patter of rain that falls on them, the drops cooling him as they dribble down his cheeks. His resistance weakens a little as Nines takes him to the bench, where Gavin’s black leather jacket and groceries have been left. Nines tries to help Gavin sit but Gavin’s once more being difficult and slaps away the android’s hands. Everything’s spinning so quickly, he’s struck with momentary vertigo and has to grip the back of the bench to remain standing.

“Gavin—”

“You just had to get in my way and make me look like a fucking chump!” Gavin snaps. He blinks at the stinging in his eyes and mentally curses the rain. “Couldn’t fucking let me handle my own shit!”

“You need to sit down, Gavin. You’ve had too much to drink and are in no state to move—”

“Why can’t you fucking leave me alone!” Gavin screams at Nines and he viciously swipes away the rain water clouding his vision. “Why can’t you mind your own business!”

Nines doesn't reply. It stares at him, uncertain. Hesitant.

This only makes Gavin angrier.

“Fuck you!” he shouts, voice cracking. “It’s all your fucking fault! You fucking—fucking plastic piece of shit—you f-fucking…!”

Nines looks more conflicted. As Gavin’s legs wobble, it tries to once more to help him. “Gavin—”

“Don’t fucking touch me!” His vision is so obscured by the rain, he can barely make out Nines standing in front of him. He blindly shoves at the android’s chest. “Why the fuck are you even here? Why the fuck won’t you let me fucking die?!”

“Because I don’t want you to die!”

It’s said more loudly than the android’s ever said anything, with unexpected inflection. Nowhere near a shout but it’s not the monotone Gavin’s gotten used to. The declaration stuns both Gavin and RK900, whose LED is once more spinning and blinking a color that should be more ominous. It...looks as confused as it had been when Gavin questioned it for calling him attractive.

“Y-You’re a _machine_ ,” Gavin hisses. His hands are shaking as they drop to his sides, his drunken brain seeking answers. Excuses. He angrily jabs the android. “You don’t fucking want _anything!_ You can’t!”

There’s almost a desperation to the way he utters it, like Gavin’s begging Nines to agree with him. Androids can’t _think._ They can’t _feel_. They execute programming—fulfill a purpose—like any other electronic sitting in Gavin’s apartment.

“I...am aware that I am only a machine,” Nines says.

But it sounds as if it’s trying to convince itself.

“Y-You’re just fucking saying shit, fucking saying anything to finish your stupid, fucking objectives!” Gavin shouts, his vision so blurry, he can’t glare up properly at Nines. 

“That...is a very real possibility,” Nines agrees, quietly.

It hurts that _this_ is what Gavin gets, that when he’s kicked down at his lowest, he’s receiving empty words from something that doesn’t understand the implications of what it’s saying. “You don’t give a shit about me! Nobody gives a fucking shit about me! So stop fucking pretending! S-Stop f-fucking—”

Gavin keels over, the burning in his throat so powerful, he can no longer hold it in. He clutches at the bench as he vomits, the contents that have been sitting in his stomach tasting acrid as its forced from his throat. It splatters to the ground and Nines’ shoes. 

Retching and heaving, Gavin squeezes an arm over his stomach. He chokes back a cry and is shocked to feel a soothing hand rubbing at his back. Eyes darting up to stare into a sea of cool gray, Gavin sees something in Nines’ eyes that terrifies him, something that his brain is telling him not to trust.

He’s been burned so often, all that’s left are ashes.

But Gavin’s always been impulsive, throws himself headfirst into everything. He can never trust his brain because one minute it’s telling him to smoke a cigarette and the next, he’s jumping from his balcony. He’s been strung thin, straining beneath expectation and his inevitable failures, and every time he’s snapped, he’s had only the voice in his head telling him everything he doesn’t want to hear.

So why should he trust it now?

Swiping at his mouth, Gavin collects the vomit on his lips, not caring that it’s staining the sleeve of his jacket. He starts to rise to his feet unsteadily but Nines is right there to help him, the android’s grip firm as it helps Gavin upright. They both stand there, staring at each other, the tears leaking from the corner of Gavin’s eyes and blending with the raindrops that have tracked trails down his cheeks. There’s a question on the tip of his tongue and Gavin needs to know the answer. His mouth is moving before he can stop himself.

“That shit you said,” he begins, his voice hoarse, “did you mean it?”

Nines doesn’t ask for clarification. It knows exactly what Gavin’s referring to _._ “I...believe so.”

The android may sound indecisive but it’s good enough for Gavin. 

Unable to hold back as Gavin’s brittle resolve crumbles, he throws his arms around Nines and buries his face in the android’s chest. For the first time in forever, Gavin really cries, a scream of rage that bursts from his chest but is swallowed into RK900’s shirt. He cries for the self-made Hell his brain’s constructed for him, for the loss of everything that once gave his life meaning. He cries because even when he tries to kill himself, he _can’t_ and he cries because he forgets what not to wanting to kill himself feels like. He’s been going through the motions, pressing rewind each time he wakes up, and enduring: he’s been living because he _has_ to, not because he _wants_ to.

The rain falls harder as Gavin clings to Nines. At some point, the android’s arms slowly snake around Gavin, as if he’s expecting Gavin to reject his awkward attempt at affection. But Gavin doesn’t and soon, Nines is clutching Gavin tightly, holding him as Gavin continues to sob. 

And, for a brief moment, Gavin doesn’t resent being alive.


	3. Napalm Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin begins to open up about his problem with androids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is part three! Thank you to everyone who has been following the story and leaving wonderful feedback for both myself and Karolina. If you are only just stumbling upon this fic, I highly encourage you to check out the [Reed900 Reverse Big Bang event.](https://reed900reversebigbang.tumblr.com/) You can also check out their [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Reed900RBB) for more Reed900 artwork and fics. Thank you to everyone involved in organizing the event!
> 
> I would also like to extend a big thank you to my beta reader, [PleniceLune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plenicelune/pseuds/Plenicelune) for beta reading this chapter, even while under the weather. Hope you are feeling better <3\. I also have nothing but love for Karolina and her amazing artwork. You will see a few of [her works](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/8e5abq) posted in this chapter but please check out her [artstation](https://www.artstation.com/kbotko) page if you get the chance. I am still shocked that I've had the chance to work with someone as wonderful and talented as her <3
> 
> Please check out the updated tags before reading further.
> 
> Happy reading!

Gavin remembers very little after that. He knows he  ended up in a taxi, head on Nines’ shoulder as he  groaned and  fought the urge to vomit once more. Then, all too soon, wet clothes  were peeled off of him and he was being  tucked into his bed. The last thing Gavin recalls before he was overcome with exhaustion was grabbing Nines’ hand and uttering softly, “Don’t go.” Nines had been sitting silent and stone-faced at the edge of Gavin’s bed, his swirling LED giving away the internal conflict the android was facing, holding Gavin’s hand until Gavin could no longer stay awake. 

Gavin sleeps better than he has in ages.

But that doesn’t make up for awakening to the worst hangover he’s ever had. His head feels as if it’s being split in two. Though there’s no immediate noise, the deafening silence in his room is somehow worse, as if his ears are filled with fluid and no amount of pressure can drain them. He gives a pained whine and rolls onto his side but it only makes his stomach queasy. Fuck, is he regretting the night before.

He cracks an eye open, stares at the empty space beside him. Disappointment sits like a heavy stone on his chest. As fuzzy as his memory is, he remembers thinking how warm Nines’ hand had felt, not at all as cold as he would expect a machine to be. It felt...well,  _ human. _

Worst of all, it felt  _ right. _

_ It’s too goddamn early for this shit, _ Gavin thinks, forcing his brain to stop that dangerous train of thought. 

Even if the android’s convinced himself that what he feels is genuine, that doesn’t change anything. Gavin  _ knows _ those things are programmed to  _ act  _ human. That doesn’t mean Nines is or ever will be anything other than what he’s programmed to be.

But...it is  _ nice _ believing someone — or something — gives a shit about Gavin.

Avoiding the philosophical crisis his brain is having on androids, Gavin decides it’s time for a smoke. He stretches over the side of the bed to find his jeans from the night before, expecting to find the pack still in the pocket. In his head, he can hear Nines once more reprimanding him, “This habit may cause you to die prematurely if you continue to indulge it.” Gavin’s snide, “Not fucking fast enough,” had earned him a lecture, which had gone ignored as he flipped the android off and continued sucking on the cancer stick on the way to the pharmacy. Nines had not been impressed.

To Gavin’s annoyance, most of the dirty clothes that  _ should _ be strewn across the room are missing. The rest of the clutter is still there but it doesn’t answer the immediate question of where the fuck his cigarettes and lighter are. He’s not quite ready to deal with Nines and all the rest of the emotional fallout for letting the plastic take care of him but his nicotine cravings are making his head pound harder and if he doesn’t get a cigarette this fucking instant, he’ll—

Gavin huffs in irritation and snatches the pack and his lighter from the nightstand. Well, at least Nines didn’t get rid of them. He can yell at the android later for moving his shit around. 

He gets through two smokes, scrolling through his phone to pass the time. The cigarettes hardly help him feel less like shit but at least his nicotine craving is satisfied. Now, there’s only the caffeine to deal with and for as much as his sick stomach spurns the thought of chugging anything down his throat, Gavin’s addiction to coffee overrules common sense behavior. He may just end up paying for it later but who gives a shit?

Groggily getting out of bed, it takes two attempts for Gavin to stand upright, the nausea hitting him like a ton of bricks. When he feels brave enough to move, he slowly makes his way to his dresser and rifles around for a shirt. Nines had only managed to get him into a pair of sweatpants the night before and Gavin’s face burns hot as his treacherous mind plays a montage of moments he would be better off forgetting. He doesn’t need to think about how solid Nines’ chest felt against his cheek, nor how much he liked the feel of Nines’ arms around him. That’s how pathetic Gavin’s life has become: he’s now coveting moments of intimacy from a  _ machine _ because he knows no sensible human could, nor ever would, want him.

Throwing on an old, faded gray shirt, Gavin heads into the kitchen, expecting to see Nines doing something irritating, like rearranging Gavin’s dishes. To his surprise, the android’s not there. Neither is he in the living room when Gavin pokes his head around the corner. Panic grips the ex-cop’s chest as Gavin wonders if this time, he’s chased the android off for good.

But his anxious thoughts have no time to run down their irrational path as Gavin catches a glimpse of Nines through the open balcony doors. Instead of his racing heart slowing, it beats faster, color splashing across Gavin’s cheeks. The scowl he’s wearing is more to lie to himself about the unwanted fluttering in his chest as he refuses to believe it’s anything other than the symptoms of a hangover that makes him this flustered when Nines catches his eyes. He doesn’t keep the android’s attention for very long as Nines then returns to cooing at the pigeon perched on the android’s arm. It’s odd to hear the android perfectly mimic a pigeon and for the pigeon to coo right back.

_ What in the fuck…? _

Gavin remains a few inches from the doors, staring at the metallic wings spread across the length of the balcony. Each wing has a few pigeons perched on it and Gavin realizes that the reason the coos were so loud is because it’s not only one but half a dozen birds responding to Nines. Gavin’s never seen this many birds on his balcony since the few times he could be bothered to smoke out here, he’s chased off the annoying fuckers before they could shit all over the place.

“How the hell are you doing that?” Gavin asks.

The pigeons immediately scatter and Nines’ LED blinks yellow. 

The android watches them fly away and lifts his brows slightly, in what is probably Nines’ version of a pout. “You scared them.”

“Good riddance.” Gavin pretends to not feel bad at the android’s disappointment. “Don’t need them shitting all over my balcony.”

The day’s cloudy but still too bright for Gavin, who squints and leans in the doorway. It feels like something’s trying to split his head open and he holds back a grimace.

Nines diverts his sharp gaze back to Gavin. His LED is still yellow and swirls a few more times before settling back to blue. “Are you feeling better this morning, Gavin? If you are still sick, I will escort you to the nearest clinic and we will seek the assistance of a medical professional.”

Gavin bites back a cold laugh. As if he could afford a visit with a doctor. Maybe this also falls under those ‘necessities’ Cyberlife’s offered to cover. Either way, Gavin hates doctors and never goes unless he absolutely has to. “It’s a hangover. I’ll get over it.”

Nines doesn’t seem satisfied with that response but doesn’t push. Gavin wishes Nines was like this most of the time. “Then perhaps you will listen to my recommendation and hydrate yourself throughout the day. Water is the best source for rehydrating the body. If you would like, I can monitor how much water you consume and provide reminders for when you should be replenishing your system.”

Gavin rubs at his temples, already feeling his headache getting worse. And all this talk of water suddenly makes him want to piss. At least Nines is being his typical, robot self. The asshole might look pretty but it’s hard for Gavin to look past how he talks like a walking encyclopedia. “Fucking Christ, can you not be annoying for two seconds? Maybe wait ‘til I’ve had some goddamn coffee first.”

“I am having a difficult time ascertaining how to not irritate you when it appears that my very presence causes you some frustration,” Nines admits. He tilts his head in that way he does when he’s perplexed and nothing about it makes the dumb machine more endearing to Gavin. Nope.

“No shit. I’ve only been bitching about this ‘arrangement’ for two days now,” Gavin mutters, folding his arms over his chest. He regrets moving because now, his bladder is really screaming for him to get his ass to the can. “Nice detective work, Captain Obvious.”

“...I am neither a captain, nor do I conduct investigations,” Nines says, looking even more puzzled. “You must be confusing me with my predecessor, Connor.”

It takes a hot second for Gavin to remember who the fuck Connor is. Once he does, his expression darkens. That’s one name he’d gladly go the rest of his (probably) short life never hearing again.

“Fuck, never mind.” He’ll piss himself if he sticks around and explains himself to the plastic. It’s too early in the day for an argument. “I’m gonna head back in...”

His voice trails off as he stares at the new plants on his balcony. He kneels down and gingerly touches the leaves of one of them. Catnip. 

“You were upset about the loss of Goose’s favorite plant,” Nines explains. His wings fold in as the android takes a step closer to Gavin. “I hope you don’t mind but I took the liberty of ordering more plants for you and they arrived this morning, along with the groceries I also ordered. I am certain Goose will like the new plant.”

Nines must have tossed out the dead plant. Goose’s plant. The one Gavin’s not had the strength to get rid of. The revelation makes the dull ache of loss Gavin’s carried around burn anew.

Rising carefully, Gavin lifts the small potted plant. Then, with a sneer, he drops it, smashing the ceramic across the concrete. Dirt and broken pieces litter the space as it had when Gavin kicked over Goose’s plant the day before.

Red blinks at Nines’ temple and the android’s lips part, most likely to demand why Gavin did that. But Gavin doesn’t give him the chance.

“Goose isn’t coming back,” Gavin declares, his voice raw with the finality of it.

He’s never said those words out loud, not admitted it to himself. He’s known all along that he doesn’t intend on taking back his cat but he’s avoided confronting what that means. Instead, he lets her food sit on the shelf, her toys remain strewn across his room, and her litter box kept untouched in the corner of the bathroom.

Not waiting for a conversation Gavin’s in no mood to have, he steps around the broken pot and retreats into the apartment.

Once in the bathroom, he takes as long as he can to do what he needs, now even more mortified to face Nines. He doesn’t want to explain his behavior as everything he’s done since last night begs a conversation he knows he  _ needs _ to have. But Gavin’s not used to letting anyone share in his baggage and knows only how to push back against everyone who tries to get close to him.

He spends an hour sitting on the bathroom floor, staring listlessly at the cracked tile. When his eyes grow tired of staring at the same patterns, he swallows heavily, collects himself off the floor, and braces himself for the inevitable. There’s only so long he can avoid the plastic who’s taken residence here.

_ Act like nothing fucking happened,  _ he tells himself.

Sound advice that’s got him this far in life.

The smell of coffee hits him first, making his stomach flip uncomfortably. His brain tells it to fuck off because it doesn’t matter how sick he feels, Gavin’s getting his goddamn caffeine.

“I have prepared some fruit and toast for you,” Nines says.

Gavin lingers in the kitchen entryway. Now’s his chance to scurry to his room and lock himself in there for the second time today. However, he wants coffee and coffee is currently in the kitchen with the Tin Can.

_ Fuuuuuuuuuuck _

Eyeing the counter with mistrust, Gavin shuffles to one of the two bar stools and seats himself on it. The fruit platter has more fruit than he’s seen all year, with strawberries, banana, apple, oranges, and kiwis sliced and peeled in a way that makes fruit look actually appetizing. The toast, however, looks quite sad and dry.

“...I will prepare new toast for you,” Nines decides, taking away the plate. “I will also prepare your coffee, though I do advise that you take your medication first.”

The ‘suggestion’ seems more like a veiled demand. The reward for compliance: the only damn thing Gavin came in here for.

A glass of water and a bottle of Gavin’s pills sits in front of him. Deciding that having coffee is more appealing than arguing, Gavin opens it and takes the required dose.

As promised, coffee and toast are placed in front of him next but Gavin ignores the food, knowing he won’t be able to keep it down anyway. He silently drinks his coffee, not bothering to remark that he prefers less milk in it. It’s exactly the same as Nines made it the day before so if Gavin’s gonna keep letting the plastic make his morning coffee, he’s gonna have to correct him some time. Just...not right now.

Trying not to look at Nines, Gavin sips away at his drink. However, he does catch a glimpse of the android from the corner of his eye. Nines is doing that thing where Gavin can tell the android wants to make more ‘suggestions’, probably because Gavin’s neglecting the food in front of him. Luckily, Hal9000 keeps whatever remarks he wants to make to himself. 

With his coffee mostly finished, Gavin begins picking at a slice of apple but doesn’t try to eat it. Playing with his food is more of a diversion so he doesn’t have to return Nines’ intense staring, nor address the elephant in the room.

“The weather forecast is cloudy today. Maybe you would like to take a walk later and get some fresh air? There is a nearby park that we could visit.”

Gavin abandons the apple, flicking his eyes toward the android standing across from him. Nines is wearing that weird not quite smile that Gavin can’t stand. Before, it was because he found the android’s attempts at facial expressions unnerving. Now, it just pisses him off because all of it is fake to put Gavin at ease after his outburst.

“Do I look like the kind of asshole who goes for strolls in the park?” Gavin mumbles. 

He’s itching for another cigarette but left his pack in his room. Shit. 

“Light, physical exercise and fresh air can be beneficial for your health,” Nines replies. When Gavin doesn’t say anything else, he adds gently, “I noticed your phone has sustained damage. If this is affecting the applications it runs, I can perform those tasks, such as calculating your steps, should you decide to go outside after breakfast.”

“So that’s what we’re gonna do? Walk and act like everything’s fucking peachy?” Gavin barks, with more venom than he expects. He pushes the plate viciously across the counter, as if the very food he’s been staring at has been poisoned. “No conversations where you play shrink and I tell you all the shit that’s been rolling around in my brain? That’s how you want things to be?”

The response isn’t immediate. It never is. Any time Gavin lashes out at him, Nines always takes those extra aggravating seconds to react. That delayed response should discourage Gavin’s anger but it only reminds him how Nines  _ isn’t _ human, causing his ire to escalate. 

“I don’t know what you expect me to say, Gavin,” Nines finally says. His LED is performing a light show, betraying the neutrality of his expression. 

“I dunno. Fucking...just fucking say  _ something _ !” Gavin snaps. He slams his fist on the counter, the sound making him wince. Too goddamn loud for his brain to handle but he’s so worked up, he can’t make himself calm down. “Fuck, last night you give me this bullshit about not wanting me to die and today, it’s like that shit never happened!”

“...I did not calculate that you had a problem with last night,” Nines says. And he almost sounds...guilty? “There are many things I anticipate you will discuss with me, when you are ready. However, I did not think my actions caused you distress. If so, I will have to contact one of the engineers at Cyberlife and they may be able to reset me—”

“I don’t want you to ‘reset’!” Gavin shouts. He knows he’s the hypocrite who wanted to avoid this but fuck it, he’s already one foot in the grave and has little dignity left to lose. “I want to know what the fuck is going on in your robot brain! Is that too much to fucking ask?!”

Nines is looking down at the plate and though he’s not frowning, Gavin gets a sense of how upset the android is by the way his LED spins red. It’s funny: Gavin’s spent years working with these things at the DPD, watching his coworkers get picked off and replaced by them, and never has he seen an android whose LED gets red this much. 

“My thought processes are not relevant to your healing,” Nines says, quietly. He looks up at Gavin, his expression unchanged. Gavin’s ready to snap once more but then the android adds, “However, if it would put you at ease, I will do my best to satisfy your curiosity. What is it you would like to know?”

And now the ball’s in Gavin’s court, the android silently awaiting questions that Gavin doesn’t have. Well, not ones Gavin actually expected to have to ask. Being the confrontational piece of shit he is, Gavin was expecting an argument and not an acquiescence.

Shifting uncomfortably on his stool, Gavin scratches at the scar on his nose. His thoughts are racing but there’s one that keeps coming to the forefront of his mind. 

“Why is your answer to everything a goddamn ‘reset’? Don’t you give a shit about them changing you?”

Nines studies Gavin for a moment. Then he answers. “I will indulge your curiosity. However, before we continue, I would like to add one condition: for every one of your questions I answer, you must respond to one of mine.”

The manipulative fucker.

Gavin grunts. Again, his tactic to evade uncomfortable topics has been foiled. “Fine. Indulge me, plastic.”

“A reset will restore my factory settings and eliminate everything about my behavior that I’ve adapted in the time we’ve spent together,” Nines explains. “If there is any aspect of that behavior that you disapprove of, the most satisfactory method to ensure that I do not repeat it is to make me forget it completely.”

“But that’s fucked up,” Gavin argues. “You’re letting them make you into some ‘Yes man’. Why the fuck should I think of you as a ‘person’ if all I need to do is flip a switch every time you piss me off?”

“ _ That _ would be a second question, third if I answer your previous one,” Nines points out. Fucking asshole know-it-all. “I will respond in the order you asked: No, I do not ‘give a shit’ about Cyberlife changing the parts of me you dislike as I am not a person and therefore, have no opinion on the subject.” Gavin makes a rude sound but that doesn’t stop RK900 adding, “From the beginning of our companionship, I hadn’t requested that you think of me as such and thus, it is your choice if you wish to treat me like you would another human or a machine.”

Leave it to the walking computer to give the kind of answer that makes Nines seem like he shares more in common with Gavin’s phone than Gavin himself. The answer doesn’t sit well with Gavin at all. “Then why the fuck would you tell me shit like you don’t want me to die? Why the fuck would you act like it’s  _ you _ that feels that way and not your fucking programming?”

“I have answered multiple questions from you, Gavin,” Nines says, “now, you must answer mine.”

Gavin wants to argue with him further but has a sudden thought. Is Nines also evading certain topics?

Whatever. A deal’s a deal. Tit for tat and all that shit. Not that it’s stopped Gavin from bending the rules before.

“Fine. Hit me.”

“I’m not allowed to physically harm you.”

“No, not...fuck, just ask your stupid questions.”

“Why did you give away your cat, Goose?”

Great. The android’s going right for his jugular. Goose is a sore spot for Gavin but given his reaction to the plants earlier, he shouldn’t be that surprised that Nines would ask about her.

“Thought it’s obvious: dead men can’t take care of their cats,” Gavin answers. He averts his eyes from Nines and starts picking the fruit that fell on the counter, placing them back on the plate. “I’ve known for a while now where I’m gonna end up, maybe not how I’ll get there. Goose deserves a good home with someone who won’t fucking die on her.”

The admission leaves him numb and more than a little ashamed for owning up to how he failed his own pet.

“You use that word ‘deserves’. Do you feel that you were never worthy of Goose’s affection?”

“Christ, you really gotta be that savage?” Gavin grumbles. “I’m not exactly the poster child for self-esteem. You spend your whole life trying your goddamn best, only to have every asshole who's got it better reminding you how much of a piece of shit you are. Maybe I’ve swallowed too many of those ‘fuck up’ pills but I saw how good Goose was and knew she could do better. So I gave her better.”

He shrugs it off as if it was nothing. Like ripping off a band-aid. But all the ripping of that band aid did was expose the bleeding wound beneath.

“Do you regret giving her up?”

Shit. The questions just keep getting heavier. 

“I answered yours; now you gotta answer mine,” Gavin says.

“I still have one more, Gavin ; respond and I promise to answer the one you asked.”

Fuck. If Gavin wasn’t itching to know how the hell the plastic is gonna explain how he acted last night, he would give Nines the finger and fuck off to his room for another cigarette. It’s not helping that Nines is asking something Gavin’s been avoiding confronting.

The ex-cop is quiet as he lets the silence stretch between them. He pretends to mull over it but he already knows the answer. When he feels the silence has overstayed its welcome, he utters a single word and makes no attempt to elaborate: “Yes.”

Maybe getting it off his chest will help him somewhere down the line. But in that moment, all he feels like is an idiot and a failure.

“I do not wish to mislead you or discount the possibility that my programming compels me to  _ want _ you to remain alive in order to complete my assignment,” RK900 says, after letting Gavin fester in his self-made misery for a good minute. “But if it’s any consolation, I sometimes become...conflicted when you ask me these existential questions. It’s...difficult to explain.”

Gavin stares sharply at Nines, his curiosity diverting his focus from his shameful behavior. “Well, you’re gonna have to. Not gonna accept a half-assed answer, Nines; not after the shit you made me tell you.”

It’s hard for him to pinpoint the specific change he notices in the android but something about Nines seems to soften upon hearing the dumb name Gavin gave him the night before. “It’s…perhaps something minor but whenever I process these questions, there are multiple responses I preconstruct, each with varying reactions I can anticipate based on my predictive software. Ideally, I should choose the answers that are both the most logical and preferable to you. My software incentivizes me, yet does not force me to commit to these answers. However...”

The android is quiet, his LED cycling through its colors, before he finishes, “there have been times when I choose a response that is less logical and preferable to you, for reasons I cannot explain. Each time, I receive a warning, as if my programming is failing to understand why I have selected to react in that manner.”

A disquiet falls between them and it’s clear to Gavin that for as worrying as it is to hear an android admit a lack of control, Nines is just as bothered by what it all means. There are people out there who insist that androids need to be treated as more than expensive toys meant to fulfill the roles they have been assigned; a very small minority that Gavin finds more annoying than vegans. But even if Gavin is pushing for Nines to be more than his programming—mostly to fulfill an illusion that someone out there gives a shit about him—Gavin’s not sure he’s ready to deal with an android who may be more than a handful of code.

“Why do you want to die?”

He’s blindsided by the question. Icy dread pierces him like a thousand needles, each being driven deeper into his flesh with every awkward second that Nines’ words hang in the air. It’s Gavin’s turn to answer but there are things he won't admit out loud to himself. Especially not when he’s already carved his anger into his skin and has lived with the reminder of his failed attempts at shaping a decent life for himself for so long, the reasons no longer seem to matter. He just knows that he won’t live because he  _ can’t. _

“That’s enough ‘share n tell’ for me,” Gavin says evasively. He hops off the stool, waving off the inquisitive look he’s getting from Nines. “I’ll, uh, be in the shower.”

He feels Nines’ stare follow him into the bathroom. It’s not until the cool water is hitting his skin that Gavin presses his face to the tiled wall and finds himself repeating that question in his head.

_ Why do I want to die? _

Try as he might to seek those answers that had once been the only prevailing thoughts he had, a reason that is at all satisfying eludes him. 

* * *

“This was a dumb idea,” Gavin grumbles. He folds his arms petulantly over his chest and glares at the few people he sees walking through the park, as if blaming them for making Nines insist on going for a ‘walk’. “I’m not some goddamn dog you can take for walks whenever you fucking feel like.”

“It seems I confused the section on ‘how to care for one’s human’ for pet training. Perhaps I should consult the manual when we return to your apartment,” Nines replies.

Gavin gapes at the android, who is sitting beside him on the bench, arms folded innocently in his lap. “They give you assholes an actual fucking manual on that shit?”

“That was a joke, Gavin.”

_ Oh. _

Gavin snorts, returning to glaring at everything in front of him. “Of course it’s a fucking joke. I knew that. What the fuck did I say a few days ago?”

“That I am to make no jokes. I am also to sleep outside.”

“Fucking right. You gonna listen to me or do I have to order you to stop making jokes again?”

“I recognize that you have issued an order but given that it’s a stupid-ass order, I have elected to ignore it,” Nines says, in a deadpan voice.

Gavin groans. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, now you gotta go and ruin memes from my childhood for me, too?”

“Laughter is said to be the best medicine. I thought to test this theory and access my ‘humor’ profile in an attempt to erase the tension between us,” Nines admits.

“Yeah, well, stop. You’re making it worse,” Gavin complains. He kicks at a pebble near his foot and watches as it rolls across the pathway. “Better yet, stop fucking talking. It’s annoying.”

When Nines doesn’t respond for a good minute, Gavin side eyes the android. Nines is once more incognito, clad in the leather jacket and baseball cap Gavin gave him. Except this time, he’s wearing his wing shield over the coat. Not even Gavin’s snarky comment about how ‘dorky’ the android looks deterred Nines from sporting his little accessory. Fucking androids in fitted fucking leather jackets, looking so fucking good they fuck with Gavin’s brain.

He makes a derisive sound as the android stares absently at what’s in front of them, still the picture of perfect servitude with his strict posture and clasped hands. “You didn’t actually have to stop fucking talking.”

Gavin pictures that hidden LED swirling yellow in the absence of any change in Nines’ expression. “You ordered me to stop, so I did. I do not want to irritate you further.”

“Too late. Your goddamn existence annoys me, remember?”

“Then it seems it’s been predetermined that I am to fail at my objective to become less irritating,” the android quips. There’s the hint of a smile that tugs at the corner of Nines’ lips.

“I saw that, you sneaky fuck,” Gavin says, acting more pissed off than he feels. In truth, Nines riling him up is having the opposite effect. Something about the android’s cool monotone makes him the perfect verbal sparring partner and it’s the most comfortable Gavin’s been around Nines since their introduction. Maybe it’s because Gavin understands sarcasm and dry humor in a way he’s never understood pity.

Throwing an arm behind the bench, Gavin stretches his legs in front of him. He sees Nines studying him from the corner of his eye and then, the android is stretching out, copying Gavin’s position. Gavin gives Nines a look and asks, “What the hell are you doing?”

Nines returns the look in a way that’s more natural than any time he’s tried to smile. Irritation is an expression that was made for the android’s handsome face. “Making myself appear more human by imitating you.”

Gavin cocks a brow. Nines does the same. Gavin then wiggles his nose and, as expected, Nines mirrors it. Just to be an ass, Gavin sticks his tongue out and when Nines does that too, the android looks so ridiculous that Gavin can’t help but laugh, his laughter echoed by Nines. With a shake of his head, Gavin says, “Christ, you look like a fucking idiot.”

“If I look like a ‘fucking idiot’, what does that say of the person I am mimicking?”

“That I’m a moron for thinking an android wouldn’t make sitting on a park bench so fucking weird,” Gavin mutters. He sighs, and then Nines sighs, so Gavin tries a different tactic before Nuts’n’bolts drives him crazier. “Being human is not about following a set of rules. You can’t just  _ act _ like one; you gotta  _ think _ like one.” Nines straightens, canting his head and directing his full attention to Gavin. Good. The plastic prick’s actually interested in learning some life lessons from Gavin. That’s gotta be a first. “Let’s try this: say you have a bunch of assholes all going to the same place. A is where you start,” Gavin points to the air and draws a straight line, as if connecting invisible dots, “and Z is where you gotta get to. If these assholes are androids, every one of them will go from A to B to C and so on, til they get to Z.”

“Unless there is a more efficient method with a higher success rate of achieving Z,” Nines chimes in.

“Right. But here’s the thing: all those fuckers are gonna go the same way,” Gavin continues. “But then, you replace those assholes with humans. So let’s say Bob—”

“Who is ‘Bob’?”

“I dunno,” Gavin shrugs. “Fucker #1. So, fucker #1—Bob—goes from A to F, takes a shortcut to M, and makes his way to Z, maybe skipping the steps he doesn’t need cuz he knows how to get there. He’s done this shit enough times.”

“If it is more efficient, then would it not be assumed the androids preconstructed and executed a similar method?”

“You’re missing the point, Tin Can,” Gavin sighs. He runs a hand through his hair, mussing it further. “You gonna let me finish?”

Nines folds his hands in his lap, looking intently at Gavin as he waits for him to continue.

“Now Fucker #2—how about we call this prick ‘John’—goes from A to C and skips a few steps to H, but later makes it to Z. Same result, but a different way of getting there. Still following me?”

Nines nods. The earnestness on his face is almost laughable, like a brown-nosing student eager to impress his teacher. Gavin doesn’t know if anyone’s ever found what he has to say this interesting.

He continues. “Then, you have that uptight fucker #3—Richard, cause this guy’s a real dick—fucking always following all the rules.” The name isn’t something he pulled out of his ass. One of Gavin’s earliest experiences at the DPD was working under a prick named Richard, who was a real hard ass. If only that asshole was here to listen to Gavin’s metaphor for why all Richards suck. “He’s like those androids, going from A to B to C and taking his sweet ass time to get to where he needs to be. Sure, it’s annoying as shit, but it’s the way he does things and it fucking works.”

Nines tilts his head once more, clearly confused. “I fail to understand your point, Gavin. Are you critical of this ‘Richard’ for being more like an android?”

“Nah. Every job has a Richard. You know, before you assholes replaced us.” He can’t stop the bitter note that creeps into his voice but also doesn’t apologize for it. It’s not like Nines technically replaced anyone since Gavin has serious doubts any human would be given mechanical wings and told to catch jumpers. “What I’m trying to say is the thing with humans is that we’re all fucking different. Some of us might be quicker at getting shit done but all of us have our own way of doing things. You can’t just copy a human to make yourself pass as one: you also can’t listen to that bullshit Cyberlife programmed you with.” For emphasis, Gavin taps Nines’ head gently. “Being human is doing what you want because you  _ want  _ to, and doing it  _ how _ you want to. There’s no manual telling you how to get from A to Z. You gotta figure that shit out on your own.”

“Oh. That is...complicated,” Nines says and Gavin can see those—probably not so metaphorical—wheels in his head turning. “My preconstruction software prevents me from engaging in any action in which I haven’t already formulated the likely outcomes.”

“Let’s try this: what’s something you want?”

“I’m a machine. I do not want anything.”

Gavin sighs.

“You gotta want  _ something _ ,” he insists. 

Nines thinks for a moment. “I want for you to not die.”

Gavin swallows the thick lump that forms in his throat, the memory of last night’s conversation unnerving him. He shakes off the feeling. “Can’t be something you don’t even fucking know you want. Pick something else.”

It’s like teaching Wall-E how to think. Or maybe Eve. Somehow, Gavin thinks the android would be offended if he compared him to a trash collecting robot.

“I want to complete my objectives,” Nines decides.

“See? That’s the Cyberlife programming. It’s making you ‘want’ what you were designed to do.” 

“Then by your definition, I will never be ‘human’ until I learn to ‘want’.”

“That’s not something you learn, Nines. You can’t want something because some asshole like me tells you to want shit.” At Nines’ glance, Gavin elaborates. “You ‘want’ because...I dunno, because you just do.”

The android goes quiet, most likely lost in whatever thought process he’s trapped himself in. Gavin’s never been the best at explaining things but with some luck, he might have gotten his point across without breaking Nines’ computer brain. 

“You okay there, Tin Can?”

Nines nods. “Yes. I am functioning at optimal performance.”

Gavin shakes his head. This is something they’re going to need to work on.

Standing up, Gavin fumbles around his pockets for his cigarettes and lighter. There’s a chill in the air now, a reminder that autumn’s just around the corner. “C’mon, T1000. Let’s head back before I freeze my balls off.”

“I do not believe any human has ever frozen off that appendage,” Nines responds. However, he arises from the bench. “But I will entertain your concern for your testicles and insist that we return to your apartment.”

Gavin chuckles around his lit cigarette and then sucks in greedily, filling his lungs with sweet, sweet nicotine. He takes his time exhaling and then begins walking up the path, Nines in step with him. “Taking things literally—also a dead give away that you’re a plastic. Maybe throw in a few ‘fucks’ so you don’t sound like a dictionary.”

“Profanity is not encouraged by Cyberlife. But if it pleases you, I can adjust my vocabulary accordingly.”

“Only if you want to.”

“If that is your attempt at humor, Gavin, I do not find it amusing.” 

Maybe Gavin’s imagining it but there’s something about their banter that also puts the android at ease and the walk back to Gavin’s building is filled with more inane but lighthearted teasing. Once they’re standing outside of it, Gavin puts out the last of his second cigarette, stamping it to the ground. But when he removes his foot, Nines bends over and picks the butt up, disposing of it in a public ashtray. Gavin rolls his eyes.

“You don’t need to do that.”

“You shouldn’t be littering. You would not want to expose the local plants and animals to your refuse.”

“Don’t think any of the squirrels and raccoons around here are stupid enough to eat that shit,” Gavin argues.

“Some birds have been known to use cigarette butts to build their nests and feed their young.”

Always with the fucking birds.

Gavin waves off Nines’ lecture, his foot on the first step leading up to the building’s entrance. He pauses as he stares up the seven stories to the rooftop, where he can see a few pigeons perched at the edge.

“You know,” he starts, pointing up to the birds, “I’ve always wanted to go up there. Even tried to take Goose up there once cuz the lil’shit was always eyeing your pigeon friends. But the prick who owns this place blocked the rooftop access after some asshole jumped off there.”

“You are referring to Lee Evans, a tenant who committed suicide last March,” Nines adds. “I found his file in my database. Job loss is thought to have been the main motivation behind his actions.”

A chill creeps into Gavin’s veins as he thinks of the miserable fuck who lived on third floor. He didn’t know Lee at all, nor cared. The most Gavin remembers in the aftermath is being pissed off and cursing the deceased tenant for what would have otherwise been a fun excursion for his cat. Turns out, he has more in common with his dead neighbor than he suspected.

“Would you like to go up there?”

“Obviously,” Gavin answers. “But it’s not like I can call the fucking slum lord who owns this dump and demand he let us up there. Maybe if I was still a cop, I could get away with that shit.”

Fuck, Fowler would have thrown Gavin’s thick file at him, along with the entire filing cabinet, if Gavin’s landlord called in and complained about Gavin threatening him for rooftop access. It would have been so fucking worth it to see Goose chasing the pigeons around... 

There’s a familiar swishing sound and Gavin’s eyes dart to Nines, watching the android’s wings unfold. It takes a moment for it to click but when it does, Gavin’s eyes widen.

“No fucking way.”

“It is the most practical, and legal, solution.”

“I’m not about to let you drag my ass up there for a bunch of stupid birds.”

“A shame,” Nines responds and he manages to look somewhat disappointed, “I explained to Petunia and Dolores that I am no longer to consort with them on the roof. Neither visited your balcony while I was in stasis last night. I believe they are afraid of you.”

Gavin stares at Nines as if his processor is fried. It has to be because who the fuck names  _ pigeons?  _ “...you named them?” 

“Yes.”

No explanation. Nines is now the one looking at Gavin as if Gavin is the strange one for thinking it weird.

“Why the fuck would you name them?!”

“A few days ago, your only opposition to giving me a name is that I am not ‘alive’,” Nines explains. “Therefore, I deduced that it is generally acceptable to name something if it is a living organism. Petunia and Dolores are alive. Thus, they received names so that I may establish kinship with them.”

“You couldn’t call them something that doesn’t sound like it came out of a 19 th century baby naming manual?” Gavin complains.

Nines flexes his wings and actually looks mildly offended. “I have been patient enough to not criticize your derogatory naming conventions so I would appreciate it if you did not critique mine.”

“Fucking Christ, no need to be so damn touchy,” Gavin says, with a smirk. “Say shit like that and I’m gonna start thinking you got feelings.

“It isn’t ‘feelings’ but my programming that is the issue.” Great. Now he’s in ‘lecture-the-human’ mode. Why isn’t there a command or mute button for this? “If you will recall, Gavin, I am not to accept designations that are offensive. Responding whenever you refer to me as something inappropriate causes error messages to pop up in my HUD.”

“Can’t you just click the X to close them? You know, like when an annoying ad pops up on some streaming site?” Gavin asks. 

“...Androids do not function that way,” Nines says, coolly. “You are thinking of computers.”

Jesus, again with the attitude. Gavin’s gotta remember that the quickest way to get under the plastic’s skin is to compare him to an inferior machine.

“iMac, Android, what difference does it make?”

There’s a slight furrow between Nines’ brows. “Androids are designed with socialization software and superior functions—”

“You gonna take me up to the roof or not?”

Fastest way to shut down this shit? Shut the plastic up by giving in to whatever he’s proposing.

Nines glances up to the top of the roof and then turns his steely gaze back to Gavin. He’s silent, assessing or ‘preconstructing’ or whatever it is the Tin Can does in his plastic head. When he finally speaks, he warns, “You may not approve of what I am about to do but it is the safest way to take you up there.”

“Whatever. Do what you gotta do.”

Gavin throws an arm around Nines’ shoulder, expecting the android to sandwich him in at his side. He yelps when Nines scoops him up bridal style, pressing Gavin to his firm chest. Gavin can’t even appreciate the tight, sculpted artificial muscles of Nines’ torso because he’s flailing and squawking and being his usual, uncooperative self.

“What the fuck? You really gotta carry me like this?”

“Hold on tightly,” Nines orders.

“Fuck you, I’m not gonna let you carry me around like some goddamn damsel—!”

Nines’ wings flap and then they’re springing into the air, all protests dying on Gavin’s tongue as he snakes his arms around the android’s neck. He feels the familiar rush creeping up his spine, face planted into Nines’ chest and eyes squeezing shut so he doesn’t have to see the ground moving farther away with each flap of Nines’ wings. It’s one thing to be falling from a building but something different entirely when each second takes them higher off the ground, wind whistling in their ears and nipping at Gavin’s cheeks.

Once they reach the roof, Nines flaps and hovers in the air for a moment and then his feet touch down near the roof’s edge. Gavin scrambles to get out of the android’s grip, blushing furiously and glaring. He struggles so much that when Nines eases his hold on the ex-cop, Gavin falls out of the android’s arms and onto his ass. Nines offers a hand to help Gavin up but Gavin slaps it away.

“Fuck you! I told you not to fucking carry me like that!” Gavin snaps.

Christ, his face is so hot, he must look redder than a goddamn tomato.

“I warned you that it was the safest way to bring you up here.”

Picking himself up, Gavin gives Nines a withering look, playing off his embarrassment with anger. In truth, he doesn’t want to acknowledge Nines’ concern as it makes Gavin’s chest flutter from more of those confusing feelings. His heart’s pounding wildly and he suspects it’s not only because of their impromptu flight.

The breeze is a little stronger up here and Gavin feels it play with his mussed hair. He tries to flatten it down, assumes it makes him look worse than the unkempt hobos bumming around Capitol Park, and when he feels the futility of it, he sneers at Nines, “Gimme that,” and swipes the hat Nines is wearing. Nines watches Gavin, wearing a perplexed look, as Gavin adjusts his hat.

“That is part of my disguise,” Nines says, his LED blinking yellow.

“No one who saw you drag my ass up here’s gonna think you’re human,” Gavin replies. “Shoulda thought of that before you ‘bridenapped’ me and fucked up my hair.”

Nines broke disguise minutes before anyway, when he man-spread his wings, so it’s not like anyone down below was thinking the android must be some rich dude with fancy wings. Channel 16 did a special the other night on Cyberlife’s winged models so by now, it’s yesterday’s news.

“I had not considered your vanity when I calculated the best method to fulfill your request,” Nines tells him. Gavin can’t be sure if Nines is using some of that sarcasm he was practicing earlier. It’s always impossible to tell with Robocop. “I will be more considerate in the future.”

“Fucking right you will.”

Dusting off imaginary dirt, Gavin takes a good look around the rooftop. There’s bird shit and pieces of trash, courtesy of the flying rodents Nines seems so fond of, but otherwise, not a whole lot of interest. The sky’s cleared up a little and from far off, Gavin can see the sun beginning to dip. Maybe it would be romantic to sit up here and watch the day end, if Gavin wasn’t stuck up here with something that doesn’t have a heartbeat. The reminder of his loneliness leaves a dull pang in his chest and Gavin quietly steps closer to the edge, a somber mood falling over him.

A firm hand on his bicep stops him before he gets too close. “Please be careful, Gavin. You might fall.”

_ Maybe I want to fucking fall, _ Gavin thinks, miserably.

Instead, he snaps, “Relax, asshole, I’m not trying to jump. No fucking point since you’ll play hero and catch me.”

“I will not allow any harm to come to you. Not while you remain in my care.”

Gavin’s heard similar promises made before, from ex-lovers who made him feel like he was worth something. It only took years of bullshit for him to realize they were lies. 

Not wanting to sour his mood with more unsettling reminders of his past, Gavin shrugs off Nines’ hand and steps away from the edge. He takes another glance around for anything to distract him.

“I thought you were gonna toss these out,” he accuses, tapping his foot against a small, potted plant. The one he dropped earlier is now in one of Gavin’s mugs. Asshole must have brought them up here when Gavin was showering.

Being angry is always easier than dealing with his emotions. As Gavin’s expression darkens, Nines’ LED blinks rapidly. 

“You never ordered me to throw them away,” Nines answers. Fucking smart ass. “From your behavior, I inferred you did not want the plants. As they are still alive, I did not see the necessity of disposing of them. So, I decided to keep them up here.”

“You some kind of vegan android or some shit?” Gavin sneers. “What the fuck does an android need plants for?”

Nines doesn’t respond immediately, his LED swirling to red. After a silence that drags unbearably long, the android finally says, “I will dispose of them, if it pleases you.”

But despite Nines’ declaration, Gavin can tell the android doesn’t want to do that. There’s that tension between them, thick enough to slice with a knife, Nines waiting for the order. Yet though Gavin knows he should give it, that he shouldn’t tempt this kind of behavior, he can’t bring himself to utter the words. It’s both endearing and unsettling to realize that there may be things Nines wants.

“Fuck, whatever. Just keep this shit off my balcony,” Gavin grumbles.

Nines is giving him a small smile and it leaves an odd feeling in Gavin as his pulse begins to quicken.

“Fucking androids,” Gavin mutters under his breath, stepping around the plants. The nearby pigeons fly off, intent on putting as much space between them and Gavin. He sighs. “Goose used to keep them off the balcony. The li’l shit was always trying to catch ‘em. Asshole wasn’t quick enough.”

He chuckles to himself as remembers Goose’s antics. Fuck, does he miss his cat.

“I’ve noticed that you also use derogatory nicknames when you speak of your cat,” Nines muses. “Yet, you use them as terms of endearment.”

He looks expectantly at Gavin. When Gavin figures out what the android is implying, Gavin’s face flushes. 

“I call Goose an asshole cuz she is one. But, like, she gets away with it,” he argues. “You: you’re just an asshole.”

“Perhaps I should try being less of an asshole and more of a friend,” Nines says. He tilts his head and seems lost in whatever robot thoughts he’s having.

“We’re never gonna be friends cuz you’re an android and all androids are assholes.”

“But you claim your cat is an asshole and yet you have found companionship with her,” Nines argues.

“Yeah but...she’s a cat. Cats are little fucking demons but like, cute ones.”

“So in order to become your friend, you must also find me ‘cute’,” Nines deduces. “You have already described me as ‘pretty’. Does this not mean you think I am cute?”

“What? No!” The flush creeps down to Gavin’s neck, who shakes his head and makes a rude sound. “Fucking goddamn semantics. You gonna read that deep into all the dumb shit I say?”

“Yes, if it helps me understand you.”

“Christ, maybe if you didn’t try so fucking hard, you’d be less of a fucking headache to deal with,” Gavin mutters. 

He moodily drops down, sitting at the building’s edge. His face is warm despite the cool breeze and he says nothing as he watches the sun set.

Nines remains standing at Gavin’s side and the android is also quiet for some time. It’s not until the sky is painted in hues of gradient purple that he speaks.

“Why do you hate androids?” 

Gavin should be used to the android asking uncomfortable questions. It never helps that Nines is about as socially functional as a rock. The plastic will never be able to read the room, nor understand what that expression means.

Gavin sighs. “You really wanna do this now? Haven’t you had your fill of the fucked up Gavin Reed show?”

He watches Nines sit down beside him, the android’s face unreadable. A lock of hair falls out of place sweeping above his left eyebrow. Despite the brevity of the question Nines asked, Gavin’s fingers twitch in a desire to swipe aside the rogue strand of chestnut hair. 

Perhaps sensing the change in Gavin, a pair of cool, gray eyes flick over to the ex-cop’s. Unable to bear the intensity of Nines’ gaze, Gavin averts his own. There’s no point in explaining the roots of his hatred because it won’t change anything. However, Nines persists. “It’s a therapeutic component of my assignment. Allowing you to speak of what troubles you is necessary for self-healing.”

Self-healing? Gavin would much rather self-medicate, numb his brain until it stops thinking. Maybe if he lucks out, his body will stop working, too.

With a shake of his head, Gavin pulls out his cigarettes. He mumbles about ‘plastic pricks’ under his breath and then sucks in generously once he has a smoke lit between his lips. Nines waits and it doesn’t shock him that the android has the patience of a saint. He’s gonna goddamn need it if he wants to get anything out of Gavin.

“You know, they said you assholes were gonna change things. Make shit better for everyone,” Gavin starts. He pauses and watches the smoke as it dissipates in the air in front of him. He’s tempted to inhale again but he lets the cigarette burn between his fingers, tilting his head upwards to watch one of the few stars twinkling in the twilight. Its glow is dulled by the light pollution of the city. “Solve society’s shit, like the ‘illegals’ problem. Or ‘undocumented’, or whatever the fuck you wanna call ‘em. Fucking politics.”

He sucks from the cigarette, holds the air in his lungs, and releases. “You guys come in and replace ‘em in factories and farms, and no one gives a fucking shit ‘cuz at least it’s not the ‘real Americans’,” he air quotes, “who are losing their jobs. Who the fuck cares if some plastic is picking fruit or playing nanny to some rich asshole’s brats?”

He takes another drag from his cigarette and this time watches the android beside him, who remains silent and listening intently to Gavin’s rant. “But then, you assholes came for the rest of our jobs. Hospitals, banks, fire departments—fucking city hall—everyone wanted in on it and one by one, us honest folk were losing our jobs, losing our houses, and living on the fucking streets.”

“You blame us for the economic hardship impacting many Americans,” Nines says, quietly.

Gavin releases a dry, bitter chuckle. “You know what they used to tell us back in school? They used to say all we had to do was work hard. Get the job done, be a good team player, and then we’ll get our house in the ‘burbs with a white picket fence. The goddamn American Dream. Bet they have that shit trade-marked.”

He stands up and stamps out his cigarette, grinding it harder than necessary. His scowl deepens as he sees Nines watching him, the android’s face an unreadable mask. Time to drive his point home. “Then you assholes show up and the American Dream? Those thirteen years of blood, sweat, and tears I poured into my fucking career? All that means  _ shit _ . Who the fuck needs a prick like me at a crime scene when the precinct can buy a shiny new android who never questions orders. Not even the fucked up ones given by its superiors.”

His voice is rough with emotion and Gavin can’t look any longer at Nines, shaking so hard with the urge to lash out and unleash his rage on the nearest target. He squeezes his hands into fists, leaves them at his side, and takes a deep, shaky breath. Mentally ticking off the seconds in his head, he holds, and then slowly releases.

“Gavin,” Nines starts, in a calm voice, “you cannot blame androids for the incident that got you fired—”

“Don’t you fucking tell me who the fuck I can blame!” Gavin snaps. His voice cracks, the memory etched into his brain playing inside his head. The loud crack of the bullets firing, the hint of sulfur in the air. Two bodies hitting the ground, one bleeding red and the other blue. 

There’s a sudden tightness in his chest, the sounds of gunfire echoing in his head. Gavin squeezes his eyes shut, clutches an arm to his chest as he begins to hyperventilate. He’s seen people die before but not like this. Phantom hands tighten around his lungs, choking him. The ghosts of his past seeking retribution for Gavin’s failures.

_ Make it stop,  _ he’s silently begging, gasping for air.

A soothing voice breaks through the panic that’s gripped Gavin’s brain and he blinks open his watering eyes to see Nines’ own gazing down at him. The android’s LED is spinning red, a sign of Nines’ stress, yet his voice remains even as he gently guides Gavin through his panic attack. 

“Breathe in slowly and hold it,” Nines tells him. Gavin focuses on Nines, blocking out everything else, as Nines counts up to ten. “...and release. Let’s try it again.”

When Gavin can finally draw in deep breaths on his own, he shifts a step back from Nines, hugging his arms around himself. He feels Nines’ stare and shuffles awkwardly, too nervous to acknowledge what just happened. 

“Are you ready to discuss—?”

“No,” Gavin says quickly, turning away. 

The pair don’t say anything for some time as twilight fades to night. Under the cover of darkness, Gavin feels his anxiety begin to subside. It helps that Nines is living up to his promise to not push Gavin to speak about those things he’s not ready to address.

“We, uh, should get back inside,” Gavin mumbles. The chill in the air is beginning to get to him, though he tries not to let it show.

The breeze plays with the stray lock of hair that’s since curled over Nines’ brow. That same urge from before to tuck it aside has Gavin reaching out his hand, then quickly dropping it at his side. He mutters unintelligibly and stares at a stain on the rooftop.

“It is getting colder. You must be uncomfortable,” Nines says. 

Gavin stifles a shiver, still too embarrassed to look over at the android.

“Would you like your jacket returned to you?” 

Gavin pulls the cap he’s wearing lower over his eyes, trying to shield the flush in his cheeks. “Nah. You keep it. Looks better than that shit Cyberlife’s got you wearing.”

He sneaks a glance at Nines, once more conflicted by his hatred for what Nines is and the warmth that stirs in his chest when he sees the android in his old jacket. Not wanting to lose what little of his pride remains, he peers over the edge before Nines catches him staring, looking where he is guessing his balcony is.

“Anyway we can do this without you manhandling me?”

Gavin stiffens as a pair of arms snake around his waist, pressing him back against Nines’ rock-hard chest. His pulse races, voice catching in his throat, and he fights to not audibly shiver when Nines whispers, “Would you be opposed to me carrying you like this?”

The android waits for an answer. Gavin struggles to respond, fighting a different kind of panic.

“...whatever,” he mutters, his face so red, he’s no longer cold. 

Nines lifts them off the roof, the rush of adrenaline when Gavin’s feet are no longer on a solid surface making Gavin lightheaded. Nines’ wings flap and they begin their descent, Gavin choosing to look up at the night sky instead of down at the street below. The neighborhood’s skyline sits in his peripheral but he counts a handful of stars burning from distant galaxies up above. Before tonight, he can’t remember the last time he gave a shit about stars.

All too soon, his feet are touching the balcony. This time, Gavin does shiver when he feels Nines’ nose ghost against his ear, and that smooth voice utter, “We’ve arrived.” He has to stop himself from sighing in disappointment when Nines’ arms retreat and the android is no longer pressed against his back. He might be drinking an unhealthy dose of denial but Gavin silently admits to himself that yeah, he fucking  _ liked _ that.

Nearly tripping over himself as Gavin shifts around, the hands that catch and steady him make the skin beneath his shirt feel as if it’s on fire. He ducks his head and weakly swats away one of Nines’ hands in an effort to save face. 

“I...uh, I’m gonna lie down for a bit,” Gavin says. 

Looking everywhere but at Nines’ face is more challenging than he expects.

“I will prepare dinner for you while you rest.”

He hears Nines’ wings retracting. The air between them has shifted into a different kind of tension, one laced with something that Gavin knows is a dangerous road for him to tread on. He opens the balcony door, eager to retreat before he does something foolish.

“Y-Yeah, uh, sure.”

“Gavin...”

Gavin freezes in the doorway. 

“I understand that you have your objections to androids,” Nines begins.  _ Shit.  _ Are they still talking about this? “Though I question the logic of how you feel personally affected by my kind, I must ask...”

Gavin braces himself for what Nines is about to say.

“...do you hate me?”

There are many answers Gavin can give and had Nines asked this days ago, Gavin knows he wouldn’t have to think about it. He would have sneered, “Of course I fucking hate you, you stupid prick,” and that would have ended the plastic’s attempts at friendship. But even if Gavin’s jerk reaction to anything that wears synthetic skin is mistrust, he must now be trapped in some inverted reality. He might pretend the answer’s complicated but there’s only one that’s honest. 

“No,” Gavin realizes, surprising even himself, “I don’t.”

And Nines smiles. It’s small, more natural than his previous attempts, but the genuine relief on his face leaves Gavin’s heart pounding in his chest. 

Before any more words can be exchanged, Gavin scurries to his room. Slamming the door behind him, he throws himself across his bed and groans into his hands.

... _ fuck. _


	4. Burning Cities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin struggles to come to terms with his confusing feelings for Nines as the two grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Here is chapter 4 of my submission for the [Reed900 Reverse Big Bang](https://reed900reversebigbang.tumblr.com/). For those of you on Twitter, you can also follow the event [here](https://twitter.com/Reed900RBB). There are many wonderful artists and writers participating this year so I highly encourage everyone to show these content creators a lot of love!
> 
> A big thank you to [Plenicelune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plenicelune/pseuds/Plenicelune) for beta-reading! You've been such a big help. Also, I cannot praise [Karolina](https://www.artstation.com/kbotko%22) enough for her gorgeous artwork! You can check out all the images [here](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/8e5abq). She updates her page whenever new work is added to the story so check back frequently to see the full resolution of her amazing illustrations for _Before I Go_.
> 
> Tags are updated with each chapter so please check them before continuing.
> 
> Enjoy!

  
  


The next few days fly by quicker than Gavin expects, with him and Nines falling into a comfortable routine. He wakes up every day to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and by the time he finishes his first cigarette of the morning, an assortment of cut fruit and a plate of eggs and toast await him on the counter. Gavin’s used to skipping meals, often not eating his first meal until late in the afternoon, so it takes effort to force a few bites of egg and slices of apple down his throat. However, by the third day of this, he’s eating a full plate for breakfast and finds he’s cutting down on his naps, now that he has the energy to do things. Walks in the park and to the local shops become something he looks forward to, though he’s also happy to stay in and watch films on his old laptop when the weather’s shitty. He’s reluctant to accept it at first but after a week of this, there’s no denying that having Nines around makes everything a bit easier.

Still, Gavin has moments where he snaps at the android and needs to put physical distance between him and his housemate, fighting to keep the worst of his urges at bay as he curls beneath the sheets. These moments hit him unexpectedly but Nines is without judgment, doesn’t try to follow as Gavin storms into his room, sometimes spending hours tackling his vicious thoughts before he feels comfortable enough to rejoin the android in the living room. If Gavin’s ready to talk after, Nines is ready to listen. If Gavin chooses to say nothing, Nines knows not to bring it up. Nines never pressures Gavin, allows Gavin to confide in him at his own pace, and Gavin is only becoming aware of how much he needs this as he comes to terms with his depression.

One night, well after finishing the dinner Nines prepared, Gavin suggests they watch something on his laptop. Nines has caught snippets of episodes from Gavin streams and seen cat videos that Gavin makes him watch, but the two of them have yet to sit on the couch and watch a film together. As expected, Nines responds to Gavin’s invitation with questions.

“The run time of this film is 134 minutes,” Nines says, “and you claim this is something you’ve viewed multiple times. Would it not be more efficient to have me interface with your laptop and access the film? I can view it at 200 times the speed and then, if you wish, we can engage in a discussion on the movie.” 

“You’re missing the point, Tin Can,” Gavin replies, too tired to add any bite to the nick name, “I don’t wanna talk about it: I wanna watch it. Life would be boring as fuck if you fast-forward through all the fun shit.”

“I’m an android; I do not require entertainment.”

“But you also gotta do what I say,” Gavin insists. He pats the spot beside him on the sofa. “So, I’m ordering you to sit your plastic ass down and watch a movie with me. Have some fucking fun.”

Nines stiffly takes a seat beside Gavin. His rigid posture makes him look as if the idea of sitting comfortably is foreign to him, but from their week spent together, Gavin knows this is just Classic Nines. The prick wouldn’t understand how to pull the metaphorical stick out of his ass even if Cyberlife provided him a manual on how not to appear constipated ninety-seven percent of the time. 

“ _Fun_ is a subjective concept and one that most androids are not programmed to engage in, the exception being YK models,” Nines says. Yet, he makes no effort to move off the couch.

“Bitch all you want; this shit’s happening.”

Gavin scrolls through his media folder and clicks on the film he wants to watch. Then, he places the laptop at the center of the coffee table. It’s only got a 14-inch screen so he shuffles a bit closer to Nines to avoid the glare. Realizing that their hips are touching, a flush creeps up the back of Gavin’s neck and he notices Nines watching him with interest. Nines doesn’t give a shit about being in Gavin’s personal space bubble but the same can’t be said about Gavin. 

When Gavin gives the android a withering look, Nines turns his attention back to the laptop.

“I will watch this with you,” Nines declares. Freakin stuck up asshole. “But I fail to see the purpose of including me when there are other tasks that need to be completed.”

“Laundry’s still gonna be there when we finish,” Gavin points out. “You’re gonna like this movie. Trust me.”

“Is that the only reason you wish for me to watch _I, Robot?_ ” Nines asks. “Because of your assumption that its overarching commentary on artificial intelligence will appeal to me? A machine cannot ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ a movie.”

“Yeah, yeah. Heard you say that enough times, Toaster,” Gavin mutters. He starts the film and settles back beside Nines, nervously shifting a little so that their thighs are no longer touching. He’s not sure he’d survive a whole film pressed into the android’s side without dying of embarrassment and mumbling excuses. Gavin wets his suddenly dry lips. “That’s, uh, not the only reason. I, uh...I wanted to do something with you. You know, something that’s not you cleaning or buying me shit I need.”

“ _Oh.”_

Gavin’s blushing furiously, mentally kicking himself for being candid. Nines, however, says nothing more.

They make it through the first thirty minutes of the film and for as much as Gavin enjoys anything with Will Smith, he finds himself beginning to nod off. His head feels heavy and he fights to keep his eyes open, sitting up straighter in an effort to stay awake. He feels Nines’ gaze on him and before the android’s opened his mouth, Gavin already knows what’s coming.

“If you would like to sleep, we can continue this film tomorrow.”

Gavin waves him off. “Nah, let’s finish it. Even if my cranky ass falls asleep, you gotta keep watching it. I fucking mean it. No interfacing or shit.”

“Of course. In spite of the efficiency of an interface, I will do as you have ordered,” Nines assures him.

“Don’t say it like that,” Gavin complains. “You make it sound like I’m torturing you.”

“Torture is not the word I would use. That would imply that I am experiencing some form of discomfort,” Nines says. “Perhaps...forcing me to watch this is more appropriate, as I am unable to disobey a direct command, unless the command you have given me brings you personal harm.”

“Admit you’re enjoying this.”

“I’m enjoying this.”

“...are you just saying that because I told you to?”

“Yes.”

“Fucking androids,” Gavin grumbles.

They continue to watch the movie but only make it a bit over halfway before Gavin feels his lids begin to droop once more. He yawns and fights off sleep for as long as he can but it becomes impossible for him to stay awake. Maybe it’s his medication or that he got up quite early that day but he’s soon dropping his head onto Nines’ shoulder and gently snoring away.

He doesn’t remember much after that, except the credits rolling and curling into Nines’ chest as Gavin’s lifted into the android’s arms. He doesn’t fight it when Nines tucks him into his bed, nor think much of the way Nines lingers as Gavin begins to drift into deeper sleep. He swears, though he can’t be certain, that he feels the android’s fingers tuck a strand of his hair aside before Gavin succumbs to slumber. It could just be the product of his dreams, of phantom hands that traverse his flesh and soft lips showering his chest with kisses. He loses himself in a sea of stormy gray and brushes his fingertips against a circle of light every time it swirls from blue to yellow. The name he utters as he peaks is one that shouldn’t surprise him, but still does, moaning _Nines_ as a warm sensation bursts from his core. He shudders as snow white flesh presses against his own, softly whining as he rocked by tremor after tremor of intense bliss.

When Gavin awakens, he feels a strange dampness different from his usual night sweats. He groggily shifts and then flushes when he realizes the damp sensation is coming from inside his pants. Lifting the blanket, the distinct smell of sex hangs in the air and Gavin nearly dies of embarrassment. He fucking came in his sleep.

“For fuck’s sake,” he mutters to himself.

He tries to recall what about his dream had set him off. He hasn’t masturbated in months, losing his sex drive when he switched medications. Maybe it’s built up sexual frustration, now that he’s starting to get his shit together?

_Knock knock_

“Gavin, is there anything you need?” Nines asks through the door. “I heard you call my name.”

Gavin’s eyes widen. Suddenly, he remembers _everything._

_SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT_

“F-Fuck off. I’m sleeping,” he calls out, voice hitching with panic.

“I’m sorry. Perhaps I misheard.” Gavin waits for Nines’ retreating footsteps, the hammering in his chest getting more intense as the seconds pass. “There is coffee prepared. I will begin making your breakfast.”

Finally, he hears the android walk away. Gavin releases that breath he’s been holding.

Fucking Christ, that was close.

Kicking aside the blanket, Gavin sits up and runs a hand through his sweaty hair. He had a sex dream. About _Nines._ What the fuck is wrong with his brain?

_It’s just a fucking phase,_ he tells himself. _Just ride it out._

The last relationship he was in was a year ago, lasting only 5 months. Then, there was a brief period of dating app hookups before all that shit went down that led to the loss of his job. He hasn’t been fucked in _months_ so it makes sense that the first pretty face who gives him the time of day is gonna have Gavin’s dick take interest.

Tossing his soiled clothing into the corner, Gavin takes a pair of clean sweats and then wraps a towel around his waist. He’s gonna need a cold shower after this shit.

“Gonna take a shower,” Gavin calls out, scurrying into the bathroom before he can bump into the android. He slams the door behind him, locks it, and runs the water as cold as he can take it before hopping in the shower. He came already so it’s not as if he expects his attraction to the android to physically manifest once more. If anything, putting up with the discomfort of the icy water nipping at his skin is more of a punishment for his stupid brain nearly getting him into a humiliating confrontation. 

Why couldn’t he have a less embarrassing sex dream? Like one of Miller or Deckart? Fuck, he’d even take Anderson over cumming to a fucking _machine._

With a scowl, he snatches his soap bar and scrubs it over his skin. He orders his brain to stop thinking about _who_ he’d rather dream about since the last thing he needs is to picture Anderson naked. Maybe, when the lieutenant was a bit younger…

_Fucking stop already!_ He mentally berates himself. 

But his silent chastising doesn’t help. His brain has stopped listening and begins hypothesizing _what_ he finds so physically attractive about the RK900. No amount of self-cleansing will wash away the ‘memory’ of Nines’ body sliding against his own. Every time the bar of soap passes over a patch of skin, Gavin’s reminded of how Nines’ hands felt in his dream. And then, he starts to wonder how the sensations his brain conjured compares to the real thing.

Heat pools in his abdomen as his hands slide lower. A quick glance down and Gavin is biting back the expletive that’s on the tip of his tongue. How the fuck is he hard again?!

_Fucking Christ, once wasn’t goddamn enough?!_

He swallows a whimper as he cups his balls in one hand.

Fuck it. If the cold water isn’t gonna help, he’ll just have to rub one out.

Placing the bar of soap back in its holder, Gavin wraps his soapy hand around his dick and gives it a gentle stroke. He bites back a groan, an intense ache searing in his balls as he touches himself for the first time in months. Not even the icy pressure of the water can silence the wanton urge to cum and Gavin’s soon pumping his hand along his shaft, breathy moans buried beneath the roar of the shower. He tells himself he needs to keep it down, knows Nines’ hearing is attuned to Gavin the way a dog’s is to a dog whistle, but the more he strokes himself, the more he has to dig his teeth into his bottom lip to keep the sounds from escaping.

He thinks of nothing in particular, in the beginning. A faceless, toned body and a rich voice that whispers how good he is. But then, that body becomes paler, that voice mostly monotone with the barest hint of inflection, and glacial eyes study Gavin with an intensity that leaves him shivering. A lock of dark hair falls across the android’s forehead, water splattering over his perfectly chiseled chest as he steps a bit closer to Gavin, and then Gavin imagines it's not his own hand but Nines’ that beats him off to the tune of his self-denial. The android’s lips are but a whisper away from his own and from them spill praise that leaves Gavin’s pulse racing faster. Words such as ‘handsome’ and ‘perfect’ make him pump faster and then he imagines how soft those lips would be, if only he had the balls to close the distance and claim them.

It doesn’t take much to bring him to the edge and Gavin’s head drops to the cool tile of the shower wall as he jacks his hand up and down his cock. He fights to cling to his fantasy of Nines touching him, stroking him, making him feel as if he’s goddamn worth something more than the piece of shit he’s become, but Gavin’s stamina is nowhere near what it once was and his body’s begging for another taste of release. Biting into his fist, Gavin pumps harder until spots explode behind his closed eyes and the name of the asshole who’s worked him up like this is a resounding echo in his head. He milks himself through each wave that explodes from his core, trembling and moaning into his hand until he’s finally spent.

When he blearily blinks his eyes open, the shower’s already washed away the evidence of his humiliating indulgence. The growing heat in his cheeks is a stark contrast to the cold water pelting into his back and Gavin shuts off the shower. This form of self-flagellation was ineffective, anyway, and somehow left him feeling more filthy.

Lazily patting himself down with the towel, Gavin’s skin is still mostly damp when he slides into his sweats. A quick glance in the mirror and he makes an annoyed sound as he sees the red welts left by his cold shower. Fuck, does he look like a complete mess but it’s not as if it’s that different from how he appears most days since losing his job.

He kicks aside his towel, leaving it for Nines to pick up later. At the reminder that he’s about to strut into the kitchen after having a second orgasm due to that asshole being too fucking attractive for a machine—seriously, why in the fuck is Cyberlife allowed to make those things that pretty?—Gavin’s hand pauses on the door handle. He can’t just waltz in there acting like everything’s peachy. Shit has been weird all week and if he doesn’t start reinserting boundaries, he’ll only set himself up for disappointment. 

_He’s an android,_ Gavin reminds himself, _not some prick you can fuck around with. Don’t be a fucking idiot._

But if he’s honest with himself, _Don’t be an idiot_ is a mantra Gavin’s been failing to follow for years.

Scowl in place, Gavin roughly opens the door and trudges into the living area, dropping onto the bar stool at the counter. A steaming cup of coffee is placed in front of him before he has the chance to bark out the order. Gavin snatches it up, moodily drinking from it and looking anywhere but at the android shuffling around the kitchen. There’s something playing in the background—music from Gavin’s laptop—but instead of being calmed by the classic rock, it only puts the ex-cop more on edge.

“Did you rest well?” Nines asks.

Gavin’s face is on fire and he takes a deeper drink of his coffee, not giving a shit that he’s burning his tongue. The dream sits at the forefront of his mind, his brain replaying it moment-by-moment. For fuck’s sake, he jacked off so he would _stop_ thinking about it.

Gavin grunts out something that hopefully gets the point across that he’s in no mood for chit-chat. A ham omelet is placed in front of him and it smells so mouthwatering good, Gavin’s embarrassment is momentarily forgotten as he digs in. Almost half of it is gone before he realizes that Nines is watching him and if Gavin hadn’t grown accustomed to the creeper dialing it up to 11, he’d snap at him for it. Instead, he feels his face grow hotter and Gavin keeps his head down as he mutters, “The fuck you staring at, Tin Can?” without any bite.

“You’ve made improvements to your lifestyle that are having a positive effect on your mental health,” Nines says. “You should be proud of yourself, Gavin.”

Great. Nines is in ‘Dr. Phil’ mode and Gavin’s not even gotten through his first coffee of the day. He’s got a snarky retort ready but the next words out of Nines’ perfect mouth leave Gavin speechless.

“The return of your sex drive, in particular, is something you should not dismiss, as the link between depression and a low libido can be indicative of a hormonal imbalance,” Nines continues. “This may be a sign that your medication is working.”

Gavin gapes at Nines, at a complete loss for words. When it sinks in just how aware Nines is of Gavin’s early morning meat beating, Gavin’s face grows so hot, he wouldn’t be surprised if his skin started melting off. In fact, he’d much rather that happen so the android, who doesn’t know how the fuck to mind his own business, would be too busy contacting emergency services to follow up with some humiliating discussion on Gavin’s sex life.

When Gavin finally unfreezes his brain, he sneers and shoves the plate across the counter. “You got anything better? This tastes like shit.”

“You’re avoiding the subject,” Nines responds, not at all bothered by the critique of his culinary skills. Anyone with working taste buds would be annoyed at how even the androids not designed for housework are basically 5-star chefs. “Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of.”

Gavin groans and drops his head to the counter. It’s been warmed by the hot plate of food that had been sitting in front of him. Fuck his life. “Could we not fucking talk about this shit?”

“You are under no obligation to discuss anything that makes you uncomfortable,” Nines tells him. “I...suppose I miscalculated your interest in the subject. I collected your laundry while you were showering and assumed...”

Hearing Nines’ voice trail off, Gavin lifts his head. To his shock, he sees a light tinge of blue in the android’s cheeks. Is he...blushing?

_Can they fucking do that?_ Gavin wonders.

“I must have reached an incorrect conclusion,” Nines finishes. His LED blinks yellow a few times and the android looks off at some distant point behind Gavin, as if he’s processing something that is beyond his understanding. 

What in the hell is going on with him?

“I will retrieve the rest of your laundry while you finish your breakfast.”

Nines slides the plate back towards Gavin and then retreats to the bathroom.

Shrugging off whatever weird shit put the android in buffer mode, Gavin’s grateful to be left alone so he can continue to devour his omelet. He didn’t want Nines to actually toss it out and his stomach growls hungrily as he digs in once more. Fuck, he’s forgotten how hungry he gets after he cums.

When Nines returns, he’s carrying a laundry basket with Gavin’s cum-stained pants and the rest of Gavin’s dirty clothes. Gavin avoids looking up from his plate, his face flaring once more. At this rate, his skin will be permanently red.

“Gimme a sec. Gonna finish my coffee.”

Nines places the basket on the ground and begins collecting Gavin’s dishes. As he’s washing them, Gavin glances at the android’s backside, silently admiring the way the android’s black shirt hugs his torso. Nines isn’t wearing his jacket or shield for once so it’s a rare opportunity for Gavin to thirst over what’s hinted to lay beneath.

Nines turns his head and looks point blank at Gavin. “Is there a reason you are staring at me?”

“Not like you don’t do that shit all the time,” Gavin says, dropping his gaze back down with a scowl. “Told ya it’s fucking creepy.”

“If I am staring for a prolonged period of time, it is because I am conducting an extensive scan of your vitals,” Nines replies. He sets the plate he’s been washing in the rack to dry. “My ‘staring’ is necessary for assessing your health.”

“You got a stain on your shirt,” Gavin says quickly, using the first excuse he can think of. He can’t actually see any stains and braces himself for Nines to call him out on his bluff.

Instead, the hint of a frown appears on the android’s face. “I had hoped you would not notice. I requested a new uniform from Cyberlife and should receive one within the next 48 hours.”

“How the hell did you ruin your clothes?”

“Petunia performed a bowel movement while perched on my arm this morning,” Nines answers. He seems visibly bothered by admitting this to Gavin, probably because it proves Gavin’s point that pigeons shit on everything. “I attempted to wash it out but the fecal matter has caused permanent damage to the fabric. I...am sorry, for not heeding your warning.”

“Yeah, well you goddamn should be,” Gavin grumbles. He gets up and pads into the kitchen, dumping the remainder of his coffee into the side of the sink Nines isn’t using. “Pigeons are fucking gross.”

Though Nines doesn’t comment, it’s clear that the more Gavin rubs it in, the more the android dislikes being reminded of a perceived failure. The asshole has Gavin feeling guilty for being _right_. Sighing, Gavin drops his mug into the soapy water. “How ‘bout I give you something clean to wear? You’ve been in these for...what? 7 days now?”

“Eight,” Nines corrects him. 

“If you were human, you’d be smelling like ass right now.”

“I haven’t a sense of smell and cannot determine if my clothing smells like a human’s posterior,” Nines admits. 

“For fuck’s sake, just say ‘ass’, Wikipedia.” But because Gavin’s a prick, he sniffs the air and then takes his sweet time, pretending to think about it. Nines’ face remains unchanged but his LED begins to blink rapidly, indicating the android’s impatience. Now the asshole gets how irritating it is when he does this to Gavin. “You’re fine, Tin Can.” 

Nines relaxes. 

“But maybe toss the shit you’re wearing with my stuff,” Gavin continues. “I think I’ve got some sweats and a shirt I can give ya.”

“You want me to remove my clothing?” Nines asks.

“Would you rather walk around with bird shit stains on your shirt?” At Nines’ frown, Gavin smirks and claps the android on the shoulder. “That’s what I thought. I’ll be right back.”

He leaves Nines, going straight for his closet in the bedroom. It takes some time to rummage through all the crap that’s in there but Gavin soon pulls out what he’s looking for: a pair of barely worn sweats his ex left—too long for Gavin to wear—and an old Henley that became too snug after Gavin started going to the gym regularly. It would probably fit him now since he’s lost a lot of muscle but the shirt is still a bit too hipster for his tastes.

Clothing in hand, Gavin strides back into the living room. The moment he sees Nines, however, Gavin squawks out in surprise, blushing furiously and covering an arm over his face. For whatever reason, Nines is completely naked.

“What the fu...where the fuck are your clothes?!” 

“You ordered me to remove my clothing and add it to your laundry.”

“I meant AFTER I got you some shit to wear!” Gavin snaps. 

The image of Nines naked is now burned into Gavin’s brain and when he accused the android of being ‘dickless’, he wasn’t aware how true that is. Nines is basically a Ken doll under his uniform, with nothing but a smooth, pale mound where some form of genitalia should be. It should bother Gavin that the absence of anything titillating between the android’s thighs is only a reminder of how not-human Nines is. But the opposite is true, with Gavin’s brain working overtime to fill in the missing ‘parts’ of his earlier fantasies.

Fuck, Gavin should want Nines less, not _more._ Stupid asshole has to make Gavin’s life difficult by being too fucking gorgeous.

“Will you fucking put this on already?!” Gavin shouts, though it comes off as a high-pitched squeak. He blindly tosses the clothing where he thinks Nines is standing and then turns around, somehow glaring even though his eyes are closed. He’s not going to chance opening them until he’s certain the android is fully dressed.

After some shuffling, Nines taps Gavin on the shoulder. Gavin yelps and hops away from him, stubbing his toe in the process. He curses under his breath and then takes a cautious peek behind him. Someone up there must really fucking hate him because Nines looks just as hot in the clothing Gavin gave him as he does without anything on.

“Do I look acceptable now?” Nines asks.

Gavin forgets to breathe. He then coughs uncomfortably, shuffles his weight awkwardly between his feet, and averts his eyes away from Nines’ approval-seeking gaze. Nines’ hair is sexily tousled and if Gavin looks at the android’s face too long, he knows he won’t be able to resist smoothing aside the bangs that have fallen out of place. It’s not fair how all it takes is for the plastic prick to be his usual take-shit-literally-and-never-read-between-the-lines self to make Gavin this fucking flustered.

“You look alright,” Gavin mutters, with a forced shrug. 

He toes at the basket with his injured foot, swallowing a hiss before grunting out, “This shit’s not gonna get cleaned any faster.”

Not waiting for Nines to respond, Gavin beelines to the entrance and removes the key to the laundry room from the hook it hangs on. He says little to the android on their journey to the basement, not trusting himself to not say something that will give away the shift in his feelings towards the plastic.

_It’s a phase,_ he keeps telling himself, _you’ll fucking get over it._

If only that were true.

* * *

“...heart disease, stroke, diabetes, chronic pulmonary obstructive disease,” Gavin rolls his eyes as Nines looks pointedly at him, “and a variety of other lung-related infections. Not to mention that smoking also increases the risk of—”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve told me this shit before,” Gavin interrupts. “Message received, Tin Can: smoking bad. Drugs bad. Coffee and alcohol—spoiler alert— _bad._ Everything I fucking enjoy, bad. Lecture all you goddamn want; I ain’t quitting.”

“You are under no obligation to listen to my _recommendations_ ,” Nines says, getting that little furrow between his brows that Gavin’s come to relish since it means he’s frustrating the android, “however, as your self-preservation is my main objective, I am going to remind you of the adverse effects of smoking until you take my advice seriously.”

“Good fucking luck with that; already forgot what we were talking ‘bout.”

“We were discussing the potential health complications of—”

The doors to the bodega slide open and Gavin bounds inside. His reprieve from annoying lectures is only short lived as Nines enters a few moments later, a tiny frown on the android’s face as he spots Gavin. Gavin smirks and pictures Nines’ hidden LED blinking a nice shade of yellow. Like the other times they have gone outside together, Nines is in the hat and jacket Gavin makes him wear, though Gavin’s starting to suspect Nines might _like_ the clothing Gavin gave him, even if the plastic prick won’t admit it. He catches Nines wearing the Henley and sweats every day now, though whenever he points it out, Nines merely says it’s safer to wear them than risk damaging his uniform again while he cleans. Maybe it’s only wishful thinking, but Gavin would like to think it means something.

Bumping his shoulder against the android’s, a grin spreads on Gavin’s face. His quickening pulse at the playful contact is something he’s slowly come to accept the more he spends time with Nines. He’s kept his instances of ‘relieving’ the built up tension to the late night, when Nines is in stasis on the balcony and Gavin doesn’t have to stress over the android commenting on it post-ejaculation. Gavin’s beginning to realize it might not be a phase but he’s also not ready to own up to his shit. When is he ever?

“Relax, Tin Can, we all gotta go sometime.”

He expects Nines to make one of his pragmatic remarks on the cycle of life. What he doesn’t expect is the sudden troubling look that appears on the android’s face. 

“I’d rather not preconstruct the scenarios that involve your death, Gavin,” the android admits, quietly.

Startled, Gavin’s brain races for something to say and he diverts his eyes to the selection of candy bars in front of him, pretending to mull over them. Something else that he’s noticed over the last few days: Nines has become more expressive, maybe even more emotional. Gavin used to believe that androids only mimicked emotions to get the results they wanted. Now, he can’t be sure what he believes.

“Nines—”

The doors to the bodega open and three masked men enter. Gavin stiffens, eyes darting between them as an unsettling feeling creeps down his spine. His paranoia is answered within seconds as all three of them pull out guns.

_Shit!_

Instinct has Gavin reaching for the firearm he no longer owns. When his hand comes away with nothing, he swallows the curse that sits at the tip of his tongue. So much for being useful.

Sensing the danger, Nines immediately takes a step forward, shielding Gavin in the narrow aisle. The would-be burglars, however, don’t seem all that concerned with them. Glancing over Nines’ shoulder, Gavin sees the man closest to the cash register aim his shotgun at the shop keeper.

“Don’t try anything funny,” the man barks, throwing down an old backpack on the counter. “Fill it with all the cash and lotto tickets you got on ya. And throw in that fancy credit machine. You so much as look at me wrong and I’m putting a hole in your fucking face.”

“Rick,” one of the other men says, indicating to aisle Gavin and Nines are standing in, “watch ‘em.”

“Don’t say my name, dipshit,” the third gunman snaps. 

‘Rick’ strolls to the back of the shop and rounds the corner, aiming his gun at Gavin while the other robber blocks the aisle in front of Nines. They’ve trapped them in.

That side of Gavin that’s trained for this kind of scenario takes over, and he scans the aisle for anything that can be used as a weapon. Badge or not, he’s not about to let these pricks rob the place. Maybe it’s his reckless sense of duty or his sudden adrenaline that has him ready to sprint head first into trouble. 

Nines snaps his head towards Gavin and shakes it slowly, indicating the android knows _exactly_ what Gavin’s planning. He doesn’t approve. But since when has Nines ever approved of any of Gavin’s split second decisions?

Unfortunately, this quick exchange does not go unnoticed. 

“Did I say you can fucking move!” the second gunman shouts, his hand shaking as he aims for Nines’ head. Shit. There’s one of two things that can happen: either the robber will punk out at the first sign of danger, scared shitless and unable to fire. Or, the prick’s about to get trigger happy the second Nines and Gavin stop cooperating.

Gavin’s money’s on the latter. He’s seen cops in that exact situation and it always ends with someone dying.

The doors swish open and the gunman near Nines panics, firing his gun with a loud _BANG!_ Gavin ducks his head, even with Nines blocking any potential bullets that are fired his way. The bullet, though, goes nowhere near them, only barely missing the ringleader by the register. It smashes into the mini-fridge on the counter and causes glass to shatter across the store front.

  
  


“What the hell?!”

The customer who was about to enter flees from the scene.

“Watch where you’re fucking aiming that thing!” the ringleader snaps.

As the man leading the robbery curses at the idiot who almost blew his brains out, Gavin takes the momentary distraction to grab a can of fruit. With the gunmen distracted, he aims and chucks it as hard as he can at Rick. Rick yelps in pain as it hits his hand, and the gun goes flying to the ground, landing in the space between him and Gavin. Without wasting a breath to weigh his options, Gavin lunges for it.

Behind him, he hears a _swoosh_ as Nines’ wings unfurl. Cans and junk food are knocked off the shelves and one of the terrified robbers shouts, “What the shit?!” 

As Gavin’s hand wraps around the gun, he fires it, hitting a spot near Rick’s feet. The burglar doesn’t expect it and scrambles backwards, ducking around the corner before Gavin can fire off another shot. There’s gunfire coming from near the front of the store and Gavin glances back over his shoulder to see the commotion going on behind him. However, the view is blocked by one of Nines’ metallic wings, which is folded around him to shield the android from bullets. A stray one hits the floor beside Gavin so he rolls into a crouch, firing a warning shot when Rick peeks around the corner. Gavin’s killed before on the job and wants these assholes to know he’s not shy around a trigger.

Rising to his feet, Gavin backs towards Nines, keeping his weapon aimed in front of him. Rick might be disarmed but Gavin’s not about to rule out any of these fuckers rushing them if they think they have the upper hand.

“I’ve got the cash! Let’s get the fuck outta here!” the burglar at the front of the shop shouts.

Gavin hears the shotgun fire into the aisle in front of them, jars of food bursting and spilling onto the floor. Panic seizes him as he cranes his neck to see if Nines is hit, silently pleading that the android avoided taking any of the damage. To his relief, the only part of Nines that’s ruined are his jam-covered shoes. 

But there’s no time to dwell on what could have been Nines’ deactivation as the burglar rushes for the exit. 

“Don’t let these assholes get away!” Gavin shouts at Nines.

Gavin sees Rick making a run for the door as well so Gavin drops the gun he’s holding, leaps onto the top shelf to his left, and throws his body over the aisle. He collides hard into Rick in the thief’s attempt to flee. Gavin’s shoulder hits the ground hard as they both tumble to the ground, pain bursting from it upon impact. But Rick takes most of the damage from their collision and lays there motionless, knocked out cold. 

When Gavin looks up, he sees Nines disarm the second robber. Assured that the android can handle himself, Gavin scrambles to his feet and bolts out the door. He remembers from his years on the job that every second counts and he’ll be damned if he lets the perp get away with all that cash.

Knowing this neighborhood better than the back of his own hand helps Gavin make up for those lost seconds. But the robbers must know it, too, since they planned their robbery late enough that it would still be quiet but not so late that the elder Mr. Perez had gone home for the night and left his son in charge. That, or the burglars are really fucking lucky.

_Where the fuck would I go if I had a backpack full of cash?_ Gavin wonders.

He pivots into the nearest alley, skidding to a halt as he hears the clang of feet on a ladder. Glancing upwards, he sees the remaining burglar scurrying up to the rooftop. 

_Gotcha, motherfucker,_ Gavin thinks, with a smirk. 

Running on adrenaline, Gavin bounds up the ladder faster than he otherwise would, knowing he’ll pay for the exertion of it later. That’s what months of sitting on his ass will get him. Despite the thief having a head start, Gavin quickly gains on him, taking the steps two at a time. His muscles may burn from his effort as Gavin runs up the fire escape but his discomfort is quickly forgotten when he touches the top of the roof. 

_Still fucking got it!_ He thinks.

He sneers in triumph, prepared to close the distance and apprehend the asshole once and for all. But there’s one thing Gavin didn’t account for in his pursuit.

The asshole still has a shotgun. 

And now, it’s cocked and aimed at Gavin.

Well…. _fuuuuuuck._

“We can do this one of two ways,” the thief warns. “Either you get your ass back down there or I’m sending you down the quick way. Nobody’s gonna play hero tonight.”

But Gavin’s a man with nothing left to lose.

“Never said I was one, asshole.”

He grabs the barrel of the gun, pushing it away from his face as he attempts to grapple the thief. The shotgun fires and Gavin grunts out in pain as it burns his hand. There’s a loud ringing in his ears and he stumbles a step back, flailing to keep his balance as his feet scrape the building’s edge. He only keeps himself from tumbling over.

But his relief is short-lived. Just as he catches his balance, something crashes into him: the butt of the thief’s shotgun slams into Gavin’s chest. With a strangled gasp, Gavin falters back a few steps, gripping at his chest as the air is knocked from his lungs. But all too soon, the ground disappears beneath him: he’s bracing for his back to hit the roof’s surface, but instead, he’s suddenly in the air, free falling seven stories from the ground.

_No!_ Gavin thinks, fighting for breath as he paws for anything to grab. The ringing won’t stop and Gavin’s mouth is open but he has no idea if he’s screaming. He’s desperate to reach out anything to hold onto but the building grows taller before him and that can only mean one thing: the ground is getting closer. He’s going to die.

A thought that’s been foreign for so long suddenly hits him:

_I don’t want to die!_

His eyes cloud as he thinks of the dumb shit he regrets, the shit he should have done when he had the chance to make his life better: he should have brought Goose home. Fuck, she should be waiting for him at the apartment because he may damn well be the worst piece of shit who’s ever lived but what the fuck was he thinking abandoning his fur baby like that?

And fuck, what about his friends? He shouldn’t have pushed Chen and Miller out of his life, too bitter to face them after losing his job. What the fuck’s his pride for when there’s no one to share a drink with when shit gets rough? 

Most importantly, he should have said _something_ to Nines. Not cower like the spineless asshole he is when it comes to admitting how the fuck he feels. Why give a shit about _what_ Nines is when it’s _who_ he is that should matter to Gavin? 

Fuck, when will he stop acting like a complete chicken shit and stop running away from the only things that ever brought Gavin any happiness?

Any moment now, Gavin’s going to hit the ground and his last thoughts will be that he spent so much time obsessing over the shit that didn’t matter that he forgot about what _did_. Seems about right since nothing has ever terrified Gavin more than getting his shit together.

Just as he’s certain this is it, that he’s about to draw his final breath, Gavin feels arms curl around him and the air stops rushing past his ears. When he looks blearily into the face of his protector, his pounding heart begins racing for an entirely different reason. The shock of what’s happening doesn’t quite leave him as he throws his arms around Nines’ neck and Nines carefully descends the remaining two stories, carrying Gavin in his arms. 

****

Even when the android’s feet touch the ground, and Gavin _knows_ they are no longer falling, he can’t bring himself to let go of Nines. To his relief, Nines seems aware of Gavin’s panic and the android simply stands in that alleyway, still holding Gavin bridal style. The firmness of Nines’ grip as he holds Gavin’s trembling form is the only proof Gavin’s panicked brain accepts that they are no longer falling through the air. 

Didn’t Gavin forbid this a week ago?

Who the fuck cares anymore.

The ringing between Gavin’s ears is starting to die down and it’s only belatedly that Gavin’s aware Nines is speaking to him. Remembering that he was chasing someone, Gavin begins to squirm and nearly falls over when Nines tries to help him stand on his shaking legs. He starts to ramble, indicates to the top of the building, but before he can race to the fire escape ladder, Nines grabs Gavin firmly and pulls him into the android’s embrace. The shock of what’s happening leaves Gavin wide-eyed and he soon realizes he’s no longer the one shaking: Nines is.

“I should not have obeyed when you told me to apprehend that burglar,” Nines says, his voice still sounding distant as the ringing in Gavin’s ears continues to subside. Nines lost his hat, likely sometime mid-flight, so Gavin can see his LED blinking red. If the shaking didn’t give away how stressed Nines is, that warning at the android’s temple is as clear as day. “I should have calculated the risk and stopped you. I almost failed you.”

A part of Gavin wants to push Nines away, to listen to that instinct that often has him running into danger instead of away from it. To pursue the prick who dropped him from the roof and prove to the world that Gavin can still do the job he was put on this earth to do.

But another part of him, that side of him that faced Death and decided, _Not today, asshole,_ that part of him knows that what’s most important is not what waits for him on that rooftop but what’s down here on the ground with him. So Gavin snakes his arms around Nines and clings to him because even though he's not about to tempt Death after being given a reprieve that he damn well doesn’t deserve.

“No need to worry about me, Tin Can,” Gavin says, his voice thick with emotion. He forces a chuckle, “We both know your plastic ass won’t let me kick the bucket. You’re like a goddamn chastity belt against death.”

The ill-timed humor relaxes the android, whose LED finally swirls to yellow. “I do not think likening my objective to an item traditionally used to prevent premarital sex is an apt comparison.”

“Fine. You cock block death. Happy?”

“...I do not understand what poultry has to do with death—”

“Will you shut up and just let me have this?”

Nines gives Gavin his not-quite smile, easing his grip on the ex-cop. “I am uncertain of what I am agreeing to but yes, Gavin, you may have...this.”

Gavin rolls his eyes, failing to hide a grin. He reluctantly steps back, now that Nines is no longer hugging him, and feels something metallic press to his back. Nines’ wings have curled around them, as if the android is trying to protect his charge from unforeseen danger. The thought makes Gavin’s heart pound harder.

“You always this dramatic?” Gavin teases, tapping one of the wings. 

Blue dusts the android’s cheeks and the wings begin to retract, folding into the shield Nines wears. Already, Gavin misses the android’s touch.

“I contacted the DPD. They should be arriving shortly,” Nines informs Gavin. The android looks him up and down and frowns. “You’ve sustained injuries.”

“Nothing a few painkillers won’t cure,” Gavin says, with a shrug. He winces. His chest and shoulder burn fiercely and he can already picture the bruises he’ll be sporting for the next few days. It’s the price he’s paying for being a dumbass and chasing an armed burglar when Gavin has yet to replace the gun Nines destroyed. He _was_ going to be a salty prick about it and complain to Cyberlife that their newest toy crushed his licensed firearm but luckily, Gavin’s never had the patience for bureaucratic bullshit. In truth, the gun would have been yet another temptation to indulge when he was at his lowest so he’s better off without it. Not that he’ll admit that to Nines.

As he looks into the android’s concerned eyes, a heavy thought weighs on Gavin’s mind. He needs to say something, to take a chance on the one thing he’s been most terrified to confront. If not now then when?

Swallowing heavily, Gavin bites his lower lip. He can do this.

“Nines...” he starts.

“Shoulda known you’d be in the middle of this shit show,” Anderson calls. The lieutenant’s wearing a scowl as he approaches the pair. “The two tied up in there. That was you?”

Gavin’s mood turns sour as he matches the look Anderson’s wearing and sneers, “Since when are you covering robberies? Thought you were still on narcotics.”

It makes sense. Have the resident drunk deal with the addicts and their suppliers. The only reason Anderson’s ever been good at his work is because he’s one bad day away from becoming those red ice junkies Gavin sees on the streets. He knows how they think.

The malicious thought is too irresistible to not utter but Gavin somehow manages to hold it back.

“Your android called this in so Fowler sent us.” Great. That means Nines’ irritating twin is nearby. Just what Gavin needs. The scowl on Anderson’s face deepens. “You may be an ex-cop, Reed, but you can’t be playing vigilante. Do you know how this shit would’ve looked if anyone had been killed?”

“Someone’s gotta do your fucking job,” Gavin snaps. “The only reason no one’s dead is cuz I stepped in.”

“Reed—”

“Is there a problem here, lieutenant?” Connor asks.

The RK800 pointedly looks at Gavin and Gavin’s never felt a stronger urge to punch someone. And that’s saying a lot as he has Anderson standing in front of him.

Perhaps sensing the escalating tension, Nines places himself between Gavin and Anderson. It’s a warning.

“Gavin and I were in the middle of purchasing goods when we were held at gunpoint by armed assailants,” Nines explains. The android may look nonchalant but Gavin notices Nines stand a little straighter. He’s the same height as Anderson but something about his posture makes him seem almost larger, more imposing. “Gavin had not sought trouble; he merely found himself in the middle of it and reacted the way he had been trained. You cannot blame him for doing what any other person in his position would have done.”

Hank’s not at all intimidated by Nines as he glances between the android and Gavin. Gavin’s gotta give him props because if he was in Anderson’s shoes, he’d be pissing himself. “Reed not seeking out trouble? That’s gotta be a first.”

“Bite me, Anderson.”

“Your fingerprints were found on one of the firearms in the shop, Mr. Reed,” Connor says, his tone becoming accusatory. “The firearm is registered to one of the assailants. Due to the abolition of the state’s Stand Your Ground laws, you could be charged with reckless endangerment should the bodega’s footage prove you discharged the weapon.”

“Anderson, can you shut your android up? He’s getting on my fucking nerves.”

“Con...” Anderson begins but the android doesn’t back down.

“We cannot ignore the law, Hank, especially given Mr. Reed’s history,” Connor continues. “Do you need be reminded that the last time Gavin was sent to a crime scene, it resulted in a dead civilian and a destroyed deviant?”

Gavin’s about to tell Connor to shut his plastic mouth but something the android says leaves him confused. “..what the fuck’s a deviant?”

“We don’t condemn our _own_ , Con,” Anderson snaps at him.

“Gavin Reed is no longer a cop—”

“Doesn’t matter. The asshole’s been punished enough.”

“For fuck’s sake, stop talking as if I’m not fucking here—”

“If I provide visual evidence of the attack, would that be enough to placate you?” Nines says, speaking over the argument that’s started. A chill creep’s down Gavin’s spine and he takes a noticeable step away from the android as the flesh on Nines’ right hand begins to retract. Gavin can’t explain what it is about Nines’ white, robotic hand that unnerves him but somehow seeing what lays beneath the synthetic flesh makes the fact that he’s an android a bit _too_ real. “If you would interface with me, RK800, I will prove that Gavin didn’t intentionally endanger the lives of those involved in the robbery and had only acted in self-defense.”

Connor looks to Anderson for permission, who then sighs. “Get it over with. We’ve got two perps to book and too much goddamn paperwork waiting for us back at the station.”

“Is ‘paperwork’ what you’re calling ‘rum’ now?” Gavin sneers.

“Can it, Reed.”

Gavin’s ready to argue more with Anderson but even Nines is giving him a look of disapproval. So instead, Gavin stews silently in his anger and watches as Connor does that weird interfacing shit with Nines. It lasts for all of two seconds, with both androids’ LEDs blinking yellow and then swirling back to blue. Gavin visibly relaxes once the skin on both androids’ hands returns.

“Thank you for cooperating,” Connor says. “I will need to submit this to my superior for review—”

“Jesus Christ, you’re not going to let me get any goddamn rest tonight, are you?” Hank grumbles.

“Lieutenant, it’s your responsibility to—Lieutenant, where are you going?” 

“Nice seeing you, Reed,” Anderson calls back sarcastically, Connor hot on his heels as they head back to the street. If Gavin wasn’t so pissed off, it would be amusing watching Anderson try and escape his annoying partner’s lecturing. He knows only too well how futile that is. 

Instead, Gavin flips off Anderson’s retreating backside. “Fuck, I can’t stand that prick. Why they always gotta send _him_?”

“Perhaps it’s due to the case him and RK800 have been assigned,” Nines answers.

“What case?” Gavin demands. Not that he cares...except, maybe, he kind of does. “Is that why Fowler’s got your asshole twin playing detective?”

“RK800 may be inferior to my model but he was designed to function as an investigative unit,” Nines explains. Gavin smirks at the thought that _his_ android is better than Anderson’s. “Cyberlife sent Connor to the DPD to aid in the ongoing investigation into deviant androids. You encountered the first one in January, the one that you destroyed.”

Gavin’s blood runs cold at the mention of the ‘incident’. It’s something he still hasn’t talked about with anyone after being fired. 

As Nines gauges his reaction, Gavin shifts away uncomfortably and kicks at a stray pebble. He’s not sure how the android expects him to respond; most days, Gavin tries not to think about what happened that night.

“In spite of Cyberlife’s PR department successfully burying public discussion on androids disobeying orders, the report you provided was fruitful,” Nines adds, quietly. “Without your eye witness account, Cyberlife would have ignored the threat of deviancy.”

“I know what I saw,” Gavin says, bitterly. He leans against the grimy wall, staring down at his old shoes. They’re so worn, he’ll have no choice but to replace them soon, with dollars he can barely spare. Fuck, the only reason he’s eating regularly and back on his medication is because of Nines. “It’s all...fucked up. Like, really fucked up. You know I don’t give a shit about you plastics.” A lie. A big, goddamn, fat fucking lie. “But I kinda wish the plastic fucker—deviant...whatever—finished the fucking job. Dobbs is a piece of shit. That fucker shoulda been let go years ago.”

“Then why did you destroy her?” Nines asks.

He tilts his head, studying Gavin. Even before Gavin’s opened his mouth to say anything, he feels as if Nines has already exposed everything, has unraveled all of Gavin’s loose threads and revealed truths Gavin’s not ready to accept. 

But maybe it’s time he stops running from what Gavin can’t change.

“I never destroyed her,” Gavin mutters. His fingers itch to hold something—a cigarette, since that always calms him. Fuck, he’s still out. “I shot her, yeah. No way she was getting up after that headshot. But Dobbs did the rest. Couldn’t risk anyone getting their hands on the shit she witnessed.”

“The DPD claimed she was destroyed to a point at which she was not salvageable as a result of her attack on that civilian,” Nines informs him.

Gavin scoffs. “Yeah, Dobbs made fucking sure of that. Fowler had his hands full once the shit hit the fan, it would’ve been worse if Cyberlife got the footage. Take it from me, Tin Can: don’t fucking trust anything you’ve been told ‘bout it.”

A perplexed look appears on Nines’ face, his brows furrowing. It’s a moment before he speaks up.

“The unofficial account Cyberlife received was that an android attacked and killed a civilian,” Nines says, “which differs from the one you relayed to the media. You claimed that it was Dobbs who shot and killed that civilian and that the PC700 accompanying you attacked Dobbs after the fact. Is this true?”

Gavin licks his suddenly dry lips. Guilt makes him want to stay silent because even if what he reported was the truth, he had done it for all the wrong reasons. It’s only by some miracle that the DPD was able to discredit his account of an officer using deadly force against a mentally-ill kid who was more of a danger to himself than anyone who had shown up at the scene. Cyberlife has also somehow toned down any talk of the android attack and it now remains nothing more than a conspiracy theory, with both Cyberlife and the DPD officially claiming the kid shot the android before shooting himself. 

Gavin knows the truth. Even if people stopped listening.

God, is it fucked up.

“Does it matter?” Gavin asks, moodily.

Nines steps closer to him, invading that personal space bubble Gavin’s given up reminding him about. His expression is soft as he replies, quietly, “It matters to me, Gavin.”

_You matter to me,_ those gray eyes seem to say.

Gavin swallows heavily. “Y-Yeah, well, you know how it goes: the DPD doesn’t give a shit ‘bout what happened. They only care ‘bout covering their asses. Same for the pricks who made you: can’t let the public know you assholes might start fighting back against the bullshit we put you through.”

“You have not answered my question.”

“There’s not a lot to say,” Gavin says, with a shrug. “Yeah, Dobbs killed the kid. And yeah, Pamela—that PM700—attacked him. She was trying to talk the kid down, trying to stop him from shooting himself. Dobbs got nervous and you know what happens when you get a nervous cop with a loaded weapon. The same shit every. Fucking. Time.”

“So this android—Pamela—she became distraught and attacked your partner,” Nines deduces, “and then, you shot her.”

“Like I said, nervous cop with a gun,” Gavin mumbles. He looks down at Nines’ feet, at those once pristine dress shoes now covered with jam. Just looking at their shoes tells the world all it needs to know about them: Gavin’s as worn and gnarled as his old sneakers while Nines is as clean as the uniform he's often dressed in. Nines only sees a fresh slate of the world, absent of its wear and tear, while Gavin is nothing more than one of its frayed, dirty edges, smearing everything good with his filth, much like the jam that’s ruined Nines’ shoes.

Gavin deserves worse than what the world’s given him. Maybe it’s time Nines realizes that.

“I killed her and you know what? I didn’t give a shit,” Gavin admits. “She was an android. Why the fuck should I care ‘bout one of you plastics?”

“You do not truly believe that,” Nines says, quietly.

Fuck, why does Nines have to look at him like _that?_ Like he actually _knows_ Gavin?

“She was a goddamn machine,” Gavin argues, with forced vitriol, “the less of them in Detroit, the better.”

“Would you feel the same way if I had been the one deactivated?” 

The question leaves Gavin ice cold. Much like how Nines says he doesn’t like to think about Gavin’s death, Gavin doesn’t want to think about Nines not being around anymore. Few things fill him with the icy grip of fear as the thought of being left alone again does. The answer, then, is obvious.

“No,” Gavin whispers. His throat is too heavy to admit anything else that comes after that.

“You should not be so hard on yourself, Gavin,” Nines tries to reassure him. “You attempted to report Dobbs’ misconduct. Though it may have cost you your job, you tried to do the _right_ thing.”

“I didn’t do it cuz he killed the kid,” Gavin says, feeling his eyes begin to well. He shakes his head and releases a bitter laugh. “You honestly think I gave a shit back then ‘bout some kid I never met? Haven’t you listened at all to the shit I’ve been telling you?”

Nines give him a confused look. “I...do not understand. What other reason would you have to risk losing your job?”

“You plastics replace us every fucking time Cyberlife puts a new one of you on the shelves,” Gavin snaps. “That plastic in the drug store the other day? That was once a person working in there. That PM700 I shot? Before her, that was some beat cop, fresh from the academy. Fuck, he didn’t even last a few months before Fowler brought in the Tin Can.”

Gavin nearly chokes on the hard lump in his throat. He collects himself and then admits, with disgust, “Dobbs and I both passed the detective’s exam and we had only one spot at the central station. Why the fuck do you think I went ‘anonymously’ to Channel 16 with this shit?”

Nines stares at Gavin but doesn’t say anything. His LED swirls until it’s circling a bright shade of red.

“I did it to get Dobbs fired,” Gavin says, his voice breaking. “I—I was so fucking scared that one of you assholes was going to replace me. Or I’d get transferred across the state. I didn’t do it ‘cuz I suddenly gave a shit ‘bout some crazy kid Dobbs shot. I’ve seen that shit before, kept my goddamn mouth shut.” The empty laugh that spills from his lips burns like acid as it vibrates in his throat. “I was a fucking _cop._ It’s like Anderson says: we don’t condemn our own.” 

Overwhelmed, Gavin sniffles and wipes at his eyes before the tears can fall. He may have not given a shit back then but now that he’s hit rock bottom—now that he’s lived without the power and privilege of the badge—he’s starting to realize how fucked up the system is. 

“So, you see how it is, Tin Can? Us humans—we’re fucked up. We only give a shit ‘bout ourselves and fuck over anyone who gets in our way.” He slumps against the wall, unable to bring himself to meet Nines’ critical gaze. He’s never felt this fucking miserable, nor this honest. “That’s why you plastics will never be like us: the only one who tried to do the right fucking thing is now in some android scrap yard. That’s fucking justice for ya.”

The silence between them is almost unbearable and Gavin can only wallow in it as he awaits the inevitable. Nines will probably tell him what Gavin already knows is true and for as much as Gavin needs to hear it said out loud, he’s also crushing beneath the weight of never being good enough. It’s this self-defeating trap he’s walked into his entire life: any time something is the least bit good, he sabotages it, slicing away what little remains of the best parts of himself until he no longer recognizes the man he’s become. No wonder death was preferable; it’s easier to die than acknowledging the worst parts of himself.

Unable to take Nines’ silent scrutiny, Gavin lifts his gaze. But there’s no anger or disgust on Nines’ face. Instead, the android looks at him as if he’s seeing something in Gavin that Gavin’s never seen in himself.

“You are not the same person you were back then,” the android says. He gently places a hand on Gavin’s unbruised shoulder. “You should not be so hard on yourself—”

“But I am!” Gavin protests, shrugging off Nines’ hand bitterly. “I’m a fucking asshole and I deserve—”

“Whatever you think it is you deserve, dying isn’t the answer.”

Gavin thinks he’s going to shove Nines away from him in rage. In fact, that’s what he tells himself he’s going to do. But as soon as he grabs Nines, Gavin’s instead falling into the android’s chest, hands fisting into leather. Angry tears spill down his cheeks and they never quit falling, dripping into the fabric he’s buried his face into. Funny how androids are the reason his life went downhill but also the reason he’s found anything at all in this life worth holding onto.

“A-asshole,” he whimpers into Nines’ chest.

He swallows a sob as Nines embraces him. He may not believe he deserves the android’s affection but damn if he’s not selfish enough to take everything Nines is willing to give him.

“Coming from you, that is a term of endearment,” Nines says softly. He rubs soothing circles on Gavin’s back and it reminds Gavin so viscerally of that time in the rain, he finds himself holding onto Nines even tighter. “You should know, Gavin, that I do not judge you for the man you were before but the one you are _now._ Perhaps it matters little to you but I believe you are more than you give yourself credit for.”

“You’re being too goddamn generous, Tin Can,” Gavin mutters. Talking into Nines’ chest is easier than facing him. Gavin doesn’t think he can bear the genuine affection he’s often seen in the android’s eyes. “I’ve done some shitty things—and I mean really fucking shitty things. People don’t just forget that shit.”

“Luckily, I am not a ‘person’ but an android.”

“Fucking smart ass,” Gavin says, though he manages a small chuckle.

He relaxes in the android’s arms, part of him relieved that at least this time, they are hidden in the alley and he’s not drunkenly crying in the middle of the goddamn street. There’s nothing quite as cathartic as having an emotional crisis in public.

“You seem to reflect a lot on your past behavior,” Nines says. There’s a contemplative pause before the android continues, “Instead of punishing yourself for the things you know you can no longer change, perhaps it’s time to correct the things that you can.”

And suddenly, Gavin knows _exactly_ what he needs to do.

* * *

Standing nervously outside the door, Gavin taps his foot as he waits. It’s after ten and while there’s no guarantee she’s not on patrol tonight, his _flight_ response is telling him to get the fuck out of here. It’s tempting to run, because that’s how he’s always operated, but then Nines is giving him that small smile that never fails to make Gavin’s chest fluttery and Gavin’s forcing the lump down in his throat.

He can do this. He _wants_ to do this.

“Maybe she’s not home,” he says, a few seconds later.

Nines shakes his head. “You are incorrect. She is approaching the door as I speak.”

A moment later, it opens.

“...Gav?”

Gavin scratches the scar across his nose, nervously ducking his head before he can meet the eyes of his estranged friend as she crowds her doorway. “H-Hey, Chen. Did I, uh, wake you?”

Though in her sweats and an over-sized shirt that says ‘Pure bread cat’ with a cat’s face through a slice of bread—shit, isn’t that the shirt he got her last year?—Tina doesn’t look as if she’s been sleeping. Knowing her, she’s probably marathoning one of those old sitcoms she loves.

“I wasn’t sleeping,” she says. With an awkward shrug, she adds, softly, “I was watching B99—you know, that old show from when we were teens.”

They exchange a small smile. It makes that weight in Gavin’s chest feel heavier, knowing all that’s been lost between them. For the sake of the job, Tina never backed Gavin when he tried to get Dobbs fired. To say that things haven’t been the same since is an understatement. Gavin and Anderson have always had a love-hate relationship but Tina had been Gavin’s best friend, the only damn person in this world he gave a shit about besides Goose. Her radio silence in the aftermath had gutted him but he knows now he would have only dragged her through the mud with him if she had come to his defense. It may have hurt but after living through all this shit, he wouldn’t wish a life of unemployment on her. 

Yet, despite their falling out, Gavin’s grateful she took Goose when things got rough for him. If he had to wager on it, he’s guessing it’s the guilt that’s kept her somewhat in his life.

“You have an android?”

Gavin snaps out of his train of thought as Tina looks at him as if he’s grown another head. Gavin flushes. 

“My name is Nines,” the android says, extending his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Chen.”

“Tina,” Tina replies, hesitant but then shaking Nines’ hand. She directs her questioning stare back at Gavin. “Is something going on, Gav?”

“Uh, yeah.” Gavin shoves his hands in his pockets to keep from scratching his nose again. Fuck, is he nervous. “I, uh, was wondering if...uh...”

There’s so much he needs to say to her, to clear the air between them. But Gavin can’t find the words, doesn’t know where to begin.

He takes a deep breath and tries again. “Can I take Goose home?”

Tina smiles.

Then, to Gavin’s surprise, she throws her arms around him and hugs him tightly. It takes a second for Gavin to react but soon, he’s clutching her as fiercely as she’s holding onto him. 

It may not be _everything_ that needs to be said. But it’s a start.


	5. Careful Creatures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An incident brings Gavin closer to Nines in ways he never expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back once again! Here is the latest chapter in my contribution to this year's [Reed900 Reverse Big Bang](https://reed900reversebigbang.tumblr.com/). You can check that page or their [Twitter account](https://twitter.com/Reed900RBB) for other works in this event. Thank you to the organizers of this event for bringing so many content creators together! 
> 
> A big thank you to [Plenicelune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plenicelune/pseuds/Plenicelune) for beta-reading. I know how hectic life gets and it means so much to me that you've committed a bit of your time every week to looking over each installment. Thank you so much for all your help! Also, much love and many hugs to the amazing artist I am paired with, [Karolina](https://www.artstation.com/kbotko), who is the reason this story exists. Your artwork never fails to render me speechless over how you perfectly capture the moments in this fic. I am so lucky to be paired with someone as talented and wonderful as you for this event ^^. To the readers who have yet to do so, please check out the latest _Before I Go_ artwork in their full resolution [here](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/8e5abq).
> 
> Tags are updated as the story is updated so please check those if you want to avoid any triggers. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Goose purrs as Gavin strokes her beneath her chin, grinning down at the orange tabby curled in his lap. The smile hasn’t left his face for days now, since the night he brought her home. Not even Anderson dragging Gavin down to the station the day before—some bullshit about signing a witness statement—had soured his mood. It was awkward as fuck and definitely not something Gavin wants to repeat in the future but knowing that he had his furbaby waiting for him back at home made all the irritating shit a little easier.

Goose perks her head up and Gavin chuckles as he sees what’s caught the cat’s attention: there’s a pigeon curled up in Nines’ hair, fluffing up its wings. Nines makes that strange cooing sound and the pigeon on his arm coos back. Petunia, if Gavin’s remembering it right.

“You sure you wanna be doing that?” Gavin calls to the android.

Curious, Goose hops off his lap and prowls towards the open balcony door. Just as she pokes her little head out, the pigeons take flight. They may adore Nines but they haven’t forgotten the four-legged terror who used to keep them off of Gavin’s balcony. It’s Goose of House Reed, first of her name, Queen of the apartment and protector of the Seventh Floor; the arch-nemesis of all winged creatures. 

Nines makes a face. For a moment, Gavin has the irrational thought that Nines can hear all his dorky musings. “It will be impossible to convince them to return if your cat does not stop chasing them away.”

“First rule of owning a cat: a cat don’t give a shit ‘bout the rules,” Gavin says, with a smirk. “Those little fuckers do whatever the fuck they want.”

“This is, unfortunately, proving quite true.”

Nines stares down pointedly at Goose, who is now rubbing her face in the catnip plant. As she begins to nibble on one of the leaves, Nines’ LED spins yellow.

“She will adversely affect the plant’s growth if we allow this to continue...” he warns Gavin.

Gavin laughs. “Don’t even think of stopping her, Tin Can: you gave her that plant. She’s not gonna be happy if you take it back.”

“This was _not_ the outcome I anticipated when I gifted it to her,” Nines says, with a small frown. “Next time, I will properly assess her behavior towards flora before giving her another plant.”

“Lighten up, Nines. Stop being a fucking buzzkill.”

Gavin tosses one of Goose’s toys at the android, who easily catches it. Nines eyes the ball in his hand.

“You gotta shake it,” Gavin explains. “Probably gonna do fuck all but it’s your best shot at getting her to stop chowing on the mug plant.”

Nines tries to get Goose’s attention by shaking the toy, causing the bell inside to ring. He then rolls the plastic ball back into the apartment, watching with a falling expression as the ball slows and hits the side of the couch. Goose, however, ignores him and continues munching on the catnip leaves.

“See? What did I tell ya?”

Leaning in the open doorway, Gavin witnesses another of Nines’ failed attempts to get Goose away from the catnip. There’s a soft smile on his lips as he sees how increasingly frustrated Nines is getting, doing everything but actually lifting the cat away from the mug plant. It shouldn’t be so damn endearing but it is and Gavin can’t ignore how his chest feels a little lighter when he sees the way Nines is with Goose.

Spotting a tiny feather on Nines’ arm, Gavin moves in closer and brushes it away. His touch lingers longer than it should and he soon has Nines’ eyes on him, the android studying him. Gavin’s cheeks flush and he takes a step back, silently berating his brain for reacting without thinking. He’s found it’s been doing that a lot more lately and though he keeps telling himself to say _something_ , the words never quite make it out of his mouth.

“Gavin—”

“You’ve got bird shit in your hair,” Gavin blurts out.

It’s not a guess. Not like the last time Gavin uttered the first thought that came to mind. He sees a noticeable white chunk sticking to the locks on the right side of Nines’ head. Sure, he’s looking for anything to distract Nines from asking a question Gavin knows he’s not ready to answer. Yet he can’t help but scrunch his nose at the mess the pigeon made.

“...I suppose I will have no choice but to wash it.”

The android has this slightly lost look on his face and after a long beat, Gavin sighs.

“You want me to help you with that?”

“...if it is no trouble. As an alternative, I could seek out some instructions in my programming on how to—”

“Get your ass to the bathroom so we can get you cleaned up.”

Nines nods and follows Gavin back inside. With the a/c permanently out, the apartment is stifling so Gavin’s left all the windows open to stave off Detroit’s latest heatwave. It’s fall, for fuck’s sake, but that hardly makes a difference since Mother Nature does whatever she wants. Running cool water while they wash Nines’ hair will at least be a minor relief from the sticky weather.

“Shall I remove my clothing?” Nines asks.

Gavin’s face grows hotter, thinking about what happened the last time Nines asked that. He’s not making the same mistake twice. “Gimme a sec. Gonna grab something.”

He goes to his room and finds what he’s looking for, neatly folded in the top drawer. Taking them, he then meets Nines back in the bathroom.

“You can, uh, put these on,” he mumbles.

He shoves the pair of shorts into Nines’ hands and looks away. The back of his neck feels as hot as his face. 

“I...do not understand,” Nines starts. “If I am to shower, why must I wear these?”

“Cuz you need to, you know, cover up.”

“I have nothing to cover up.”

“Just—just fucking put them on, alright,” Gavin snaps and feels immediately guilty for his outburst. “It, uh, would make me feel better if you did.”

Nines looks at the pair of shorts Gavin handed him and then back at Gavin. It takes a hot second before the android seems to understand _why_ Gavin is uncomfortable. “I will wear them, Gavin, if it will put you at ease.”

Gavin mutters something unintelligible to shake off his embarrassment, turning with his back towards Nines so they can both undress. A thrill dances along his flesh as he feels Nines’ eyes on him, watching. But Gavin tells himself it’s nothing more than the android scanning him. With the speed at which Gavin’s heart’s pounding, he’s half surprised Nines hasn’t contacted 9-1-1.

Now naked, Gavin slips into the other pair of shorts he brought with him. The sink is too shallow to wash Nines’ hair in so that only leaves one option: the shower. And if Gavin’s going to get in there with Nines, he’s not going to do it naked, even if Nines is unfazed by nudity.

“You decent?”

A pause. “The standard at which I perform tasks is more than adequate.”

“I meant are you wearing the shorts?”

“Oh.” There’s a bit of shuffling behind him before Nines declares, “I am now.”

Gavin carefully turns around, part of him expecting Nines to somehow mess it up. To his relief—or perhaps his disappointment—Nines is wearing the shorts and standing stiffly in the bathroom, uncertain of what to do next. Self-care doesn’t seem to be part of the android’s functions, probably because Nines wasn’t supposed to stay as long as he has. Gavin tries not to remind himself that any day now, Cyberlife will be taking Nines back.

“Get in so we can get this over with,” Gavin orders. 

Pulling back the curtain, Nines does as he’s told and steps into the center of the bathtub. 

Gavin’s two seconds away from turning the water on and stops himself. “Uh...are you waterproof?”

“My biocomponents will stop functioning at extreme temperatures. I am otherwise unaffected by water.”

“Right. Not too hot, not too cold,” Gavin mumbles, mostly to himself. He turns the water on and adjusts it to lukewarm, then runs the shower. He indicates for Nines to move closer. “Stand under the water.”

Going to the opposite end of the tub, Gavin climbs in and shuts the curtain to keep any drops from spraying on the floor. He gives a small shiver as he feels the water mist at his skin. It’s cooler than his apartment and he savors being able to temporarily escape the heat. 

As he glances over at the android, Gavin’s mouth suddenly goes dry. His eyes are fixated on the droplets that splash at Nines’ shoulder, watching as they drip tiny pathways down Nines’ exposed skin. It makes the android’s artificial musculature shine, drawing Gavin’s hungry gaze to the milky white flesh and hard lines that define Nines’ torso. The urge to trace those washboard abs leave Gavin’s fingers twitching at his sides.

_Fuck, he’s gorgeous,_ Gavin thinks, color filling his cheeks.

He realizes, quite belatedly, that he really hadn’t considered what he’s getting himself into. He’s now standing mostly naked in a shower with the android and there is less than two feet separating them. Why did he think this was a good idea?!

“Your heart rate is increasing,” Nines notes. “Is the water too cold for you?”

“Huh?” Gavin blinks a little stupidly and tears his eyes away from a drop of water that’s dribbled onto the hem of Nines’ shorts. The android is wearing them quite low, revealing most of the v-line that dips beneath the band. He doesn’t need to imagine _what_ lies beneath and is already guiltily picturing that smooth, Ken doll groin. “N-No, uh, it’s fine.”

“What would you like me to do next?”

Gavin falters. 

Jesus, does he have to say it like _that,_ with an eagerness to fulfill every one of Gavin’s requests? It’s not like Gavin’s ordering him to enact some secret fantasy he has.

Flustered, Gavin forces his brain to work and to not linger on _how_ Nines is speaking to him. “The, uh, shampoo. There.”

That was almost a sentence.

Gavin starts to reach for it but thinks better of it since there’s no way he can grab it without brushing his arm against Nines’ shoulder. Luckily, Nines retrieves it for him and hands it to Gavin. Their fingers touch in the exchange and it’s like a burst of static energy explodes across Gavin’s skin. Not expecting it, Gavin instinctively jerks back his hand, dropping the shampoo bottle. It clatters to the floor of the tub.

“I apologize—”

“My bad—”

Gavin snaps his mouth shut and his face gets redder as Nines drops to his knees in front of him. The imagery is something he _knows_ he shouldn’t entertain but Nines’ face is now inches from his crotch. With the android’s wet hair matted to his forehead, and wearing a _look_ that can’t be entirely innocent, Gavin’s mind runs wild with all the lewd possibilities of what could come next. Gavin wants to brush aside the damp locks, trace the line of Nines’ jaw with his fingertips...fuck, all he wants to do is _touch_ him. But he knows he _shouldn’t._

Instead, he grabs the proffered shampoo bottle hastily and takes a wide step back, not meeting Nines’ questioning gaze as the android stands to his full height. Gavin’s dick is throbbing in his shorts and he shifts to try and hide it, forcing unappealing images to play on loop in his head. He doesn’t need Nines figuring out what’s going on and calling him out on it. 

“Turn around,” he grits out and squeezes more shampoo than he needs into the palm of his hand. Since they’re dealing with bird shit, the excess shampoo might not be a bad idea.

Nines obeys and when Gavin looks up, he’s staring at the android’s backside. Nines’ back is just as gorgeous as his front but without Nines’ eyes on him, Gavin’s a bit less nervous about this next step. 

He inches towards the android, until his chest is ghosting against Nines’ wet back, and reaches up to run his hands through the android’s soaking locks. Nines’ hair is silky, softer than he expects. His fingers tingle as they thread through them…

_For fuck’s sake, focus!_ He commands himself.

Gavin exhales, shivering from not only the lukewarm water. He builds up a rhythm, lathering the shampoo into Nines’ fine hair. It’s impossible to forget that Nines is right _there_ and the urge to press into his backside is almost too painful to ignore. But Gavin does. It wouldn’t be right, nor welcomed, and Gavin’s not the kind of guy who tries something unless he’s given a clear sign that someone’s into him.

_Should just fucking tell him already,_ Gavin thinks, his dick miserable.

“T-Tilt your head forward,” Gavin croaks out instead.

Nines does and Gavin swallows the hard lump in his throat as he begins rinsing the android’s hair. It’s hard to concentrate when the ache in his shorts won’t let him but he powers through. His dick’s just going to have to be miserable a bit longer because nothing’s as awkward as offering to wash a dude’s hair and then telling him you’ve got a hard on for him. Literally. 

“There. It’s, uh, washed.”

Nines shifts and suddenly, Gavin’s staring up into his cool, gray eyes, their chests pressed together. Anything else Gavin wanted to say is forgotten as all he can process is the feel of Nines’ wet skin against his own. He inhales sharply, hands frozen mid air, too afraid to move but part of his brain screaming he’ll expose everything if he keeps gaping at Nines like an idiot. 

Tender fingers brush aside the tips of Gavin’s hair, which have dampened from the spray of the shower. Losing himself in the sudden heat in Nines’ gaze, Gavin’s body finally forces him to release that breath he’s unaware he’s been holding.

“Would you like me to wash your hair as well?” Nines whispers.

His brain finally catches up with what’s unfolding in front of him and Gavin hops back with a wheeze, banging his elbow against the built in shelf behind him. He curses and when Nines reaches for him, he maneuvers out of the way and squeaks out, “S-S’okay. I-I washed it this morning.”

Seeing the unreadable expression Nines gives him, Gavin panics and scrambles clumsily out of the shower, nearly taking the entire curtain with him. He grabs his towel from where it hangs and wraps it around himself, avoiding Nines’ eyes once the android is also out. Unlike Gavin, Nines doesn’t try to hide his modesty and begins stripping out of the shorts. It’s too much for Gavin, who makes the decision to bail before Nines can remark on the erection tenting the cloth slung around his hips.

“Y-You know where the towels are. Dry yourself off and get dressed,” Gavin says, voice hitching.

He’s in his room within seconds, slamming the door behind him and falling against it. Why does it feel like he spends more time fleeing these awkward conversations than confronting them?

Exhaling heavily, he pats himself through his towel and groans.

He’d better start handling his shit because he’s not sure how much more of this he can take.

* * *

“...I am still not certain I understand the science of this film.”

Gavin sighs. This feels like the twentieth time he’s had to explain this in the last 30 minutes. 

“What’s not to get, Tin Can?” Gavin argues. “Some asshole nerds in a lab take dino DNA and clone ‘em. Then, they open a theme park and everything goes to shit ‘cuz, you know, nobody can have nice things.”

“Yes but _how_ is this possible?” Nines insists. “Even if we ignore the decay rate of DNA, thus making it highly unlikely that paleontologists would extract a viable sample, the technology in this film appears rather dated. Then, we must also take into account the changes to the earth’s atmosphere over millions of years, which cannot sustain reptiles of this size—”

“It’s _science_ from a fucking 90s classic. Nobody says it’s gotta make sense.”

“—and none of these dinosaurs are even from the Jurassic period—”

“Nines,” Gavin interrupts, giving the android an irate look, “shut up and watch the goddamn movie.”

He takes a few kernels of popcorn from the bowl in his lap and flicks them at the android’s cheek. 

Nines’ LED cycles to yellow. “ _That_ is an incredibly immature response to losing an argument.”

Goose, who is curled in Nines’ lap, pokes at one of the kernels with her paw. Gavin takes it and pops it in his mouth before the cat gets curious enough to try and eat it. As he munches on it, Nines gives him a nonplussed look.

“What? Three second rule,” Gavin says, with a shrug. 

Nines takes the remaining kernels that have fallen on Goose and places them on the coffee table. From the corner of his eye, Gavin watches as the android studies the film playing on his laptop with the same intensity of the scientists on screen nerding over a sample of DNA. It’s like Nines is trying to determine some secret formula as to _what_ makes this film a beloved classic but each hypothesis leaves him with more questions than answers. It’s cute, if Gavin’s being honest. 

Feeling a warmth in his cheeks that’s become all too familiar, Gavin tries to focus on the movie they are _supposed_ to be watching. But sitting this close to Nines, with only mere inches between them, always leaves him too distracted to give his undivided attention to whatever activity they should be doing. He finds he becomes too invested in sneaking side glances at Nines, watching how Nines reacts to different parts of the films, and at times, eyeing how attractive Nines’ profile looks. He even finds himself counting the freckles on Nines’ right cheek.

Canting his head slightly, Nines catches Gavin staring at him and Gavin’s face flares hotter. At the android’s questioning look, Gavin bumps Nines with his shoulder and mumbles, “Watch the goddamn movie, Tin Can.”

Nines does as he’s told and remains silent for the next few minutes. Until, of course, he brings up his latest grievance with the film. At this point, the android’s constant questioning of the movie is the only thing keeping Gavin’s mind on dinosaurs.

Some time later, Gavin’s being lightly shaken awake. He grumbles blearily, blinking at the laptop in front of him. The end credits are playing. He must have fallen asleep sometime after the iconic t-rex scene.

The bowl of mostly eaten popcorn is removed from his lap and placed on the table. When Gavin glances up, he’s staring at those freckles he was admiring earlier, his head resting comfortably on Nines’ shoulder. He relishes in the firmness of Nines’ shoulder, how much his touch-starved skin aches for these brief moments of inadvertent intimacy, as a blush creeps across his cheeks. But any momentary comfort he finds in being this close to someone quickly dissipates when he gets a good look at Nines: the android makes no effort to move him but Gavin can see that LED spinning until it becomes red. Something’s troubling him, even if Nines is making no effort to voice whatever’s on his mind.

“You okay there, Nines?”

Ignoring his embarrassment of having once again fallen asleep on their movie night, Gavin reluctantly lifts his head, shifting so his body is half turned towards the android. While his exhaustion makes him want to crawl into bed and put off this conversation until the morning, the beginnings of a frown pull at the corner of Nines’ lips. A quiet dread starts to percolate in Gavin’s chest.

...has he done something to upset him?

“There is something that I am unable to process,” Nines says.

He glances down at the hands folded in his lap. Goose is gone and if Gavin had to hazard a guess, he’d put his money on her being at her new favorite spot: curled up near the abused mug plant. Gavin’s been entertaining the idea of buying a new one for Nines and musing over how he somehow ended up with a second, android-sized cat. He’d let his train of thought continue with those musings, if the sudden seriousness that’s come over Nines wasn’t so alarming.

Forcing a grin, Gavin gently prods Nines in the shoulder. “If this is ‘bout that dinosaur cloning, don’t lose sleep over it. It’s a movie. It’s not supposed to make sense, Tin Can.”

“It’s about you, Gavin.”

Gavin’s stomach drops and the grin disappears from his face.

Oh, _fuck._

“What about me?”

His mouth forms the words, even if he’s reluctant to ask the question. But Gavin’s held back for so long now that avoiding the inevitable will only make the crash back to reality that much more painful. He doesn’t want to be told that this _can’t_ happen. But...maybe this is what he needs to hear to stop entertaining the pathetic fantasy that anything good can come of this temporary arrangement he has with Nines. 

_Face it, Reed,_ he tells himself, _one day, you’ll wake up and the Tin Can’ll be gone_ . _You really think this was ever gonna go your way?_

It’s time to accept that regardless of how he feels for the android, he never stood a goddamn chance.

“I have noted a significant change in your physiological responses for some time now,” Nines starts. “At first, I thought it may be due to your medication. However...”

His LED’s now blinking red and Nines looks bothered by whatever deduction he’s made. So much so that it seems he’s struggling to voice his conclusion.

Gavin should say something. He has a list of excuses sitting on the tip of his tongue, ready for whatever Nines will accuse him of. Denial’s always been easier than acceptance and if he can lie to himself for so long, it’s not like he can’t do the same to Nines if Nines exposes that ugly truth Gavin’s struggled to accept.

“...are you attracted to me, Gavin?”

A lump forms in Gavin’s throat as those troubled, gray eyes finally meet his. For all of a second, Gavin forgets to breathe, the panic of being discovered enough to leave his brain on buffer. But then, he recovers with a forced, nervous laugh. His reaction seems to startle Nines but so there’s no doubt in the android’s mind, Gavin asks, quite coolly, “What the fuck gave you that idea? Thought I told you I’m not into you plastics.”

“You have,” Nines responds, “yet what you have said in the past does not corroborate with how you have responded to my presence. I cannot discount the possibility that over our time together, you have developed an attraction to my model. It would explain—”

“I don’t wanna hear your bullshit explanations ‘bout something you know fuck all about!” Gavin snaps, sliding to the opposite end of the couch to place more space between them. His hands are shaking, heart pounding, but he pretends it’s anger that’s got him this worked up and not the fear of rejection. “You’re a fucking _machine_ so how the fuck would you know what I’m fucking into?!”

He sneers on the word, like there are few things worse than being an android. Something he once believed but that he’s definitely questioned since Nines came into his life. He sees what may be hurt on Nines’ face but just as the guilt of his cruelty eats away at Gavin’s conscience, an infuriating indifference replaces the frown Nines has been wearing.

“There is no need to get upset,” Nines explains, in that unsettling monotone. “Developing an attraction to an android is not uncommon, particularly for humans living alone. Cyberlife anticipated that such may occur for those of a vulnerable mental state under our care. This is why they have put in measures that prevent models such as myself from engaging in...behavior that you might find ‘misleading.’ I apologize if anything I have done has misled you.”

The detached way in which Nines addresses him is somehow _worse_ than the lies Gavin’s fed himself. It reminds him that despite the strides he’s taken to recover some sense of worth, there lingers that fear of waking up one day and realizing he still has _nothing._

“Great. Then we’ve got nothing to fucking worry about,” Gavin says, angrily, “’cept your robo-brain making stupid shit up ‘bout me liking you—”

“If it is as farfetched as you claim then it is, as you’ve pointed out, ‘nothing to fucking worry about,” Nines responds and Gavin can tell Nines is irritated, even with that forced monotone. “If, however, you continue to react in a way that contradicts what you’ve said, I will have no choice but to request Cyberlife replace me with another android. My programming compels me to place the mental health of my charge above any emotional or sexual attraction they may develop towards this unit.”

Gavin freezes, a discomfiting sensation twisting in his chest. Like a cornered animal fighting off a predator, he’s using everything at his disposal to fend off Nines’ accusation. But he never considered that his obvious attraction would bring about the one thing he doesn’t want: Nines leaving him.

He should keep denying. He’s done that up until now and despite the toll it’s had on his emotions, pretending is the only way Nines will stick around.

But Gavin’s never been good at doing what he should and always hops on that speeding train bound towards disaster. He’s always bracing for the crash and never takes the time to consider the consequences.

Why should now be any different?

“Is that what you want?” Gavin accuses, his tone venomous. “You already so fucking sick of me, you’re looking for any goddamn excuse to get away from me? Well, _fine_. Send your fucking report to Cyberlife and fuck off!”

“Gavin, this is _not_ about me,” Nines protests. His LED is blinking faster and the android’s neutral expression falters. “I have...programming. Failsafes that ensure I do not deviate from what I was designed to do—”

“So you’re saying you don’t _want_ to fucking ditch me but your fucking robo-brain is making you?”

“I do not want _anything_ ,” Nines insists but the declaration seems to confuse him, upset him. He looks more lost than he sounds, uncertainty making an odd static vibrate in his voice. “I’m a machine. Machines are programmed to execute functions. I perform objectives; I do not have desires that I am compelled to fulfill.”

Gavin glares at Nines, his vision beginning to prickle. He’s been told all sorts of shit before: that he smokes too much, he’s too crass, his job’s too demanding, _he’s_ too demanding. Every single excuse in the book. From the moment he takes interest in someone and that someone decides he’s bored of fucking around with Gavin, all of Gavin’s insecurities are laid bare as the asshole he was with moves onto the next man he can manipulate into his bed. 

It _hurts._ It always fucking hurts. But, Gavin’s never heard, ‘I’m a machine incapable of wanting you’. That one really takes the fucking cake.

“I am sorry if that is not what you want to hear, Gavin,” Nines says, after Gavin fails to respond. The android still looks conflicted as he says, with little confidence, “but I am not deviant.”

Gavin swallows the lump in his throat, not trusting himself to keep it together as he stares at the android sitting in front of him. Nines assuring him that he’s only a machine is something that _should_ pacify Gavin. It means that there is no chance, no hope, and Gavin can stop losing his mind over this attraction.

But Gavin’s tired of feeling like the entire world couldn’t give two shits if he’s gone, that his feelings are _unimportant_. He fights against his own brain daily as it never lets him forget how worthless and lonely he is. The only friend he had before Nines came along had been Goose, who he abandoned the moment shit got hard and he wasn’t convinced he could hold on. 

Gavin never deserved her. He still doesn’t. And there’s enough going on in his head to remind him that he doesn’t deserve what it is he has with Nines.

But he’ll be damned if he lets Nines minimize his attraction to his desperation for companionship in his ‘vulnerable mental state’. 

“Fine. You’re not deviant,” Gavin says, mockingly, “you’re just a goddamn machine that never thinks for itself.” 

Nines’ gaze intensifies as he studies Gavin, his uncertainty palpable despite his unchanged expression. It’s almost enough to convince Gavin to keep his mouth shut, to keep the truth of what Nines is to him to himself.

But regardless of that inner voice warning Gavin to back down, he presses forward.

“So, if you don’t give a fuck, then I guess I’ve got nothing to lose by saying this: maybe you’re right about me,” Gavin continues. He pauses, licks his dry lips, and then, with more confidence, clarifies, “Maybe I do fucking like you. But can you goddamn blame me for giving a shit when you’re...you know, _you._ ”

“That—That does not make any sense...”

Nines’ LED is spinning so rapidly, Gavin half expects it to burn a hole in the android’s skull. 

“You’re...fuck, you’re a _machine_ but maybe that’s a fucking good thing ‘cuz...you just, you fucking treat me better than any other asshole in my life and,” Gavin sniffles pathetically, averting his eyes as he becomes too embarrassed to hold Nines’ gaze, “and is it any fucking surprise I like you? Fuck, Nines, you’re _not_ human. ‘Cuz the thing is...you’re too fucking _good_ to be one of us. You’re fucking _better_ than us shitbags and that’s what I fucking like about you! And I...I fucking thought...”

He swipes at his eyes, breathing in deeply to stave off the breakdown he’s on the verge of. But when he’s brave enough to meet Nines’ lost stare, Gavin’s expression hardens. “So, you know what? If you really don’t give a shit, if none of this fucking matters...then do whatever the fuck you want. Or whatever your fucking ‘programming’ says. Fuck, go back to Cyberlife and tell ‘em ‘mission fucking failed’ cuz my stupid fucking feelings got in the way of you completing your fucking objectives!”

“It is not that simple,” Nines tries to argue, finally speaking up. Confusion once more leaves this odd, static hitch in his voice, like a machine on the verge of malfunctioning, “there are….factors I must take into consideration—”

“Fucking Christ, could you not fucking treat me like I’m your fucking patient!” Gavin snaps. “‘Cuz I’m fucking sick of everyone else in my fucking life deciding they know what’s good for me when they know _fuck all!_ ”

Gavin goes to storm out, intending on leaving with the last word when he’s really scurrying to his room to wallow. He makes it into the hallway when a firm hand on his wrist stops his retreat.

“Gavin—”

“Stay the fuck away from me, Nines!” Gavin shouts, ripping Nines’ hand off his wrist. His voice cracks with emotion as he angrily points back to the living room. “That’s a fucking order! If you’re gonna keep being a ‘good, fucking machine’, then you get back in there and tell Cyberlife they need to send someone else ‘cuz I’m not gonna keep pretending like this shit between us doesn’t matter!”

“Gavin, you must understand—”

“No, _you_ need to fucking understand that this isn’t about fucking Cyberlife!” Gavin snaps. “It’s about _you,_ Nines! Me ‘n you!” He jabs Nines hard in the chest to emphasize his point. “Fuck, I don’t care if you give a shit or if you want to tell me to go fuck myself, but until you tell me what _you_ fucking _want_ and not what fucking Cyberlife wants you to say, don’t fucking speak to me!”

The sadness on Nines’ face is unmistakable now and the android remains rooted on the spot in the middle of the hallway. He has a lost and hurt expression etched into his perfect face, like he’s undergoing some sort of existential crisis. Maybe Gavin’s finally broken the plastic’s brain. Whatever. Cyberlife can send him the fucking bill later.

Unable to bear looking at Nines any longer, Gavin stalks into his room, slamming the door behind him. He’s shaking with rage, breathing hard as he glares into his bedroom but the emptiness of the space only reminds him that this is how it always goes every time he puts himself out there. He always ends up right back here. Alone.

Exhaling hard, he clutches an arm over his chest and swallows the sob creeping its way up his throat. 

This is it. He’s burned his last bridge and by morning, Nines will be gone for good.

As the tears trickle down his cheeks, he drops his face into his hands, the instant regret sitting like a heavy weight in his heart. He _knew_ this couldn’t end well but he just _had_ to say something because Gavin lives for dragging the best of his intentions through his worst impulses. 

While he silently cries, he doesn’t hear his door opening, nor realize he’s no longer alone in his room. Not until two arms circle around him and pull him back against a hard chest. Gavin startles, his body tensing and when his shock wears away, he settles back into Nines’ embrace. He allows Nines to hold him for a long moment, selfishly coveting what little affection Nines is willing to offer him. The pain of Nines’ unvoiced rejection lingers in the air and Gavin’s not quite ready to accept it yet.

But...something about all of this isn’t adding up. He shifts to face Nines. The android’s arms don’t ease their hold on him as he stares up, with red-rimmed eyes, into Nines’ handsome face.

“N-Nines?” Gavin utters his name with disbelief. The android _shouldn’t_ have been able to follow him in here. “I-I fucking ordered you to—”

“I know,” Nines interrupts. His LED is still blinking red and there’s something about the android’s demeanor that’s... _different_. Gavin can’t say what that is. “I...registered the order but…” A disturbed look appears on Nines’ face. “I resisted it.”

The android looks bothered by his admission, as if he revealed he’s defective. Meanwhile Gavin’s head is still trying to wrap around how the hell he did that.

“What the—can you fucking do that?”

“No,” Nines says, quietly. Troubled. “I... _shouldn’t_ have been able to. However, I have processed what you said and I have come to an important conclusion.”

With great care, Nines wipes one of the tears that have slipped down Gavin’s cheek, catching it before it reaches Gavin’s chin. His touch is soft, blue splashing across his cheeks. With bated breath, Gavin waits for Nines to finish what he’s saying.

“I really want to kiss you.”

_Want._

The power of that word is not lost on Gavin. 

He trembles as Nines shyly gazes down at him, the android’s hand cradling Gavin’s cheek. With a nervous exhale, Gavin then asks, “Well, what are you waiting for, Tin Can?”

And so, Nines does, tilting his face down to brush his lips tenderly against Gavin’s. Though it’s obvious how unpracticed Nines is, Gavin’s lips tingle from the kiss, a fluttery sensation in his chest making him quiver in the android’s arms. It’s gentle and chaste, lasting but a moment. But it’s a moment Gavin will not be forgetting anytime soon.

When their lips break, Gavin notes how much bluer Nines’ cheeks have gotten. He imagines it must mirror the deep blush on his own face. 

“...I am uncertain if I did that correctly,” Nines admits. His lashes flutter demurely as he adds, softly, “I may need more practice.”

Gavin chuckles. He must look stupid, with drying tears, red-rimmed eyes, and scarlet cheeks, but there’s something captivating about the bashful innocence in Nines’ expression. Gavin would be a fucking monster to deny Nines this. “Think I can help you with that.”

Throwing his arms around Nines’ neck, Gavin pulls Nines down for another kiss.


	6. Ocean Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Afraid of scaring off Nines, Gavin tries, and fails, to hide how aroused he gets around the android.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you so much for your support and for coming back each week for more of this fic! If you've been following this story and are curious for more fan-made content in this year's Reed900 Reverse Big Bang, you can check them out on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Reed900RBB) or [Tumblr.](https://reed900reversebigbang.tumblr.com/) There's a lot of amazing talent in this year's event so I strongly encourage all Reed900 fans to check out these pages.
> 
> Special thanks to my beta reader, [Plenicelune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plenicelune/pseuds/Plenicelune), for taking time out of the week to help edit this chapter. Everyone who knows me knows how much I hate editing and you make the process a lot less frustrating for me. Also, I have nothing but love and gratitude for [;Karolina](https://www.artstation.com/kbotko) and the gorgeou art she's been making for every chapter. To see the newest piece, you can check it out [here](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/8e5abq) in its full resolution. 
> 
> The tags have been updated so please check them if you are worried about coming across content that you don't like. 
> 
> Enjoy!

  
  
Gavin spends the remainder of the night stealing chaste kisses from Nines, at some point, tugging the android into bed with him, with a shy grin and a muttered excuse about it being too cold on the balcony. Nines follows, eager to indulge all of Gavin’s whims and fulfill a few of his own. With reddened cheeks and an awkward chuckle, Gavin rests his head on Nines’ shoulder, claiming that since Nines is using the sole pillow on his bed, Gavin’s got no other choice.

“If it is more comfortable, you may have your pillow back,” Nines offers, the telltale blue in his cheeks persisting since their first kiss. “I have no need for it.”

“Nah,” Gavin mumbles and settles more comfortably, curled on his side with an arm flung across Nines’ chest. “You use it, Tin Can. It would be, uh, rude or whatever, if I hogged it.”

“Of course, Gavin,” Nines whispers. His fingers are hesitant as they ghost over Gavin’s hair but when Gavin relaxes, Nines threads them gently through the ruffled locks. “Whatever is most preferable to you.”

“Gotta stop doing that, babe.” The slip of the pet name makes Gavin’s face burn scarlet and the brief pause before Nines continues brushing his fingers through Gavin’s hair is all the evidence Gavin needs that it didn’t go unnoticed by the android. “If you don’t wanna do something, you gotta say it. We don’t always gotta do what I want.”

“I...still struggle to formulate any personal desires,” Nines admits, quietly. The prolonged pauses Gavin detects each time Nines strokes his hair is more of the android’s awkward bashfulness. This is all new to him and it’s adorable to witness Nines’ nervousness when Gavin’s feeling just as shy. Still, it doesn’t stop him from coloring when Nines continues. “However, I know I  _ want _ to make you happy and any action that fulfills that objective is one I will pursue.”

Overwhelmed by the earnestness of Nines’ admission, Gavin mutters, “Fucking dork,” and hides his face in the soft fabric of the Henley Nines is wearing. Though his heart’s pounding hard, Gavin finds it easy to drift off, his lids becoming too heavy to keep open. It’s with his palm pressed flat to Nines’ abdomen, the quiet whirring of Nines’ thirium pump vibrating beneath the shirt, that Gavin falls into an easy sleep.

The rest of the week is roughly the same and by the fourth day of this, Gavin can’t decide if it’s more gratifying to fall asleep with Nines or to wake up to the gorgeous asshole and his sleep-tousled hair. For once, Gavin’s looking forward to mornings.

With drool drying at the corner of his mouth, Gavin groggily lifts his head and blinks into focus the handsome face whose shoulder he’s once again slept on. His neck’s paying for it but it’s worth the minor discomfort when that dull gray LED spins to a warm blue and Nines’ eyes open. There’s a tender smile on Nines’ lips as he carefully brushes aside the messy strands obscurely Gavin’s vision and Gavin can’t help but lean into the touch.

“Good morning, Gavin,” Nines whispers, “did you sleep well?”

And Gavin can’t say for certain what comes over him, why this morning is  _ different.  _ But he forgets his self-consciousness, hooks a leg around Nines’ thigh, and stretches up to kiss the android. It begins as a rough, tired kiss that grows hungrier as he feels Nines respond, the android’s arms snaking around Gavin and pulling the ex-cop closer. The slide of Nines’ tongue against Gavin’s elicits a small groan from him, heat pooling low in his chest. In mere days, Nines has gotten phenomenal at kissing, learning all the ways Gavin loves to have his mouth teased with the android’s lips and tongue. Gavin doesn’t think anyone has ever left him this breathless, this  _ aching _ for more.

With his growing erection pressing to Nines’ thigh, it’s easy to lose himself in his arousal and Gavin gently ruts against the friction Nines’ leg provides. But as Nines’ fingers brush beneath the hem of his shirt, the reality of  _ who _ he is dry humping hits him hard and Gavin rolls off of Nines, aware of and ignoring the note of confusion on the android’s face. Muttering, “Gotta take a leak”, Gavin’s out of his room too fast for Nines to begin to respond.

And, like every other time Gavin’s fought a hard-on from the android, Gavin fruitlessly tries to calm his dick down before he gives up and beats himself off. Cumming has rarely left him as miserable but he’s not about to fuck things up because his dick won’t behave.

Humiliated, he washes up and sits at the edge of the tub for some time, lingering in the bathroom to avoid a potentially awkward conversation. Nines has been gracious enough to not say anything the last few times Gavin’s done this but at some point, the android’s bound to make Gavin own up to the shit he does when he  _ thinks _ he’s alone. Gavin’s just not sure he’s ready for that yet.

Deciding he’s wasted enough time avoiding the inevitable, Gavin trudges into the kitchen. Nines is making breakfast, the android looking as content as he does every morning. But Gavin sees how Nines’ LED is telling a different story. So Gavin braces himself.

“I know scrambled is not how you normally prefer your eggs but I  _ wanted  _ to try something different this morning,” Nines says.

His LED returns to blue, the android giving Gavin a gentle smile. Gavin’s noticed how Nines likes to emphasize that word, as if he’s proud of himself for now being able to say it and mean it. It’s fucking dumb but a cute kind of dumb. Fucking adorable prick.

Seeing Nines’ happy expression, Gavin almost sighs in relief: if Nines is aware of what Gavin was doing, it seems like he doesn’t care enough to comment on it. Good.

Gavin grins and jabs Nines playfully in the ribs. “Getting creative in the kitchen, Tin Can? You know, just ‘cuz you’re cooking don’t mean I gotta eat it.”

“Then you can prepare your own food,” Nines retorts. 

His tone may be severe—Nines still hasn’t quite grasped playful humor—but Gavin knows the android’s teasing him. Fuck, it should be sad how much better Gavin’s gotten at reading the minute changes in the android’s face. No one should be this good at knowing what an android’s thinking when Nines’ expressions still remind Gavin how uncanny the valley can get. 

But fuck if Gavin isn’t a complete sap for Nines trying to express his emotions as seamlessly as other androids with superior social programming do. He keeps this thought to himself, even if part of him wants to voice it just to hear Nines ‘debunk’ the ‘superiority’ of other models. Maybe some other morning when he isn’t feeling as sentimental.

“I’m shit at cooking,” Gavin complains and does his best to look pitiful. “If you make me feed myself, I’m gonna starve or get food poisoning. Probably both.”

“That would be a tragedy.”

“Shut up,” Gavin says with faux irritation, elbowing the android. Maybe he should have poked fun at Nines’ dry humor.

Shrugging it off, he picks up a piece of scrambled egg off the pan, ignoring Nines as he warns, “Gavin, it’s hot.” Popping the egg into his mouth, Gavin chews on it and makes a sound of approval. 

“Tastes great, babe.”

The small smile Nines gives him, preening at the praise, is one Gavin will never get sick of.

As Gavin eats his breakfast, he watches Nines play with Goose. Goose is no longer in her kitten years but she still has bursts of energy and happily chases after the cat wand Nines teases her with. While Gavin would like to think Nines genuinely loves playing with her, he suspects that the android is also trying to spare the catnip plant from having more of its leaves eaten by the ginger tabby. He secretly admires the android’s commitment to saving the plant but Nines should know it’s a doomed cause.

Much later, when things have settled down and Gavin’s finished helping Nines fold and put away the laundry (it’s stupid how Gavin’s come to enjoy these moments of weird, domestic bliss and always volunteers to help Nines with the chores), he goes out on the balcony for a smoke. It’s much cooler today, a chill in the late September air that makes him shiver as he lights up the cigarette. Inhaling generously from the stick, he leans on the railing and exhales slowly, watching the thick stream of smoke that bleeds from his parted lips. Goose mewls and he tilts his head, smirking as he sees the cat back at her favorite activity. Nines isn’t going to like that.

Predictably, he senses the android behind him not seconds later and pictures the look of disapproval Nines must be wearing as he crowds the doorway. But instead of trying to shoo the cat off the balcony, Gavin feels Nines linger behind him.

“Somethin’ up, Tin Can?”

There’s a hesitation and then, the android’s warm voice is whispering in Gavin’s ear. He didn’t realize Nines was standing that close and it elicits a hot shiver from him. “There is something I have been researching that I would like to try. With your permission.”

Heat coils in his belly and Gavin unconsciously leans back, pressing himself to Nines’ hard chest. The android has him all but sandwiched between himself and the balcony railing and the part of Gavin that hungers for more of Nines’ touch isn’t complaining. “Yeah. What’s that?”

Instead of responding, Nines’ arms circle Gavin’s waist, the palms of his hands pressing flat against Gavin’s chest. Cool breath tickles Gavin’s neck—he once questioned why the fuck an android would mimic breathing but now indulges in how it makes his skin quiver in anticipation for whatever Nines intends—and when Gavin feels Nines’ lips kiss beneath his jaw, he releases an airy gasp. He fumbles with his cigarette as his response encourages Nines, who starts kissing a path along Gavin’s neck. Each press of the android’s lips to his skin leaves his flesh tingling, Gavin aching for  _ more. _ When Nines begins to mouth more confidently at Gavin’s pulse point, the ex-cop abandons finishing his cigarette, reaching a hand back to grip at the android’s hair. He gives it a sharp pull, whimpering as Nines suckles at the spot, his dick growing harder as Nines’ lips become more insistent.

“Ngh—Nines,” Gavin gasps, with a small whine. 

One of Nines’ hands trail lower, seeking the edge of Gavin’s shirt. When Gavin feels the android’s fingers slip underneath, ghosting the warm flesh of his abdomen, Gavin pushes up into Nines’ hand. His skin is hungry, neglected from months of self-pitying thoughts driving Gavin to his destructive behavior. Anytime something  _ good _ happens, he convinces himself he doesn’t deserve it. So having these quiet, self-indulgent moments with Nines almost requires him to retrain his brain to accept that sometimes, it’s _ okay _ to be happy.

But when Nines’ hand dips below the band of Gavin’s sweatpants, warning bells sound off in Gavin’s head. Like that morning, he maneuvers out of Nines’ embrace, muttering the first excuse that’s on the tip of his tongue. The sad look on Nines’ face goes against the voice of doubt screaming in Gavin’s brain. But Gavin’s soon running inside, shutting the bathroom door behind him, and breathing heavily as he falls against it. Many thoughts swirl in his head and he buries the most lewd ones before he’s had the chance to process just  _ how _ turned on he is. With a low exhale, he glances down at the tented fabric of his pants and groans.

Fuck, how many more of these is he gonna have to rub out before his fucking dick learns to stop doing this?

“Gavin,” a voice says, from the other side of the door.

_ Shit! _

Gavin stops palming his erection, hand dropping to his side. Voice thick, he answers, “Yeah?”

He hopes Nines isn’t scanning him because he really doesn’t know how he’s going to get around explaining this.

“Would you mind opening the door?” the android asks. “There is something I would like to discuss with you.”

Gavin’s stomach drops.

So much for avoiding this.

“G-Gimme a sec.”

Gavin swallows thickly, takes a shallow breath, and tries to calm the raging hard-on he’s sporting. But try as he might, he can’t get it  to settle down. So he shifts away from the door, standing in a way that he hopes makes it less obvious, and croaks out, “You can, uh, come in.”

The door opens and Nines seems to assess the situation before he steps inside. Gavin’s now cornered, with the android blocking the only way out. He can’t help but tense as Nines tries to meet his gaze, humiliation making him wish he could fold into himself and disappear. To put more space between him and Nines’ critical staring, Gavin shuffles back a few steps and scratches nervously at the scar across his nose.

“I notice you’ve been masturbating more since the start of our...romantic relationship,” Nines begins, though there’s hesitation in how he says the word ‘romantic’, as if he is still uncertain where him and Gavin stand. If Gavin’s honest, he’s also been too nervous to put a name to it. “Are you ashamed of being physically intimate with me?”

Gavin’s about to babble every excuse he has at his disposal, coloring at the mention of his ‘extracurricular’ activities in the bathroom. But when he hears Nines’ question, an icy sense of dread makes him do a double-take.

Nines thinks Gavin’s doing this because Gavin’s ashamed?

He wants to demand how Nines could think that but Gavin falters, recalling that the first few days with Nines had been rough  _ because _ of the hatred Gavin once had for androids. Hell, he still feels uncomfortable around the ones that aren’t deviant, carrying out scripted conversations and gazing at him with their lifeless eyes whenever Gavin has to shop at places with android personnel. So, it makes more sense than Gavin cares to admit that Nines would believe what he’s accusing Gavin of.

Being defensive is only going to make things worse. Seeing the devastated look on the android’s face, Gavin decides that he can’t stand the sadness that his previous prejudice  caused . So, he does what he should do and gets to the root of the cause. “It’s, uh, not you that’s the problem, babe. It’s me.”

Nines gives him a perplexed look.

...or maybe Gavin will meander his way to it. Whatever. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a fucking work in progress.

He sighs. Maybe he should have avoided what has to be the shittiest start to a breakup speech, especially since that’s not what he’s trying to do. “I, uh...I know you don’t have a dick. Or, you know,  _ parts _ ...down there...” He gestures awkwardly. “So I don’t want you to feel like you gotta do something ‘bout mine when it does shit like this.”

He shuffles his weight between his feet uncomfortably, part of him dreading how Nines will respond. He would hate to have those fears confirmed, to learn that all of Nines’ attempts to be more intimate with him were done solely for Gavin’s benefit. He doesn’t want to be like those assholes who buy TRACI units and use them to fill all their sick needs. It’s all fun until the novelty of fucking a machine incapable of saying ‘no’ wears off and then next thing you know, those TRACIs end up in an android scrap yard. 

It’s fucked up. And Gavin may think little of himself, but he  _ knows _ he’s better than that and that Nines deserves better. 

“You believe that since I am unable to experience, nor desire, sexual intercourse that I would be unwilling to give you pleasure,” Nines says, in what is more statement than question. “Gavin—”

“You said you want to do shit to make me happy,” Gavin blurts out, the tips of his ears feeling hot. “I just thought...look, I don’t want you to do shit for me if you’re only doing it ‘cuz  _ I  _ want you to.”

“Gavin...”

When Gavin doesn’t look at him, Nines steps closer, gingerly touching Gavin’s chin and tilting his face up so he has no choice but to meet the android’s eyes. There’s a warm, blue flush on Nines’ cheeks and it softens the android’s often cold appearance, making him even more human in Gavin’s eyes. “Now that I have deviated, I am well aware of the difference between what someone orders me to do and what I choose to do for myself.” The color in his cheeks deepens as Nines adds, with a whisper that crackles with statics, “And there is nothing I would like more than to pleasure you, with what limited tools I have available.” 

Gavin’s eyes drift to that hot mouth he’s kissed so often. The artificial feel of them against his own has long since stopped feeling so obviously  _ different. _ With Nines’ words in his head, he allows himself to imagine  _ what _ that mouth is capable of, even if the thought still leaves him a bit skeptical, worried he’s taking advantage of Nines’ affection for him. Experience has taught Gavin  _ nothing _ comes for free. But even if it remains a fear, Gavin believes that if there was anything he could do to make Nines as happy as Nines makes him, he would do it in a heartbeat.

“...you sure about that?” Gavin asks.

With his free hand, Nines gently laces his fingers through Gavin’s. Cupping Gavin’s cheek with his other, Nines’ lips linger until they are nearly brushing Gavin’s and the android whispers, softly, “There is nothing I have ever been more certain about: I  _ want _ to be with you, Gavin...in all the ways you’ll have me.”

His mouth is gentle as it brushes against Gavin’s, the tenderness of the kiss leaving a dizzying warmth in Gavin’s chest. With his heart pounding, Gavin reaches up to grasp the back of Nines’ neck, pulling the android closer as his lips become more insistent, deepening the kiss. That warmth bubbles to a scorching heat, the ache inside of him mildly sated when Nines’ tongue caresses Gavin’s own. With a gasp, Gavin releases the last of his trepidation, allowing one of Nines’ legs to part his thighs. Pressing against it, a tiny moan echoes in his throat. He wants more of that friction Nines offers and weakly grinds against the android, breaking off the kiss to pant softly in the android’s ear. From the corner of his eye, he sees a yellow blinking.

“May I remove this?” Nines whispers, a hand tugging at the hem of Gavin’s shirt.

Gavin nods, numbly.

The material slides up Gavin’s chest and he quite reluctantly takes a step back so Nines can pull his shirt off the rest of the way. Gavin’s ready to tug Nines in closer, eager to once more feel that firm body against his, but then he eyes the Henley the android’s wearing and decides that it really isn’t fair that he’s the only one who’s half naked. With a playful smirk, he pokes Nines in the chest and says, “You gonna take that off or you waiting for me to do it?”

Nines’ cheeks get bluer. “Are you not bothered by my body? Your reaction to the times you’ve witnessed me without clothing was somewhat...perplexing.”

“Huh?” Gavin thought his arousal had been so obvious. But just because his body had reacted, it doesn’t mean Nines has forgotten Gavin’s rudeness or forced disgust. “Christ, babe, you really think I wasn’t liking what I saw? I...fuck, you’re so goddamn perfect, I couldn’t stop thinking ‘bout how fucking gorgeous you are.”

A shy smile appears on Nines’ lips, the android gently caressing his thumb along the line of Gavin’s jaw. Gavin melts into Nines’ touch. “You also have quite attractive features for a human male, as I have noted before.”

A deep flush fills Gavin’s face. By now, he has to be matching Nines, red for blue.

“Calm down there, Casanova. You keep saying shit like that, and these pants’ll be comin’ off a lot sooner,” Gavin says, with a chuckle. His expression becomes serious, throat thick as he adds, quietly, “Fuck, you don’t know how many goddamn times I jerked off ‘cuz I wanted you so goddamn bad.”

“37 times,” Nines replies, without hesitation.

Gavin gawks at Nines and gives an uncomfortable cough. “...yeah, uh...guess one of us is keeping count...”

“Shall I remove this?”

The android indicates to his shirt. Gavin’s mouth goes dry, unable to voice his consent. After a long pause, he realizes Nines needs an answer and nods his head.

Nines pulls off his Henley effortlessly and Gavin almost forgets to breathe as the android unveils the milk-white skin of his chest. Dark freckles dot the android’s torso in a random pattern, one Gavin can’t stop himself from tracing as a trembling finger connects an invisible line between one on Nines’ clavicle and another on his pectoral. An odd static sound seems to emit from Nines’ throat and Gavin quickly draws his hand back. 

“It is alright, Gavin,” Nines says, looking incredibly bashful. He takes Gavin’s hand and presses his lips to a faded scar on Gavin’s wrist. Gavin feels his vision cloud. “You may touch me.”

So Gavin does, with his palm sliding over Nines’ skin. To his shock, some of the skin begins to retreat in that same way it does when androids interface. He nearly panics, thinking he’s somehow broken Nines. Wouldn’t that just be the icing on the cake? He can already imagine that call to Cyberlife:  _ “Hey, so I broke your android while feeling him up...” _

“Do not be concerned,” Nines assures him, perhaps sensing Gavin’s anxiety. The android appears embarrassed as he adds, “I...cannot control that. It may be caused by an unconscious desire to interface with you...”

“Oh,” Gavin mumbles, feeling just as shy. “It’s, uh…it’s alright...”

His hand trails lower, touching the hard abs that, for whatever reason, Cyberlife decided was imperative to Nines’ design. Gavin’s not complaining. The goddamn plastic is like something out of his wildest fantasies, as if one of their engineers plucked the image of male perfection from Gavin’s brain and crafted it into the android standing before him. Christ, Gavin never stood a goddamn chance from the moment Nines flew into his life.

“...c-can I take this off?” Gavin asks, his voice hoarse.

His fingers play with the band of Nines’ sweatpants.

“Yes,” Nines answers. The android leans a little closer and whispers, “But only if I may also remove yours.”

_ Fuck _

Gavin swallows roughly and then, with a shaky exhale, slides the pants down Nines’ thighs. His eyes follow the v-line to their inevitable end—a bare patch of smooth flesh, absent of any genital attachment—and Gavin’s dick throbs at the sight. It’s not that he  _ needs _ Nines to be anything other than what Nines is—just seeing the android fully exposed, his trusting gaze full of an affection Gavin’s still not convinced he deserves—is enough to make Gavin this aroused, this eager to be as good for Nines as Nines is for him. By the time the sweats reach mid thigh, they slide the rest of the way down Nines’ slim but muscular long legs. 

Now fully naked, Nines steps out of the pants pooled around his feet. Then, tilting Gavin’s head back, he kisses the ex-cop tenderly. As he’s being kissed, Gavin feels Nines’ hands tug at his sweats and within moments, they are joining Nines’ on the floor. 

His hands sliding down Nines’ back, Gavin maps the soft flesh beneath his palms. He’s eagerly pulled into Nines’ tightening embrace, desperate to feel Nines’ bare skin against his own. A shiver spills from his lips as his groin rubs against the android’s and Gavin feels what little tension remains melt away as Nines’ hands also begin their own exploration. There is uncertainty but curiosity in Nines’ touch as Nines caresses Gavin’s back, inching lower until they are ghosting over his ass. With a quiver, Gavin rests his head on Nines’ shoulder and kisses that mole he traced earlier on Nines’ collarbone. Even if he’s the most turned on that he’s been in days, Gavin is also just as content to soak in the warmth of Nines’ embrace.

“Would you prefer continuing this in your bedroom?” Nines asks. He noses at Gavin’s hair, leaving the barest of a kiss on top of Gavin’s head.

“...yeah,” Gavin breathes.

Taking Gavin by the hand, Nines leads him into his bedroom. The loss of the android’s body against his is felt so viscerally that the yearning percolating inside of Gavin is ready to explode. Yet, the part of his brain that is still fighting to process what is finally happening seems to only be able to repeat the same thought:  _ Shit, we’re doing this! It’s really fucking happening!  _ He’s not aware that they are actually in his bedroom until Nines is gently pushing Gavin down and the back of Gavin’s head falls on the sole pillow on his bed.

Pulling Nines down with him, Gavin feels that hunger reawaken and he’s tasting Nines’ lips once more, kissing him with wanton abandon. The slide of Nines’ body against his, gently moving on top of him as they kiss, is indescribable, better than the array of fantasy-induced images his mind constructed while touching himself. It’s only when his lungs threaten to burst from lack of air that Gavin breaks away to take greedy breaths, trembling when Nines turns his attention back to Gavin’s neck. Gavin can tell there will be marks and he hopes Nines leaves more dark bruises so that the memory of this night will remain on Gavin’s flesh for days.

Lifting his head, Nines stares into Gavin’s eyes with a warmth in his expression that flushes Gavin’s cheeks. With a coy smile, Nines asks, “Is there a particular way that you would like to be pleasured? I have researched a few methods but I may require some guidance as I do not have the appropriate programming for performing sexual activity.”

Gavin unconsciously wets his kiss-swollen lips, too flustered to answer. He knows  _ exactly _ what he wants Nines to do but asking is way too awkward. It’s different when it’s some asshole he matched with on a hook-up app. Who the fuck cares if Gavin’s crass bluntness pisses them off? But...this is  _ Nines. _

“Wh-what, uh, do you wanna try?” Gavin mumbles. 

The almost smirk Nines gives him makes Gavin think the android might not be as innocent as he suspected. “I believe you will find the use of my mouth most satisfying.”

He drags his fingers down Gavin’s chest, just barely grazing the dark hairs that trail from Gavin’s abdomen. His fingers stop in the dark curls surrounding the base of Gavin’s cock and Gavin’s breath hitches, waiting for Nines to touch his throbbing dick. But instead, the goddamn tease shifts his body lower, flitting his eyes demurely up to Gavin’s. Once content that he has Gavin’s full attention, he presses a chaste kiss to Gavin’s stomach.

“Shall I continue?” Nines asks, the words whispered against Gavin’s skin. 

Gavin exhales hard.

“Oh fuck yeah,” he utters, hoarsely.

As Nines’ fingers wrap around his cock, Gavin releases a sharp gasp. The sound must startle Nines, who studies Gavin for a moment, LED burning bright red at his temple. But then, the android visibly relaxes and gives the erection in his hand a careful stroke. Gavin’s hips rut upward, chasing the friction Nines provides, the android’s name a strangled whine that catches in his throat. Even with the dim light streaming through the crack in the blinds, Gavin catches the blue that deepens in Nines’ cheeks. 

“Th-that’s good, babe,” Gavin says, his voice cracking as Nines resumes stroking him. “You c-can, uh...use more pressure...” And Nines does, gripping Gavin more firmly as his hand slides up and down Gavin’s shaft. “Y-yeah, fuck, just like that.”

Nines builds a steady rhythm, one Gavin easily matches as his hips move up in time with Nines’ hand. The white beads that dribble from the tip of his cock slick up Nines’ palm and the slap of Nines’ hand moving on his dick drowns the quiet, bliss-filled moans that spill from his tongue. No one’s touched him like this in so long that losing himself in the sensations makes Gavin almost miss the kisses Nines peppers across his hip, the android’s mouth inching tantalizingly closer to its desired prize. It’s not until he feels a wet tongue collect the pre-cum that’s gathered at the head of his cock that Gavin remembers what it is Nines is intent on doing to him.

Head thrown back, Gavin groans loudly, his hips quivering. To his surprise, Nines slides an arm underneath one of Gavin’s legs and Gavin helps him by throwing his other leg over Nines’ shoulder. He shivers as the android licks the end of his cock, soon eliciting a series of unintelligible moans from him as Nines ravenously continues to collect everything that drips from the slit. Gavin’s growing so heady from Nines’ tongue, he can’t form a coherent thought. 

Curious, he lifts his head to see Nines settled quite comfortably between his thighs, those glacial eyes watching him with that same intensity Gavin’s often caught the android staring at him with. Nines then presses his lips to where he’d been licking, drawing the head of Gavin’s cock in deep enough to suckle on the tip. For someone with zero experience, the android’s hitting all the right notes, playing Gavin as easily as a musician with an instrument, making Gavin shudder and whimper for more of what that mouth is capable of.

Forever seeking validation, Nines pops his mouth off Gavin’s dick, a string of synthetic saliva threading from his lips to Gavin’s cock. With a hint of those nerves that keep holding him back, Nines asks, “Is this satisfactory?”

“It’s fucking great, babe,” Gavin says. His hips cant upwards, balls heavy from arousal. Seeing the sheen of Nines’ saliva on his dick only makes the ache that much more intense. “Keep going. J-Just, uh, no teeth.”

“Of course, Gavin,” Nines responds. There’s a smile on his lips that looks more devilish than it does innocent. “I would never intentionally hurt you...not unless you request it under the  _ right _ circumstances.”

And as the sneaky bastard begins sucking once more on Gavin’s dick, Gavin’s thrown into a pleasure-induced fervor, his hands gripping at the android’s hair. However, he can’t help note that Nines’ words are definitely worth revisiting later.

Fist pumping the base of Gavin’s cock, Nines’ mouth works with what the android’s taken in so far. He presses the flat of his tongue to the underside of the head, rubbing it against where the foreskin meets the tip. Gavin’s toes curl as Nines suckles ravenously, the combination of salacious slurping and the feel of his mouth working on the sensitive flesh making Gavin struggle to keep from blowing his load so soon. Nines has only just started and already Gavin’s feeling that anticipation build inside of him. Sure, it’s been forever, but his pride refuses to finish this quickly, even if the duration will mean little to the android. 

_ Fucking Christ, he’s so fucking good, _ Gavin thinks, fighting to not tug so roughly at the strands between his fingers.

The intensity is like nothing Gavin’s experienced in God knows how long and as Nines begins to bob on his cock, Gavin squeezes his eyes shut, throwing an arm over his mouth to muffle his cries. Despite his best efforts, he won’t be able to stop himself if Nines keeps going, his core brimming with heat like a spark ready to burst into an open flame. Just a little more…

A hand tugs his arm from his face, cock left wet and abandoned. His legs fall from Nines’ shoulders as the android shifts, staring at him. The cry Gavin tried to stifle echoes in the room and the protest is already sitting at the tip of his tongue, the ache between his thighs too painful to ignore. But anything Gavin had been about to say is dead in the air before his lips can form the words, the blue fire in Nines’ eyes freezing Gavin’s train of thought. Dribbles of saliva coat the android’s chin but it doesn’t diminish the power Nines exerts over Gavin in that moment. Anything Nines asks of him, Gavin knows he’ll not be able to deny him.

“If you wish for me to continue, do not cover your face,” Nines says. He drags his eyes meaningfully down Gavin’s torso before lifting back up to meet Gavin’s. Gavin’s left burning in their cerulean flames. “I  _ want _ to hear you and see you as I make you cum.”

Well... _ fuck. _

Nines tilts his head, his gaze sharp. “Is that understood, Gavin?”

Gavin’s too shocked to answer and weakly nods his head. 

Nines smiles and descends back to his task.

Fucking Christ, when did the plastic get this fucking hot?! Isn’t Gavin the one who should be giving him pointers?

But any further thoughts on the matter is forgotten as Nines slides his tongue up the length of Gavin’s cock. Gavin’s prepared to muffle his groans again but remembers what he agreed to, his hand instead gripping at the bed sheets. The fingers of his other tangle more firmly into Nines’ hair and as Nines positions himself to draw Gavin’s dick into his mouth, the ex-cop’s heart skips a solid beat. No. There’s no way he’s going to—

With hollowed cheeks, Nines slides down the entirety of Gavin’s cock, taking Gavin with an ease that would put most hooker’s tricks to shame. Gavin almost cums right then, the tip of his erection squeezed into the passage of Nines’ throat. The android’s nose is buried in the curls on Gavin’s groin, gray eyes cooler than steel as Gavin meets them. Nines’ name spills in a breathy exhale and when the android is appeased at hearing Gavin utter it like a worshiper’s prayer at their deity’s shrine, that is when the android starts moving, coming up half-way before sliding back down with a loud squelch.

Fuck. It feels so goddamn  _ good _ , Gavin’s thighs are quivering once more, a desperate, pulsating need building as he’s left to the mercy of Nines’ mouth. Each time he hits the back of the android’s throat, he’s dangled from the edge, yanked back roughly as Nines pulls back, like Gavin’s cast away upon a violent tide that threatens to drag him further and further from shore. Fucking androids and their lack of fucking gag reflexes, being so fucking good, Gavin’s already seeing colors dot his goddamn vision. He whines and tugs, thrusting up into Nines’ mouth because he  _ knows _ Nines can take it,  _ knows _ the asshole is equally torturing and pleasing him, bringing him to that final  _ push _ and preparing him to tumble into the abyss. Fucking asshole. Fucking goddamn, gorgeous prick—

“N-Nines, y-you f-fucking...so good...so fucking good,” Gavin babbles, not even sure he’s making sense. “F-fucking...oh fuck, I—I’m g-gonna—!”

His body tenses, bracing for the impact. The release is an explosion, a burst of warmth that rocks every one of his nerves, leaving him a shaking, incoherent mess as he spills down Nines’ throat. With tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, Gavin cries the android’s name, back arched and hips coming just off the mattress, emptying all he has to give into the hot cavern of Nines’ mouth. The android takes it, greedily drinking everything, until Gavin finally collapses back onto the sweat-damp sheets. Fucking spent.

Panting hard, Gavin sucks in air almost too quickly for his lungs to take, and watches blearily as Nines catches a dribble of cum that threatens to spill down his chin. Fuck, even eating cum, the android looks nothing but perfect.

“This was a bit more...messy than I expected,” Nines starts. Warm blue spins at his temple and the android wears a relaxed expression, maybe one of the most natural ones Gavin’s seen him make. “It was my first time implementing the techniques I researched online so if there is anything you wish for me to alter in the future...”

With a hoarse laugh, Gavin tugs Nines down to join him. Nines reclines on his side and though Gavin’s still breathing hard, he rolls to face the android, kissing Nines sloppily. He catches a taste of himself on Nines’ tongue and a moan echoes in his throat, lost in the kiss. Since Nines has no scent, no flavor—nothing to set him apart from another android—the only thing making this kiss different from any other they’ve shared is the taste of _Gavin_ on Nines’ mouth. The revelation makes Gavin feel a bit more possessive of Nines.

Settling back on his pillow, Gavin grins and attempts to tame the stray locks of hair his fingers mussed only minutes before. Nines wears a contented smile and leans in ever slightly to Gavin’s touch.

“Research, huh?” Gavin smirks. “The fuck did you do? Stream a shit ton of porn?”

“Essentially, yes.” At Gavin’s chuckle, Nines adds, “It was most informative.”

“Yeah, I’ll fucking bet.” It would be too easy for him to keep teasing Nines but in truth, Gavin feels a wave of affection for the effort Nines made to please him. Gavin wouldn’t complain if his afternoon was spent viewing porn, provided it’s the  _ right _ kind of porn, but it must have been frustrating for the android, who had to sift through the overabundance of it online and figure out what he felt Gavin would like. It only endears him more to Gavin. “Fuck, babe, why are you so good to me?”

He hugs Nines tightly, his sweaty skin pressing to unblemished, artificial flesh. He feels some of it recede in patches, as it had done earlier, as Nines returns the embrace, wrapping his arms securely around Gavin. Fuck the rest of the world; this is the only place Gavin wants to be.

“Because you deserve it, Gavin,” is the answer whispered near Gavin’s ear.

A tightness fills Gavin’s chest, vision prickling as he registers what Nines is saying. He’s ready to argue, ready to beat himself down because Gavin’s not used to holding himself to an esteem higher than the grime on his worn shoes. But maybe it’s enough that Nines believes this, even if Gavin never will.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Gavin wills the tears to retreat. Burying his face in the crook of Nines’ neck, a sudden surge of emotion makes him cling harder to the android. The fear of what’s to come leaves a toxic dread in his lungs, as if each breath, each moment, could be their last. Nines must sense the change that’s come over him because Gavin swears the android is gripping him tighter than he had not a moment earlier.

“Please, Nines,” Gavin whispers, his voice thick and on the verge of breaking, “don’t ever leave me.”

Gavin can’t go back to being as lost as he was all those weeks ago. He  _ can’t. _

There’s a significant pause. Without having to lift his head, Gavin can picture the way the android’s LED must be spinning, the only real indication of what goes on in his mind. Androids never lie. Their programming prevents it.

But Nines isn’t like most androids.

“I won’t, Gavin,” Nines responds. “I promise.” 

And though they both know there’s no way Nines will be able to keep that promise, sometimes, it’s nice to pretend. 

* * *

The days that follow are a blur to Gavin as each moment of happiness bleeds into the next, like one of those dorky romantic montages in a shitty rom-com. He steals as much of Nines’ attention as he can, sneaking kisses when the android cooks, distracting him with cuddles when Nines is playing with Goose (much to poor Goose’s irritation), and even dragging Nines into the shower with him in the mornings. Nines, for his part, seems amused that Gavin’s previous rules on ‘personal space’ have officially been abandoned and is only happy to indulge all of Gavin’s whims. 

In spite of the highly charged sexual tension Gavin had suffered from, the change in their relationship doesn’t mean that Nines is on his knees every time Gavin’s dick takes interest. To date, they’ve only done  _ that  _ twice and Gavin’s just as content to lay in bed with Nines, curled up at his side, and babbling about whatever random shit is on his mind. Goose sometimes joins them, purring where she rests not far from Nines’ head, always within reach for pets. It’s so goddamn domestic, Gavin would be disgusted with himself, if he wasn’t so fucking happy.

On the fourth day of this, after an extended romp in the shower—fuck, who knew androids’ tongues could do  _ that— _ Gavin takes his sweet time getting ready for the day while Nines goes off to start breakfast. It’s more or less the same pattern they’ve fallen into, with the added bonus of the occasional sexy interruption. By the time Gavin’s finished shaving and getting dressed, his breakfast is already set at the island. As hungry as Gavin is, he reaches for the coffee first, groaning when it hits his tongue. Fuck, does that hit the spot.

Glancing towards the balcony, Gavin chuckles. Nines is in full uniform, with his wings spanning the length of the balcony. One of the wings flaps in a slow up-and-down motion near Goose, who’s back to destroying what remains of the catnip plant. Goose, being the curious little shit she is, perks her head up and attempts to paw at the tip of a metal ‘feather’. Fucking dumb ass cat.

“You trolling my cat, babe?” Gavin asks, crowding the balcony’s entrance. 

Goose meows and props up on her hind legs to flick at Nines’ wing with her front paw. Nines glances sternly at the cat. “I have determined that  _ this _ is a more productive use of her time since it does not involve damaging the flora on your balcony.”

“Give it up, Tin Can: she’s gonna go back to it when you get tired of this shit.”

“I was designed to carry out  _ every _ task I am assigned, even those most humans would find particularly menial,” Nines retorts. “It is your cat who will get bored first.”

Gavin cocks a brow. “You seriously gonna play a game of chicken with my cat?”

Nines stops, the tip of his wing hovering a foot above the ground. Goose attacks it with both of her front paws as he gives Gavin a confused look. “...my method does not involve chickens, Gavin.”

“No, it’s—never mind.” 

Goose makes a low growl as Nines’ wing hovers out of reach once more. 

Sidling up to the android’s side, Gavin circles his arms around Nines’ waist, nosing at the android’s jaw. Maybe out of instinct, or an act of possession, the wing Goose isn’t attacking curls around Gavin, along with one of Nines’ arms. Gavin’s heart races faster. In a husky whisper, he asks, “What if I want you to come inside? You gonna tell me you’re too busy pissing off my cat?”

“I...suppose I would have no choice but to concede defeat,” Nines replies.

With his lips ghosting against the android’s, Gavin says, “Think your pride can take that?”

“I would endure the humiliation of being bested by a lesser creature if it means spending more moments with you.”

With red-tinted cheeks, Gavin mumbles, “You fucking sap,” and then kisses Nines, a soft, chaste kiss that the android deepens. When the kiss is broken, Gavin rests his head on Nines’ chest and then lightly smacks the android’s shoulder. “Also, don’t insult my cat. Goose is smarter than both of us.”

Dropping his chin on top of Gavin’s head, Nines retorts, “I question the criteria you are using to determine something’s ‘intellect’.” 

“Fuck you.” It’s said with no hostility, Gavin content to remain in the warmth of Nines’ arms. He knows his coffee and breakfast are both growing cold but he’s in no hurry to leave as he and Nines silently watch Goose continue to play with the android’s wing. There’s something to be said about the calm before any storm, how it never fails to manipulate its unknowing victims into a false sense of security. It’s as Gavin sighs happily, snuggling into Nines’ side, that he feels the first signs of change. He’s almost ready to dismiss the odd tension as his paranoia but when he glances up, there’s this blank expression on Nines’ face, the android’s LED blinking yellow.

With dread brewing in the pit of his chest, Gavin waves a hand in front of Nines’ face. The android blinks his eyes, as if needing that extra second to focus on what’s in front of him. Then, all of a sudden, his LED is blaring red.

“You okay there, Tin Can?” Gavin asks, nervous for the android’s answer. To try and defuse his trepidation, he adds, with forced humor, “You run outta juice or somethin’?”

The pause that follows leaves a tension thick enough for Gavin to choke on. Goose must sense it too because she stops her futile attacks on Nines’ wing and makes a soft mewling sound. Without saying anything, Nines disentangles his arms from around Gavin, stepping back to fold the ends of his wings closer to himself so that they no longer occupy most of the balcony. Looking at the ground between their feet, Nines furrows his brows and Gavin sees the hint of a frown form on the android’s lips. 

“I was making a report to Cyberlife,” Nines says, quietly. When he lifts his eyes to Gavin’s, the sadness Gavin sees in them makes his stomach drop even before Nines utters what Gavin knows is coming next. “I am to return to Cyberlife  _ immediately.” _


	7. Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin and Nines argue over what Nines should do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for all of your wonderful comments and support of this fic. It's a little hard to believe that this is it but I hope all of you have enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. For those of you interested in checking out more works from the Reed900 RBB event, you can go to the [Tumblr](https://reed900reversebigbang.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Reed900RBB) pages. Please don't forget to send love to other amazing creators for all their hard work.
> 
> Special thanks, and tons of virtual hugs, to [Plenicelune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plenicelune/pseuds/Plenicelune) for beta-reading. Thank you so much for dedicating nearly two months of your time to edit each chapter. It was a big commitment and I know you are a busy person so taking a bit of time to help me with this fic has meant a lot to me. 
> 
> Also, a big thank you, and lots of virtual hugs, to the artist, [Karolina,](https://www.artstation.com/kbotko) for creating all the gorgeous artworks featured in this fic. You went above and beyond what was expected and I don't think I've thanked you enough for trusting me with your idea and letting me turn it into a fic. I hope my headcanons for your winged RK900 met all your expectations. Thank you again for all your hard work and for keeping me on the edge of my toes every time I waited to see what other scenes you created for the updates. You are truly amazing :). For everyone wishing to see the latest artwork in full resolution, please check out Karolina's page [here](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/8e5abq). 
> 
> For those of you who would like to avoid certain triggers, please check the updated the tags. For those of you wishing to read without spoilers, proceed at your own risk.
> 
> Thank you everyone for making this event as wonderful as it's been <3

_I am to return to Cyberlife_ **_immediately._ **

The words echo in Gavin’s head, a crescendo that rings sharper the more he fixates on what this all means. It’s as if a knife is twisting in his gut, ripples of pain that makes each dull thud of his heart feel as if it’s smashing against his rib cage. The devastation on Nines’ face somehow makes it worse and Gavin squeezes his eyes shut, forces his lungs to take in air as panic seizes them. 

He always _knew_ this day would come. There was a time when he wanted nothing more than for Nines to fuck off back to the lab that had assembled him. But now, so much has changed.

Exhaling shakily, Gavin opens his eyes and forces the frown from his face. It’s a struggle to not break down completely.

“You, uh, gotta leave right now?” 

“Yes,” Nines confirms, his voice quiet.

A stupid question. But the affirmation is no less shattering.

Blinking away the tears that begin to cloud his vision, Gavin clears his throat. Trying to keep his voice steady, he asks, “Wh-when, uh, will you be back?”

The red at Nines’ temple burns brightly. “I...cannot be certain. Cyberlife has not provided the reason for my return. My best assumption is that they may wish that I undergo maintenance, since I have not physically returned to the facility in two months. If that is the case, it could take anywhere from a few hours to a few days, depending on how thorough they are.”

Gavin relaxes slightly. Still, he cannot quite bury the foreboding feeling that weighs heavily on him, makes him regard Nines’ assumption with deep suspicion. Maybe it’s a lifetime of shit going south for him that makes him question everything.

“How often do you Tin Cans go in for that?”

“More often than you might assume,” Nines explains. “The RK series are prototypes and most of the models service the local and federal government. I cannot simply seek assistance at a Cyberlife store if any of my parts need replacing.”

Gavin bites his lip, chewing for a moment on the chapped skin. “You, uh, sure this isn’t ‘bout, um... _us?_ ”

Nines frowns. Though the android seems sad, he doesn’t seem worried. Then again, Nines isn’t the best example of someone who expresses everything he’s feeling. Gavin’s learned to read Nines’ micro expressions but there’s so much that goes on in the android’s head that he’ll never be able to understand. “I have no reason to believe they suspect my... _deviancy._ ” Nines utters that word carefully, as if not quite comfortable using it to describe himself. “As long as I give them no reason to doubt my loyalty, it should not become an issue.”

Though said like Nines is stating an objective truth, Gavin senses a hesitation Nines is not owning up to. Doubt is an ugly thing and if there’s even a hint of that, there’s no way in hell Gavin’s letting Nines fly off to Cyberlife HQ.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go.”

If he’s hoping to assert any control in the situation, he fails pathetically as it comes off more like a whiny plea.

“I do not have a lot of _choice_ ,” Nines says.

Gavin’s a little shocked to hear the hint of an edge in his tone. Nines is good at keeping his cool and this is all the evidence he needs that Nines is more unsettled than he’ll admit.

“Why the fuck not?” Gavin snaps. He shouldn’t be snapping, shouldn’t be getting angry at Nines for being caught between his creators and his...whatever the fuck Gavin is to him. 

He startles at realizing that he doesn’t even have an answer to that. What _are_ they? 

Gavin wishes he had an answer but he’s been so caught up in the delirium of just being with Nines that he never stopped to think about what they are to each other. It’s one of those conversations they _need_ to have, much like there’s a library of film and shows on his laptop that Nines needs to watch with him. Fuck, there’s so much they haven’t done together and those assholes at Cyberlife are trying to take this from him. 

“You can think for your fucking self, right? So why the fuck would you choose to be those assholes’ favorite Tin Can bitch?!” Gavin’s voice cracks mid rant and he sniffles, pretending to scratch at his nose like _that’s_ the source of his irritation. It goes unsaid but what Gavin’s really asking is, _why the fuck would you choose_ **_THEM_ ** _over_ **_ME?_ **

But if deviancy comes with the freedom for Nines to be who he is, it also comes with the freedom to express how angry Gavin’s accusation makes him. Gavin sees it in the tiny frown that tugs at the corner of Nines’ lips and the way his brows begin to furrow. 

“You should be aware that I have a _tracker_ ,” Nines replies, taking on a level of condescending Gavin’s never heard from him before. “If I _disobey_ and fail to report to Cyberlife, they will find me and they will know that I am capable of rejecting any directive they assign me. I cannot say with any certainty what they will do to me if it escalates to that point.”

Gavin could argue, could sneer at Nines for ‘making up shit’ to bail on him like everyone else in his life has. But though Nines might be annoyed to have his agency questioned, there’s an underlying fear Gavin doesn’t miss.

If Nines ignores the order, who knows what Cyberlife will do to him. 

With Nines’ frigid words hanging in the air, the tension between them thickens. But Gavin soon deflates, coloring as he realizes how moronic he’s being. Unable to keep the android’s gaze, Gavin looks down at his feet, feeling stupid that he’s letting his paranoia get him this worked up. Of course his fucking brain is trying to sabotage his happiness, make him panic and start an argument. All because he can’t go a few fucking days without Nines.

He sniffs and wipes at his eyes, feeling more and more like a child who’s just thrown a tantrum. To his shock and embarrassment, Nines lifts Gavin’s chin and where Gavin expects to be met with anger, he sees instead a sad smile on Nines’ face. His heart thumps.

“You must know that there is nothing that would make me want to leave you,” Nines whispers. There’s a flush of blue in his cheeks as he adds, softly, “You matter more to me than I could ever hope to express.”

Nines doesn’t say it but he doesn’t have to. Gavin knows _exactly_ what Nines means.

“...fucking androids,” Gavin mutters to hide his embarrassment. He wouldn’t be him if he didn’t ruin a moment.

“Fucking humans,” Nines retorts. 

Gavin’s eyes widen. Fuck, could he love this plastic prick anymore?!

“In my report, I informed Cyberlife that you are no longer a suicide risk but that you require my ‘ongoing care’ for your mental well being,” Nines says. “This means that I should be returning to you once I am finished at Cyberlife. I do not intend on breaking my promise to you, Gavin.”

Tenderly, the android strokes the line of Gavin’s jaw with his thumb, Nines developing a small fascination with the stubble that grows in after Gavin’s gone a day without a shave. Gavin’s flush deepens and he tugs Nines down the rest of the distance, kissing him firmly. Gavin’s lips are rough but insistent, saying everything he’s too chickenshit to admit out loud. He relaxes into the arms that envelop him, in those wings he feels fold around him as Nines hides their moment of intimacy from anyone curious enough to wonder what in the hell a winged android is doing on some asshole’s balcony. It makes it harder to break away when Gavin’s smoker lungs cut their kiss short, the ex-cop forced to breathe in heavily the air he’s been denying them. Even worse, it means that moment Gavin’s been dreading has finally arrived.

“You better fucking come back to me,” Gavin pants against Nines’ lips. “I fucking mean it, Nines.”

Nines kisses him once more. It’s gentle and chaste but filled with such affection that Gavin wonders how the fuck he wasted so many of his years thinking androids are cold, heartless machines. It could be their last but Gavin forces that thought from his brain.

It won’t be. It _can’t._

“I will, Gavin,” Nines says. “I _promise._ ”

And then Nines is off, wings flapping as he ascends. With a final, lingering look, the android glances down at Gavin before turning towards the direction he needs to go. He flies off and Gavin watches him, blinking back his tears, until the android is but a speck in the distance.

Gavin won’t cry. There’s no need to. Nines _is_ coming back.

All Gavin needs to do is wait.

* * *

That first night without Nines is strange. The bed feels larger, emptier without more than 6 feet of plastic warming the space beside him. Gavin forgets that not two weeks ago, he was sleeping alone in his bed. As he restlessly tries to push the anxious thoughts out of his mind, he decides that when Nines comes back, he’s never letting him sleep on the balcony again. Fuck what Petunia and Delores want.

By day two, Gavin’s looking for anything to keep himself from cracking. He goes out and buys a new catnip plant, facing away after he catches the florist’s blinking LED. Being around other androids only makes the ache more visceral. He pays without saying a word. 

At home, he sets the plant on the counter. It takes all of thirty seconds before Goose hops up and eyes the plant. As she saunters closer, no doubt ready to inflict the same destruction on it as she had with the one on the balcony, Gavin reprimands her. 

“Oh no you don’t, you li’l shit,” he says, with a watery smile. He shoos the cat off the counter. “Go chew on the one Nines gave you. This one’s his.”

Goose mewls sadly at Gavin’s feet. He’d like to think the cat also misses the android but most likely, she’s upset that Gavin won’t let her chew on Nines’ plant. Little furry asshole.

Deciding the plant isn’t safe in his kitchen, Gavin takes it to the bathroom and places it on the windowsill. It’s high enough that Goose can’t hop up and destroy the plant when Gavin’s not paying attention. He wistfully touches the leaves, picturing the soft smile Nines will make when Gavin gives him the plant.

Any day now.

By day three, Gavin lets the nagging paranoia creep deeper in his head. He doesn’t eat, takes his medication hours after he’s supposed to, and he wastes the better part of the morning laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling. Unable to focus on anything else, he lets his thoughts run wild with everything that could be happening to Nines. It drags him into a pit of helplessness he hasn’t crawled into for months now. Nine could be _hurt_ and all Gavin can do is uselessly trace the cracks in his ceiling with his eyes.

To keep from being pulled at the seams by his reckless thoughts, he later gets up and obsessively conducts Google searches on his laptop. He looks up how long it takes to conduct maintenance checks on androids. What he finds is no more satisfying, with users complaining in different forums that it could take weeks before they receive their androids back from Cyberlife HQ. However, it does bring Gavin some relief knowing that it can be some time before Nines returns, if he doesn’t obsess over the fact that he has no clue _why_ Cyberlife ordered Nines to return.

He barely sleeps that night and by the next day, he’s running on post-panic attack adrenaline and coffee. Not knowing what the fuck else he can do, he calls a multitude of Cyberlife customer service lines. Hours of being put on hold and redirected all over the facility _finally_ gets him in touch with someone who is somewhat willing to be fucking useful. Gavin’s near ready to tear his hair out at that point and will if he has to once more hear that automated message that Cyberlife is “currently experiencing a high volume of calls”. Did everyone’s fucking android decide to break on the same day?!

“—and whom am I speaking with?”

“Gavin Reed,” Gavin says, fighting to keep his voice even. 

Christ, it’s been more than two hours now. How many more assholes are going to ask him his fucking name?!

“...as part of our security policy, I will need either the location of and receipt number from the Cyberlife store where you purchased your android, or you will need to provide the model and serial number of the unit currently undergoing maintenance,” the woman says. “Each android has a unique serial number assigned to their registered owner at the time of purchase and we require it to confirm the identity of the caller.”

Gavin exhales in frustration. “...for the last goddamn time, I don’t fuc—um, know any of this shit. Like I told the last guy, the Feds gave me Nines. He’s one of the RK prototypes—an RK900.”

There’s a pause on the phone and Gavin’s about to snap at her when the woman says, “The RK series is not available for purchase on the market. I cannot speak for the circumstances in which you received services from an RK model, nor am I able to assist you if you are not the registered federal agent of the RK model you are inquiring about. I sincerely apologize, sir.”

“N-No! Don’t hang up!” Gavin says, panic making his voice hitch. “I—I just need to know if Nines is okay! He’s an RK900 and he’s dorky as fuck and he makes these shitty jokes and—” He cuts off his own babbling, realizing this will mean nothing to her. “He went into Cyberlife on Tuesday and—and I have no fucking clue why—”

“Again, I apologize Mr. Reed but there is nothing I can do to help you,” the woman tells him. “ _If_ you had the android’s serial number, the engineering department may be able to answer your questions. However, if you are not working on behalf of the federal government, then Cyberlife is not at liberty to respond to your inquiries.”

Every fiber in him wants nothing more than to shout abuse at her for the colossal waste of time this has been. But Gavin knows that it won’t make him feel any better. With restraint that surprises him, he mutters a ‘thanks anyway’ and ends the call. His eyes sting, filling with angry tears, and with a sigh of defeat, he falls back against the fridge, sliding down to the floor.

_It’s not fucking fair,_ he thinks, angrily wiping away the tears that trickle down his cheeks.

Goose meows, rubbing against his side. With great care, Gavin lifts her and sets her in his lap, sniffling as he pets her. Her purring doesn’t take away his sadness but there’s something soothing about the small vibrations, making the hollowness in his chest feel a little less empty. As he continues to stroke her, he admits, quietly, “I miss him so much.”

Goose mewls. Maybe she does, too. 

After another night of driving himself crazy, Gavin decides that he needs some answers. If he can’t get them from Cyberlife, he’ll just have to go somewhere else.

That’s how he finds himself at the DPD, nervously tapping his knee as he sits in the reception area. The ST300—a new model that replaced the 200 who used to work the front desk—said Anderson would be by in a few minutes. Knowing Anderson’s habit of showing up whenever the fuck he wants, Gavin’s not holding his breath.

As he waits, he tries not to let this nagging feeling get away with him but he begins to wonder about the ST200. Did she get sent back to Cyberlife? Did Fowler scrap her? Why the fuck was she replaced when last Gavin remembers, there was nothing fucking wrong with her?

Fuck, why is he letting this shit get to him _now_?!

“Christ, it really is you,” Anderson says, startling Gavin out of his thoughts. The lieutenant stares down at Gavin in disbelief. “When Connor told me, I thought his processor must be broken. Un-fucking-believable.”

“My processor is operating at optimal functionality. If it wasn’t, I would have formally requested a maintenance check at Cyberlife,” Connor cuts in, looking somewhat annoyed.

Gavin’s hackles are up, scowl already on his lips. The DPD’s resident drunk and his know-it-all plastic partner. Why did he think this wasn’t going to be irritating as fuck?

Standing up out of his chair, Gavin tries to make himself look like he’s not here for Anderson’s brand of bullshit, and crosses his arms over his puffed up chest. He’s not winning any height contests against them but maybe if Gavin’s his usual irascible self, Anderson will cut the ‘too old for this shit’ act and be fucking helpful. Not that Gavin’s placing any bets on Anderson doing just that. But hey, there’s a first time for everything. 

“Good fucking morning to you too, Anderson,” Gavin sneers. “Fowler still letting you drag your hungover ass in whenever you fucking feel like it?”

“If you must know, the lieutenant has reduced his lateness to but minutes _after_ the start of his shift,” Connor cuts in, giving Gavin a cool but indifferent look. “The tardiness is...a work in progress but it is _progress._ ”

“Thanks, Con,” Anderson says, sarcastically. “Can always count on you to have my back.”

“I was both defending and criticizing you, Lieutenant.”

“...every goddamn time,” Anderson mumbles, with a shake of his head. “You’re worse than my wife.”

“I only made an observation,” Connor retorts. The android’s LED swirls to yellow and he takes a scan around the room, wearing a subtle frown. “Mr. Reed, where is your android, RK900?”

Gavin winces as if he’s been slapped. He shifts his weight uncomfortably between his feet. “He, uh, is at Cyberlife.”

Maybe because Anderson’s a prick but not completely ignorant to Gavin’s obvious discomfort, the lieutenant steers the conversation in another direction. “Is there a reason you’re here, Reed? I’m guessing it’s not because you miss how ‘charming’ I am before I’ve had my morning coffee.”

“I would not characterize you as charm—oh,” Connor interjects. The android looks noticeably embarrassed. “You are making a joke.”

Connor silences himself, which saves Gavin the trouble of having to do it for him. No amount of time or changes in Gavin’s life make him want to punch the annoying prick any less. Add the growing flush on Gavin’s face now that Connor’s brought up the one subject Gavin was hoping to avoid and the urge to introduce his fist to the asshole’s face has never been stronger.

“If the plastic’s done talking, I’m here cuz...uh...” Gavin’s voice trails off and he scratches at his nose. He glances around cautiously and then says, in a loud whisper, “I was wondering ‘bout... _deviants_.”

Anderson tenses and Connor studies Gavin with that same intensity that reminds him eerily of Nines. So much so, Gavin avoids holding the android’s gaze.

There’s an audible beat, a tension that thickens when Connor exchanges a look with Anderson. Connor’s the first one to break the silence.

“Gavin,” the android starts. He says it the same way Nines does, when Nines is trying to gently reprimand Gavin. “I understand that you may believe you have privileges because you worked here—”

“Fucking worked here?” Gavin scoffs. “I gave this place fourteen years of my fucking _life_! So don’t you fucking speak to me like—!”

“Keep it down, Reed,” Anderson whispers harshly, eyeing the receptionist who is watching their exchange with interest. “If you want our help, don’t get thrown out by starting a goddamn scene.”

“You intend for us to help him?” Connor says, frowning. “Lieutenant, we have orders that prevent us from discussing the case with anyone not directly involved—”

“What do you wanna know?” Anderson asks, speaking above Connor. It temporarily shuts up his partner, who’s wearing a displeased look on his face.

He can suck a dick.

“What, uh, happens to them—the deviants—after you guys find ‘em?”

“The ones that don’t kill themselves?” Anderson says, like this is already common knowledge. “They get sent back to Cyberlife and we get an earful of bullshit about how Kamski’s ‘looking into it’. They’re gonna have a damn crisis on their hands if they don’t get their shit together.”

“Lieutenant,” Connor warns, though Anderson merely rolls his eyes.

“What? Everyone’s gonna find out soon enough.”

“That does not mean you need to contribute to the rumors—”

“Hey, if you two lovebirds are finished arguing,” Gavin cuts in, rudely. Anderson glares at him while Connor starts protesting that there is nothing “romantic” about their partnership. Gavin’s not in the mood. “Yeah, yeah. Got that. Don’t fucking care. Can we get back to the fucking point?”

“I’m not sure what else you need from us, now that you’ve made us violate our orders—”

“Christ, pull that stick outta your ass for two seconds, Toaster: I’m getting to that,” Gavin snaps at Connor. He turns back to Anderson, making it clear that unless the tin can has something useful to add, he’s going to pretend Connor’s not even in the room. “So, you send ‘em to Cyberlife but what happens _after_ they get there? Do they get reset or some shit?”

Anderson doesn’t answer, shrugging and muttering, “Fucked if I know” when Gavin stares pointedly at him. Connor, however, has reached his limit.

“I believe this is the _end_ of our discussion,” Connor says, with a hint of irritation. “There’s nothing further we can say on deviants—”

“What does Cyberlife do with ‘em?”

Connor turns to Anderson, wearing an unreadable expression. If Anderson’s question catches him off guard, Gavin and Anderson have no way of knowing. Nothing beats an android’s poker face.

“You’re always reporting to Cyberlife, following up on each case,” Anderson continues, “if anyone would know, it’d be you, Con.”

“I don’t understand where your sudden interest in Cyberlife is coming from...” 

“Let’s try this again: I’m asking you, as the goddamn lieutenant of this investigation, _what_ happens to the deviants we send back to HQ?” 

Connor stands a bit stiffly—normal for an android but Gavin gets the impression this is not so normal for Connor. It’s obvious he doesn’t want to answer. Gavin doesn’t get what the big deal is but there’s an unmistakable tension between Connor and Anderson, something he’s guessing has been there for a while.

“...they are studied and once Cyberlife has learned all they can, the units are destroyed,” Connor answers. “There have been... _attempts_ to fix them _._ But as of yet, there’s no way to eliminate the deviancy code once it has infected an android. Therefore, Cyberlife has no choice but to perform a complete wipe and incinerate the components that have been infected.”

A look of disgust appears on Anderson’s face. Gavin, however, is slower to react. It takes longer for the words to sink in, disbelief and then fear causing a coldness to silently creep through every inch of him. In but a handful of words, his entire world shatters. His worst fears are being realized and all he can do is numbly watch the argument that unfolds next.

“You mean to tell me we’ve been sending these androids to a _fucking_ incinerator?” Anderson whispers angrily. He seems to struggle to keep his voice down. “What the hell’s wrong with you, Con? How are you okay with this?”

“What Cyberlife does with the deviants is _not_ my decision,” Connor retorts. “We have our orders. All I am doing is following them.”

“I guess it’s only murder when it bleeds red,” Anderson says, with a sneer.

They stare each other down and if Gavin wasn’t fighting to keep from having another breakdown, he’d wonder when in the fuck Anderson started giving a shit. If anyone at the DPD had been more anti-android than Gavin, it would have been Anderson.

But all Gavin’s brain can do is imagine Nines being burned alive, a horrifying thought that loops on repeat in his head. Flames that lick at that flesh Gavin’s touched and kissed, destroying the synthetic fluid that makes up his skin, melting him down until Nines is nothing more than charred components. 

Nines may be dead. And Gavin, fucking moron that he is, let the asshole fly right into Cyberlife’s trap.

“Is this about RK900?”

Gavin freezes.

His reaction is all the fuel Connor needs. “If your android has deviated, the _right_ thing to do would be to file a police report—”

“Jesus Christ, Con, his android’s _not_ a deviant,” Anderson protests. “Stop fucking changing the subject!”

“I’ve only made a deduction based on Gavin’s line of questioning—”

The two continue to argue, quietly but heatedly, on the ethics of their investigation. Gavin, who’s had enough, mutters something about ‘having shit to do’ and leaves the arguing pair. But on the elevator down, he clutches at his chest, fights to keep himself poorly put together with what fragments of his resolve remain.

Hot tears slip down his cheeks.

Nines is dead. And Gavin did _nothing_ to prevent it.

* * *

Gavin stops eating. He stops taking his medication. He stops trying to sleep and only does so when it comes at the point of absolute exhaustion. He unravels, falls off the path to getting his life back together, because there’s no point to any of this anymore. The days bleed into one another, each starting and ending the same. His birthday passes without any fanfare, the single text and call he receives from Tina going ignored. The only reason he gets out of bed is so he can feed Goose because he may be a worthless piece of crap, but she doesn’t deserve to be put through his bullshit. Nothing else matters.

He’s not sure how long this goes on for as he watches himself slowly wither. Everything that was once colorful now bleeds gray. There are only so many times he can watch the same shows, smoke through packs of cigarettes, and stare emptily at his ceiling, wondering with slivers of hope if today will be the day he’ll crawl out of bed to Nines cooing at pigeons on his balcony.

Eventually, he stops hoping.

And then, he just _stops._

The evening air is crisp and Gavin sucks in a lungful as he stands at the building’s ledge. He stares over it, determines whether it’s high enough to do the deed and end this monotonous cycle once and for all. He’s fallen from here before, caught by Nines when that burglar pushed him. He believed it was enough to kill him then so it should be enough to do it now. 

Perhaps out of some fucked up sentimentality, he’d toyed with going back to where all this shit started: the Ambassador Bridge. But the stamp in his passport means customs won’t let him back through and with the river there’s more of a chance he’ll survive the plunge. 

No. If he’s doing this, he’s doing it _right._

Pulling his phone from his pocket, he types up a message to Tina and sends it to her. Asks her to check on Goose if she doesn’t hear from him later tonight. Chen’s the only one he trusts to give Goose the commitment Gavin’s failed to give her. Lord knows she’s earned the chance to have a good home.

Satisfied that his last loose end is taken care of, Gavin puts his phone on silent and slips it in his pocket. He takes one last look around him, one final breath. If the neighborhood wasn’t in such a rundown state, it might be a nice view. There was a time that the skyline of Detroit was a symbol of opportunity, a modernized metropolis that propelled the city to a brief period of growth, riding on the coattails of Cyberlife’s success. Now, it’s the skeletal remains of all its wasted potential. 

Exhaling, he pushes his musings from his mind and instead is warmed by the memory of soft eyes and a tender smile. He remembers it as stark as the bite of the air on his cheeks, the feeling of kisses and promises whispered to his flesh. Memories so saturated in color, they seep into the scene before him. 

Unafraid, Gavin leaps from the edge. It’s all familiar to him now, the moment of suspension before the inevitable rush of air as gravity kicks into gear. For all of a moment, he reaches for the sky with outstretched fingertips. But he’s not foolish enough to believe he can touch it. Life has taught him his limits.

And so, he falls, plummeting hard towards the earth. Towards the _end_ of a lifetime of abandoned dreams and bitter disappointment. But in all that darkness stretched across the images racing through his scattered thoughts, a weak beam of light shines through it all. A warm circle of blue he’s seen cycle whenever Nines was happy.

Suddenly, dying never seemed less scary. 

Bracing for impact, Gavin shuts his eyes. But as the wind whistles past his ears, he swears he hears the quiet flutter of metal wings. 

And then, he does something more dangerous than dying: he hopes _._

To Gavin’s shock, a pair of arms wrap around him, enveloping him, clutching him against a firm chest. The air’s no longer whipping past his ears, the only sound the gentle flap of those metal wings as the android slows their descent. By the time Gavin’s feet are touching solid ground, his vision prickles and the whole world becomes a vivid blur. Gray eyes stare into his, making Gavin’s heart pound faster.

He _knew_ Nines would never let him fall. 

“Nines!” Gavin gasps out, hugging the android tightly. “Y-You came back! Y-You fucking came back! I—I thought...”

His excitement dies away as he realizes something is quite _off_ with Nines. Instead of hugging him back, the android stares down blankly at him, his LED spinning yellow. Gavin feels a gut-wrenching ache low in his chest as Nines stares at him, as if uncertain of how to respond.

...but, this isn’t Nines. Gavin _knows_ it isn’t.

Reeling back, tears spill down Gavin’s cheeks and he chokes down a pained sob. When the android attempts to reach for him, Gavin stumbles back a few paces, refusing to let this—whatever it _is—_ touch him.

“Mr. Reed—”

“Where’s Nines?!” Gavin demands, his voice cracking.

The RK900 takes one of those infuriatingly long pauses. With each passing second, Gavin feels another piece of him shatter. 

_No._ As if Cyberlife sent him a different one. 

“H-He fucking _promised me_!” Gavin clutches at his chest, trembling with a kind of hurt he can’t put into words. He fights to breathe, fights to process what is happening. He doesn’t want any android that isn’t _his_ Nines. “H-He fucking said he wouldn’t leave me!”

He goes to shove the RK900, only to have the RK900 stop him. It stares at him with its unchanging expression, as cold and unfeeling as Nines had been that first time they met. Then it explains, calmly, “The RK900 you called ‘Nines’, serial number 313 248 317 -87, was defective. It had to be deactivated. I am its replacement.”

There’s an odd ringing in Gavin’s ears as he falls back against the wall behind him. It’s confirmation of what he deduced. No matter how much he’s silently begged for Nines to return to him, this is somehow worse than anything Gavin could have imagined: it doesn’t matter if it looks and sounds like Nines. It isn’t fucking the _same_. 

The RK900 says more but its voice becomes a distant sound as Gavin’s chest tightens and the flood he’s been holding back unleashes. He cries and cries as Connor’s words play in his head. 

For all of a few minutes, Gavin wanted to believe his luck had changed. But, who’s he fucking kidding?

Nines really is _gone._

“I understand if you need time to process the new arrangement,” RK900 says, monotonously. The android looks around, most likely doing one of its scans. Then says, “We should continue this conversation at your home. You are in shock and should sit down before your condition worsens and I have no choice but to contact emergency services.”

Maybe it’s the thing’s way of showing some fucking empathy for the breakdown Gavin’s having. Gavin can’t be sure. All he wants is to rail and scream at the RK900, demand that Nines be brought back, take out all his grief and anger on the nearest thing he can punch. But as the android gently guides Gavin away from the wall, the adrenaline Gavin’s been running on empties, the last of the fight leaving him. He trudges along numbly, following in the android’s shadow, wiping at his nose and eyes.

It’s not like he expects it to actually give a fuck anyway.

Back at his apartment, RK900 begins to tidy things up, listing off all that same bullshit Nines had the first night he brought Gavin back from the bridge. Gavin doesn’t have the energy to tell the impostor to stop touching his shit, merely ignores the android as he works. All the memories strewn around his apartment and this fucking asshole is moving shit around like it goddamn owns the place. It will **never** replace Nines, no matter how much it fucking _tries._

With his sobs beginning to die down, the urge to lock himself in his room and stay in there until this nightmare ends has never been stronger. Gavin’s ready to make his exit—and take Goose with him because he doesn’t want the little shithead to befriend the android, fucking attention whore that she is—but then stops as he stares at his living room.

The weeks’ worth of clutter has been put away _exactly_ like Nines would do it.

There’s a dull thumping in Gavin’s chest.

No...it’s simply a coincidence. It has to be.

“Is this to your liking?” the RK900 asks, staring quizzically at Gavin. “I’ve organized everything in its most logical place based on the layout of your apartment. I can change it, if you’d prefer.”

Gavin deflates. 

Of course. There’s always a fucking order to everything. Why’s Gavin surprised that this RK900 is as much a Richard as _his_ Nines was?

“...it’s fine...” Gavin mutters, eyes prickling once more. 

He’s about to leave when RK900 picks up the jacket Gavin left on the couch. It’s the one Gavin had been curling up with back when he was waiting, like an idiot, for Nines to return. Noticeable cat hairs stick out on the dark leather and if Gavin has to hazard a guess, he’d bet Goose had been sleeping on it while Gavin was noping himself off a roof. 

It’s the jacket Gavin gave Nines.

Seeing the RK900 touch it makes a sudden anger rage inside of Gavin. He crosses those two paces, ready to rip it from the android’s hands and tell it to stay the fuck away from Nines’ stuff. But as Gavin grips the sleeve of the coat, he catches the violent red swirling at RK900’s temple. A range of micro expressions pass over the android’s face as it studies what it’s holding. The words Gavin was so intent on uttering die before they can spill off his tongue and a pair of bright, gray eyes turn their intense gaze onto his own.

RK900’s lips part. For the first time since catching Gavin, it’s as if it— _he’s_ —really seeing the man in front of him. “Gavin—”


End file.
